healer career

[Babahara]

Hello,

I hope it's possible to get the kind of feedback that I want :)

Of course, I want any normal feedback, too, but I also hope that somebody could kindly read through the career and see if there are any stupid mistakes. English is not my first language, that's the problem. And although I think it's good, I'd love to be sure.

A chi kung career is an idea I had, partly coming from my own interests, and I think it hasn't been used before, so it should be a normal new career, hopefully not a rehearsal of something that has been already done.

It has all chance cards, that's why I attach the text in the file, it's too big to make a post with it :)

[Babahara]

If anybody wants to help, please post here, so that I'd know and wait :) If not, then I'll try to upload it as it is.

[ShineShine]

First off: I've read through everything. It contains really a lot of text (18 pages in my OpenOffice), but I like the texts. You have really created an own world and it was kind of fascinating to read it. But English isn't also my mother tongue. I'm sure, I'm not that much of a help, because I cannot check that exactly every fault, but here are those, in which I'm sure of:


02. Chi Kung Workshop Assistant
You're still not a suChance cardessful (is that spelled correctly?) practitioner, but now you have a chance to observe a real one at her workhops (workshops).

02. Chancecard
But while at it, you suddenly you (delete the repetition) feel something gripping you from the inside and panic.

Fail B:
From her words, not only were were(?) acting recklesslessly, but you were egoistic and superficial in your desire to show off the power that you got so easily.

03. Fail B:
Turning back, you see that they're shaking violently, and the master aChance(?) carduses you of interrupting a complex transmission of chi power ;
04. Pass A
You make an effort to stop thinking, which is proving hard to aChance(?) cardomplish;
Fail b, pass/ fail a 5, ... what does the "aChance" stands for?

05
Finally, you've learnt (learned would be American English, this is British English) to meditate!

Fail B
To the woman's chagrin, your boss doesn't fire you, as you're such a good sweeper overll (overall).

06
06. Chi Aware Practitioner
Thanx (Thanks) to meditating a lot you're now aware of your own chi, that is, you can finally sense it as physical currents of energy and you can direct it wherever you please inside of your body!

CHANCE CARD
A vision comes to you during meditation: a small girl holding a flower in her left hand, and a a(repetition) sharp knife in her right hand.

07.
You've learnt (learned would be American english) how to do yoga and you've opened your own workshop to teach other sims yoga.


08. Pass B: In a few minutes of silence she enters the room, an old lady with grey (gray) hair and shrewd eyes.

09. Pass A: The figure doesn't look any more distinguished up close. You stand with your neck above the water nearby and say, (Use ":" instead of ",") "Greetings"
But the figure suddenly dissipates, and you're left only with a vague feeling of something undescribable (indescribable) in your head.

Fail B: You feel dumb upon awakening. Instead of watching that figure, you should've (have) at least tried to talk to it!

10. Chi Kung Healer
A new comfortable shedule (schedule) awaits you along with the patients that swarm your door pleading for help.

Relax and do what you always dreamt (dreamed) of doing.

Pass A: Erasing your mind with meditative abilities, you look at the boy and can see his energy body, in as bad state as it is. (... see his energy body being in a bad state)

- no requirements are listed
- can we see the icon of the career? :)

Good Luck! I really like that career! Well done!

[Babahara]

Thank you a lot! You've really helped, I'll mention you in the credits if everything will be ok with uploading the career! Especially thank you for pointing out British English, I was not aware of using it at times.

Jeez, it's my fault about this "chance" word popping up everywhere in the text tile, I named "chance card" CC originally, and then used "search and replace" function to change it to "chance card" (because I thought CC sounded obscure, as if it was supposed to mean "custom content"). But of course it changed all normal "cc" into "chance card", too, lol! It didn't occur to me that it would happen. So normal words like "accuses" turned into "aChance carduses". But it's only the text file, thankfully, the career package is ok.

