I really need advice, birthday dilemma

[strawberrydreams123]

Hey guys. I don't know if this is what this forum is really for, but I couldn't think of any other website to put it on, and everyone on MTS seems really mature so I can expect some honest and good advice. :)

Basically, it's my birthday on the 14th of April (next Saturday) and I'm planning to go into Birmingham (England) with my parents and one of my friends. The trouble is, I don't know which friend to pick and it's really upsetting me.

I was originally going to go with my best friend #1, let's call her Jessica. We have the same sense of humour and we get on really well, but sometimes we can be really competitive, if you know what I mean, like who has the best clothes, or who has the best marks in a test.

The other day I decided I wanted to go with my best friend #2, let's call her Tiffany. We get on extremely well and we find a lot of things funny, and even though she listens to One Direction (unlike myself) we also both listen to Kpop such as 2NE1 and BIGBANG. The trouble is, when it was Tiffany's birthday in February, I got her a card and present and she didn't even thank me for it. Hell, I don't even know if she opened it. This was the original reason I wanted to go with Jessica and not her, but I sort of got over that and decided I'd have a better time with Tiffany.

There is no easy way out as far as I can see. Jessica and Tiffany do not get on (for an unknown reason... it's a long, stupid story :faceslap: ) so I can't go with both of them. I'm sort of worried that I'm seen as the 'annoying friend' to Tiffany. I do not hang around with her at school because Jessica and her do not get on, but I'm starting to get the impression I'm her least liked friend. I've been really good friends with her since we were nine years old (I'm now almost 14) but I think she would rather do things with the 'popular' crowd. I know for a fact I'd have a better time with Tiffany on my birthday, but I don't know if she'd feel the same, and I'm scared she'd get bored or maybe even cancel like the day before for example, and I'd be stuck with no one to go with. I really don't know what to do.

If you can, please help me MTS. Sorry if I've been at all whiny or anything, I am just looking for some help off you guys. Thank you! :lovestruc

[Shoosh Malooka]

Happy Birthday. What you are saying is that you want is to avoid resentment between you and your peers. Make whatever diplomatic decision it is that will meet that goal best. Better yet, if they are really your friends then there should be no trouble in talking with them about your decision because you can only take one of them. If I were in that situation and one of my 'friends' took it as an opportunity for contempt with plans to hold it over my face in the future, then I would mark that person as a sunny day friend - someone who is only your chum when things are smooth. And if they don't accept an apology, then we are no longer cool. Why should you be penalized for a limitation that you can't avoid, on YOUR BIRTHDAY? There really is no reason to stick your neck out for someone who isn't really on your team.

Edit:
Nevermind that diplomatic stuff I mentioned. Whichever one of them is really closer to you, who actually values you, is the one you should take. Because if you go with the lesser one then maybe you will feel guilty.

[crocobaura]

Who's Hannah? Anyway, you could just take Jessica and let her have the best clothes for the day. Or somethign like that.

[strawberrydreams123]

Oh God. Sorry, I wrote Hannah at first and then changed it to Jessica. If it says Hannah anywhere it's supposed to be Jessica. I'm an idiot.

And thanks, I do understand that. That's exactly what Jessica is. I know for a definite fact that if she were to find out I was taking Tiffany and not her, she would be so angry and say that I prefer Tiffany to her and that we can no longer be friends. Whereas if Tiffany found out I was taking Jessica and not her, she'd be happy that I had fun and wouldn't make a big deal out of anything - but then there's what I said in my original post about how I'm worried she sees me as the annoying friend.

[Shoosh Malooka]

Someone who sees you as the 'annoying friend?' If that's all you are to someone and they will step on you without guilt, then how do they deserve you as a friend? Are they better than everyone, prettier than everyone, have a sense of entitlement? Maybe they should run for president 2012 after they win their nobel prize, if they are so spectacular. Would you really pick someone like that over a true bud?

[strawberrydreams123]

I guess so Shoosh Malooka, but we have a lot in common, and sometimes I do not think that Jessica is really a true friend. She isn't the sort to bitch about me or anything like that, but as I mentioned she can turn a lot of things into a competition. She often brags about how many clothes she has bought or how amazing her holidays are. Obviously if I ever asked Tiffany what her honest opinion is on me she would insist I am a great friend and all that, but just the way she is constantly meeting up with 'popular' people pretty much every day and how she has invited me over to her house twice in the five years I have known her sort of gives me that impression.

Edit: And I have invited her over waaaay more than twice, I can guarantee...

[crocobaura]

Oh God. Sorry, I wrote Hannah at first and then changed it to Jessica. If it says Hannah anywhere it's supposed to be Jessica. I'm an idiot.

