The telephone rang, jolting Ophelia out of her thoughts. She rolled off the bed and onto her feet, and grabbed up the telephone.
“Hello?” she said.

“Ophelia, you… you little… wretch!” Mae screamed in response. Ophelia held the receiver away from her ear, cringing slightly.


“What did I do wrong this time?” Ophelia asked.

“You know what you did!” Mae snapped.

“What did I do?” Ophelia replied.

“Why have you been spending so much time with that four-eyed weirdo? I thought we were best friends!”


“You and I are friends, Mae, although you seem to think otherwise. And she has a name, and it’s not ‘four-eyed weirdo,’ it’s Emily.”

“You haven’t been spending any time with me lately,” Mae whined.

“I’ve been busy,” Ophelia replied.

“But you’ve been acting like a completely different person and totally ignoring me and spending tons of time with that… nerd!”

“Look, Mae,” Ophelia snapped, “you don’t own me. I can be friends with whoever I want. Emily is a nice girl, and unlike some people, she doesn’t get jealous of my other friends. You need to grow up.”


“Fine,” Mae snapped back, “but keep that little brat away from my brother.”

“Which one, LB or Louie?” Ophelia asked.

“Which one do you think? Louie! I’ve seen her looking at him all lovey-dovey. It’s disgusting.”


“Mae, I can’t make anyone stop liking anyone else. If Emily likes your brother, then it’s her choice, and not yours or mine. You are acting very childish. When you can act your age, call me,” Ophelia replied.

Without waiting for a response, she hung up. “That was kind of childish of me, wasn’t it?” she muttered to herself.



Kenny and AJ sat in the living room of the Desjardin home, watching sports.

“Look, dude, it’s like this,” Kenny explained. “I’m sure Tiffany’s a nice girl and all, but she’s…”

“She’s what?” AJ asked.

“Fat. I mean, she got kicked off the cheerleading squad and dance team for putting on weight. Take away what little she has in her favor, and all you have left is a C minus GPA with a Wonderbra.”

“Would you date her?” AJ asked.

“Maybe if we were the last two people alive, and there were sheep. Are there sheep?”

“Very funny,” AJ groaned.


“Seriously, though, there’s much hotter chicks out there.”

AJ rolled his eyes. “Like who?”

“Well, why did you have to pick that particular person from your news show, when there’s other cute chicks?”

“I’m not going to date my sister, if that’s what you’re implying. My family’s not redneck.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest that, bro. Now listen. That Angela is pretty cute. And that goth chick, what’s her face--”

“Ophelia.”

“Right, Ophelia,” Kenny said. “They’re both pretty cute. In fact,” Kenny mused, “if you put her in some nicer clothes and more flattering makeup, Ophelia would be a major hottie.”

“Maybe.”

“Dude, I would give anything to see Ophelia in something non-goth.”

AJ eyed his friend. “If I can get it to happen, how much will you give me?”

Kenny thought for a few seconds and then replied, “Twenty bucks.”

AJ rolled his eyes. “Remember, this is the chick who regularly goes head to head with Perma-PMS Queen Mae Rivers.”

Kenny sighed. “Fine, thirty.”


AJ smirked. “Well, let’s think about this. I need to win her over by doing utterly ridiculous and stupid stuff that only happens in the movies. So, I’ll need the newest goth-type CD-- probably something by Ozzy or My Chemical Romance or whatever the heck it is that goth chicks listen to these days. That’s, uh, about fifteen bucks. I need a cool new outfit. That’s, uh, fifty-three. And, uh, she’ll want to have at least one meal with me, right? So, uh, we’re looking at seventy-five bucks.”

Kenny threw the remote control at AJ, groaning in frustration. “This ain’t a negotiation. Take it or leave it.”

“Fifty bucks, and we’ve got a deal.”

“Fine, fifty," Kenny agreed. "You show change in the woman, and you get the cash.”

“You mean I don’t get the money beforehand? Now what am I supposed to do?!” AJ whined.

"I suggest you watch lots of movies and steal some ideas," Kenny responded.