The career icon looks like this:
http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/5439/yinyang41x41trans.png

It contains really a lot of text (18 pages in my OpenOffice), but I like the texts.
Yeah, I noticed that there's more text than usual, but there was no way to keep the atmosphere and make it shorter :( I even fear that it won't fit onto the screen sometimes, so I'm searching for a way to force all chance cards in the game to check them. Probably something in the boolprop mode can do it...

09. Pass A: The figure doesn't look any more distinguished up close. You stand with your neck above the water nearby and say, (Use ":" instead of ",") "Greetings"
Should I always use : instead of , in cases of the sim talking?

Pass A: Erasing your mind with meditative abilities, you look at the boy and can see his energy body, in as bad state as it is. (... see his energy body being in a bad state)
Could that one be changed to "in as bad a state as it is"? I just don't like something about "his energy body being in a bad state", it sounds so trivial, as if something ordinary is going on. Maybe changing it to "terrible" would do the trick, though.

- no requirements are listed
Yes, sorry, I didn't know what to post, and the text was my primary concern :)

The requirements and pay:

01. Chi Kung Researcher (100)
2 cleaning (because you help to clean the library)

02. Chi Kung Workshop Assistant (150)
2 charisma (because you work as an assistant), 1 friend

03. Chi Kung Workshop Visitor (200)
1 body, 4 charisma, 3 creativity, 2 friend (charisma for same reasons, body and creativity because you study chi kung)

04. Chi Kung Practitioner (300)
6 charisma, 3 logic, 4 friends (same, except that now you study meditation, so you need logic - 3 logic gets a sim a meditation skill!)

05. Meditator (350)
6 creativity, 7 logic, 5 friends (more logic for meditation\concentration and some creativity to progress in it)

06. Chi Aware Practitioner (450)
3 body, 8 logic, 6 friends (3 body needed to get a yoga skill, more logic to progress)

07. Yoga Workshop Master (1000)
6 body, 8 creativity, 7 friends (body because you do yoga, and you need creativity for your workshops and research)

08. Chi Researcher (1200)
7 body, 9 logic, 8 friends (more yoga and meditation, thus body and logic)

09. Chi Kung Workshop Master (1400)
8 body, 10 logic, 9 friends (the same, maxed out logic needed for best concentration skill, since you're reaching the end of the career)

10. Chi Kung Healer (2000)
-




The pay might seem strange, but at first you're doing side jobs, so it should be low. Only after a sim opens her own workshop it becomes higher. It's not as little as it sounds, though, because there are 5 workdays. It's like a normal job. I'm not imaginative enough to create random workdays :)

I'm not so sure what do about work hours, though, realism requires workshops to be conducted in the evening, so most levels are 17pm-00am, except the rogue meditator levels which are 4am-12am (no people around in the morning, it's quiet), and the last level is a normal day.

But having played careers with evening hours before, I thought that maybe it would be bad to play so realistically, because dates who call you back always call in the evening, and birthdays happen at 18pm! So maybe I should change the work hours, or try uploading two versions, a realistic and a comfortable one, with free evenings.

Friends aren't required that much, because I figured that somebody interested in mysticism would be too busy to make many friends and unintrested in "worldly" chat.

The outfit for most levels is "coach" :), because I don't know what else to link, it's the only default outfit that looks like gym clothes. It's not very good-looking, though.

The reward is a punching device to gain body skills, because I don't know how to link to non base game rewards. It would probably be nicer to have a bookcase to learn all the skills from it.

Also the sim should better have no skills in body and logic, that would make more sense, as the career levels mention learning to meditate and do yoga, which a sim learns after having 3 ponts in each. And sims with Playful over 8 can't meditate, too. So it's good for role-playing to have a serious enough sim with no relevant skills.

Thank you a lot again!

Just in case I attached a fixed file without all "cc" replaced by "chance card" and with fixed mistakes that were found.

[ShineShine]

I even fear that it won't fit onto the screen sometimes, so I'm searching for a way to force all chance cards in the game to check them. Probably something in the boolprop mode can do it...

