Well, for those wondering the score at home:
*My mother is not the demonic hellspawn that birthed a weakling. Let's get that straight.
*She struck a deal with me that, if I buy rubber gloves to do dishes, I can stay.
*Vincent left me in the middle of the night a week or so back. Did not leave the new address.

Nice! Can't beat that deal!
Although it's probably still a good idea to look for a regular paying job since she may re-negotiate the deal. Under my mom's roof, there were no such thing as "oral contracts", just Mom's Law.

My father has been in mourning for almost a year, which in certain cultures, like China, is the standard.
Since then, my mother had to pull her weight along with a good portion of mine and all of dad's. Keep in mind that if you're an engineer, certain factors in tension and compression can lead to break down and collapse.
My mother had been under the stress of paying for the house and what goes into it.
Although she went from 217 to 196 pounds in 8 weeks on her health plan, she finds it much more rewarding to have a basic functioning family.

We're trying, that's all I can say.

We're just dealing with our problems as they come, so I can't stress the patience.

Sometimes when you have a lot to deal with it is easy to forget that those around you are also suffering. When you live with family members it is easy to get into behaviour patterns that you would never do if they were an unrelated housemate. Sometimes behaviours and feelings of dependency (on the part of the parent and/or the child) carry over from childhood, but this is unhealthy as parent/child relationships need to evolve into a relationship where each person equally supports the other.

I think your mother wants you to understand how much she is struggling and suffering and that she needs support. You have a lot of struggles but what you are experiencing is only part of the picture. If you choose to live with a family member then you need to find a way to support them and help them get what they need.

You have clearly stated that you do not think it is possible for you to live somewhere else at the moment, so use that knowledge to actively focus your thoughts on how you can improve your current living situation to ensure that your mother never wants you to leave. Then you will have the choice to leave when/if you ever want to which will give you some control of your life. It sounds like a few small changes would make a big difference and you are lucky that you have this opportunity. I think showing your mother that you acknowledge and respect her needs is a good start. Then it sounds like you could probably do an hour of work around the house each day to improve your home environment (such as doing the dishes, etc) which will make your mother feel less burdened.

If you are unwell then you can easily break down the chores into four 15 minute tasks a day. It will just take planning and ongoing focus so that you are able to stick to it. Keep your eye on the prize!

What simbalena said...and if you make a schedule to do the chores regularly each day, it will become a habit.

Good for you! From what you write I just thought you needed some selfconfidence. My mother isn't demonic either, she just doesn't understand how her words affect those around her, or something like that.



I would still try it on my own, but that's just me. I learned a lot from that. I learned that I can manage and I'm probably better than her on money management. Perhaps you have tried it on your own though, I don't even have a clue do I :p