I hope you find a solution for it. Maybe someone knows something for that :/


Should I always use : instead of , in cases of the sim talking?

Yes, you should use ":" before the text, which is spoken, if you use direct speech (for example: He added: " His next CD will be a great hit.") The indirect speech would be: He added (that) his next CD would be a great hit. I think the correction was only two times in your whole text. (Because you use the same beginning for Pass and Fail :) )


Pass A: Erasing your mind with meditative abilities, you look at the boy and can see his energy body, in as bad state as it is.

Pass A: Erasing your mind with meditative abilities, you look at the boy and can see his energy body, in the bad state in which it was. This should work, too. Just try a bit. Maybe some native speakers can help out ... :/


I like your icon and the requirements. :) Not sure about the time though. Maybe that's really a great idea to include two times.


:)

[Talia247]

You can use the boolProp testingCheatsEnabled true cheat to force the chance cards. You hold in shift and click on the sim who has your career and select spawn, chance card tester. All the chance cards should come up now in order. I'm reading through everything, it looks so interesting, almost like a story, I'll put up some spelling errors and suggestions no later than tomorrow. That is, if you are interested? =)

[Babahara]

Thanks, and yeah, I understood how to spawn chance cards. :) Everything seems to be ok, the text is not as long as I imagined it to be.

And sure I'm interested in your help! I still didn't get the career posted on the site despite 3 weeks having passed since I uploaded it for checking, there's no confirmation and no rejection, it probably got lost. But it's all good if you offer help :) I asked in Creator Issues what's wrong, and I guess I'll reupload it later.

[Talia247]

Some of the corrections I post are simple things like a semi-colon ‘ ; ‘ but it makes the text look better overall. Here goes:

01
Desc - …neither is it fully subjective…
Pass A - …stranger; he snatches… …best decision… …air about her… ...promptly offers you…
Fail A - …stranger; he… …on your… (there’s an extra space)
Pass B - …guilty, and as the man’s… …you fully realize that…
Fail B - …prompts you to read the book… (not into) …act like somebody had died at the…

02
Desc – …real one at her workshops… …somebody to talk to about…
Pass A - …no change for the better… …After a while the… …ask for an explanation… …than you created that…
Fail A - …no change for the better… …After a while the… …ask for an explanation…
Pass B – …They have sensed it; the…
Fail B - …caused it; surely… …were you acting recklessly… there’s a commotion… …imagined something happening out of fear?... …in order to make it up…

03
Desc - …helping out at, you’ve made… …go there too, and… (extra comma) …previous master to those other… …that you will soon progress on your path if you only continue to persist. (word order) …to get useful advice…
Pass A - …finishes meditating… physical exercise; it was… …(at least as far as students are concerned)…..
Fail A - …finishes meditating… …Sit anybody in his armchair…

04
Desc - …legs only for pleasant…
Pass A - …short spurts of time…

05
CC – A car can be seen…
Pass B – …wonder?

06
Pass A - …delight, you calm down a little and can’t find that man anywhere.
Pass B - …her eyes this time; it’s your…
Fail B – She then bites you with her teeth.

07
Desc - …explain their mistakes to them.
Pass A - …had a bad premonition… …being cornered… …police are coming…
Fail A - …had a bad premonition… …being cornered… …end up paying disgruntled relatives…
Pass B - …superpowers has never occurred to her…
Fail B - …superpowers has never occurred to her… …police don’t feel… …banks being robbed without…

08
Desc - …drawbacks are not as harsh as everybody…
Fail B - …explaining the man’s plight… …cold and damp inside; the windows…

09
Pass A - …figure must be meaningful… …possesses the knowledge… …moment; for the water…
Fail A – (Same as Pass A)

10
Pass A - …boy has fever and will soon die… …boy doesn’t even acknowledge that somebody…
Fail A – (Same as Pass A)
Fail B - …transpired during the course of the last hour.

Hope that helps! I really love the idea and the almost 'storyline' of the career, well done! :gjob:

[Babahara]

Thank you! I really appreciate that.