And thanks, I do understand that. That's exactly what Jessica is. I know for a definite fact that if she were to find out I was taking Tiffany and not her, she would be so angry and say that I prefer Tiffany to her and that we can no longer be friends. Whereas if Tiffany found out I was taking Jessica and not her, she'd be happy that I had fun and wouldn't make a big deal out of anything - but then there's what I said in my original post about how I'm worried she sees me as the annoying friend.


Well, Jessica sounds like she's a single kid and used to be spoilt with attention so she's developed a bit of a self-centered personality. If she decides to dump you as a friend, you'll be left with no friends because she was jealous of all the others and asked you to avoid them. On the other hand, Tiffany might hang out with you more if you didn't avoid her during school because of Jessica. She probably feels like she's second best so it's only normal for her to seek out the company of people who don't have to hide that they are friends with her.

[strawberrydreams123]

Well, Jessica sounds like she's a single kid and used to be spoilt with attention so she's developed a bit of a self-centered personality. If she decides to dump you as a friend, you'll be left with no friends because she was jealous of all the others and asked you to avoid them. On the other hand, Tiffany might hang out with you more if you didn't avoid her during school because of Jessica. She probably feels like she's second best so it's only normal for her to seek out the company of people who don't have to hide that they are friends with her.

Thanks. I can really relate this to my constant situation with Jessica and Tiffany. It's honestly true, because Jessica and I had a big fall out once and she became best friends with a girl from our middle school and joined her group and I hung around with Tiffany, and ever since I stopped hanging around with Tiffany and her group and Jessica and I became best friends again I'm starting to wonder if Tiffany felt replaced. I'm not trying to make out that I'm the sort of person everyone wants to be friends with or anything like that, as of course Tiffany has other friends but this could also be a reason. Maybe if I invited Tiffany she would know that I really do value her has a friend? :luff: But then again it could also backfire and Tiffany could really get bored with my company? :rolleyes:

[strawberrydreams123]

Forget them both, take me to England.

Haha, England is nothing much. Trust me. :cry:

[malfoya]

I think you'll eventually grow apart from both this girls. I've met both kinds in my youth aswell.

- The Hannahs always tries to make you feel less good about yourself. They never let you have the spotlight and they will never encourage you to go after your life goals. They will always try to be better at you. Sadly these people follow you until death do you apart. This is nothing people grow out of to easily.

- The Tiffanys are usually people you are only "friends" with when you are a teen. Mostly because you are in the same class as them and because they wanna be on great terms with most people. These people do tend to be better friends out of school though and feel like they have to live up to their reputation by being with only the most popular kids at school. They'll definately grow out of it, because as soon as they turn older they will find out that popularity doesn't matter much if you are not a celebrity etc. Tiffanys wont stay as IT girls for very long.

It seems like it Tiffany and Hannah are both quite challenging girls. I am 23 years old and I currently don't have any friends like that. As soon as I finished Secondary school I stopped trying to be friends with people who didn't accept me for just being me. Both these girls seems to make you believe you are worth less. Either you have to stand up to them or you will have to just play along and know yourself that you are better friends than them.

[strawberrydreams123]

I think you'll eventually grow apart from both this girls. I've met both kinds in my youth aswell.

- The Hannahs always tries to make you feel less good about yourself. They never let you have the spotlight and they will never encourage you to go after your life goals. They will always try to be better at you. Sadly these people follow you until death do you apart. This is nothing people grow out of to easily.

- The Tiffanys are usually people you are only "friends" with when you are a teen. Mostly because you are in the same class as them and because they wanna be on great terms with most people. These people do tend to be better friends out of school though and feel like they have to live up to their reputation by being with only the most popular kids at school. They'll definately grow out of it, because as soon as they turn older they will find out that popularity doesn't matter much if you are not a celebrity etc. Tiffanys wont stay as IT girls for very long.

It seems like it Tiffany and Hannah are both quite challenging girls. I am 23 years old and I currently don't have any friends like that. As soon as I finished Secondary school I stopped trying to be friends with people who didn't accept me for just being me. Both these girls seems to make you believe you are worth less. Either you have to stand up to them or you will have to just play along and know yourself that you are better friends than them.

Yes! Yes. This is exactly it. It was supposed to be Jessica by the way, not Hannah (lol, my stupid fault!) but this is exactly what I think. Jessica is always trying to beat me with stupid things, and always acting like everything is unfair. Once I had a day off school because I was ill, so I texted her in the morning and told her I was going to be absent and she had to have a day off, too. When she asked me if it was 'right' for her to have a day off also, I tried to put across in a kind way that I really didn't think it was great to have a day off school for no reason, but she took it the wrong way and fell out with me. :gjob:

And on the Tiffany part, I couldn't agree more with this either. Tiffany is always telling me that she wants to be friends with everyone and that she hates falling out with people. I know for certain (as this happened once) that if we were at school, she'd go and talk to 'popular' people and be casual about it, and just sort of leave me awkwardly there as I don't really talk to them - but if we were in town and she saw the same people, she wouldn't go over and talk to them out of choice, and even if they did come over to talk to her she'd become shy and awkward. At my age right now, I know that everyone is becoming a sheep. Where I live, if you don't wear chinos, you aren't cool. If you don't like either One Direction, Rizzle Kicks or Rihanna, you aren't cool. If you don't have a Blackberry, HTC or iPhone, you aren't cool. You get the idea. These aren't the sort of people I want to be friends with. No one is really themselves, but the people who are are usually sort of weird (not that I'm sinking down the the 'populars' level and bullying them, but you know) so I'm sort of stuck with no one who I really genuinely want to be best friends with, who I can just always rely on, trust and have a good friendship with. Thank you so much, that helped a lot. :lovestruc

[strawberrydreams123]

And also guys, Tiffany and I are the sort of friends who wouldn't jokingly insult each other the way most best friends do. Like once, we were texting and I sent a text about something someone said and I said "I don't care" and it took a long time to send so when it sent, Tiffany thought I was talking to her and she got worried (lol, that was a mouthful). But earlier, she spoke to me on Facebook telling me she was going to the Sea Life Centre today, so in a nice way (I wasn't being pushy) I said "Don't be too long! :)" and she said "I can't control how long we'll take..." and logged off. I couldn't believe it really... It's just not the sort of thing I could ever imagine her doing. I think that's what has made me so paranoid about the whole birthday thing. I was looking at the way she typed to other people and then looking at how she typed to me. In one of our messages from the other day when we were going to town she said "I'm leaving now", and I looked at one of the messages to one of her 'popular' friends from when she was going to her house yesterday and it said "I'm leaving now! Yayay! :D<3" And by the way, I wasn't being a creepy paranoid stalker, I was just comparing them because they both came up at the same time. :rofl:

[crocobaura]

And also guys, Tiffany and I are the sort of friends who wouldn't jokingly insult each other the way most best friends do. Like once, we were texting and I sent a text about something someone said and I said "I don't care" and it took a long time to send so when it sent, Tiffany thought I was talking to her and she got worried (lol, that was a mouthful). But earlier, she spoke to me on Facebook telling me she was going to the Sea Life Centre today, so in a nice way (I wasn't being pushy) I said "Don't be too long! :)" and she said "I can't control how long we'll take..." and logged off. I couldn't believe it really... It's just not the sort of thing I could ever imagine her doing. I think that's what has made me so paranoid about the whole birthday thing. I was looking at the way she typed to other people and then looking at how she typed to me. In one of our messages from the other day when we were going to town she said "I'm leaving now", and I looked at one of the messages to one of her 'popular' friends from when she was going to her house yesterday and it said "I'm leaving now! Yayay! :D<3" And by the way, I wasn't being a creepy paranoid stalker, I was just comparing them because they both came up at the same time. :rofl:

Tiffany probably really wants to be popular and hang out with the popular kids so she'll put in more effort around them. She doesn't feel the same pressure around you since you're not in the popular kids crowd. If you take her out with you on your birthday, she'll probably have a good time, but once you get back, she'll go back to her regular pursuits, the popular friends.

[strawberrydreams123]

Yeah. That's how it seems to be. At this moment in time, I'd prefer to take Tiffany to Birmingham. I sort of feel a bit under pressure around Jessica sometimes to have a lot of clothes and all that, even though I really don't have to try and prove myself to her. I haven't invited either yet because I know there's a possibility I could change my mind and I couldn't un-invite one for the other.

[M.M.A.A.]

If you are really not sure on who to take with you, it would be better not to take anyone with you, that will help you not causing any problems.

[XTS]

I just want to say you sound like you have a really good heart & hold quite a bit of insight and intelligence. I admire your choices in life, not succumbing to things just because you're pressured. I see that as a maturity. You're literally trying to do the right thing and for the right reasons. I applaud you for that.

I'd rather not sway your choice, then I'd hold the guilt if you chose it and weren't satisfied with it. Besides, there's tons of great advice above this post of mine. I do want to say though, follow your heart. I'm sure that you'll choose something that you'll be satisfied with when this is all said and done. ;) Just make sure you have a safe & exciting trip! (maybe you'll get to see the catacombs? I've always wanted to see those and the old castles!)


:king: Happy Birthday!!!!!!!! :king:

[strawberrydreams123]

Aww, thank you so much! Hehe, well I live pretty close to Birmingham anyway so I think we're just going to be shopping... not the most exciting trip in the world but I don't mind. And thank you! :D :luff: :lovestruc

[~Dee~]

Ah... to be 14 again. :)

Jessica sounds like she want's to be the center of attention and you are there to admire her. Tiffany want's to be popular and when the popular crowd isn't around ... you will do.
Neither of them sound like true friends to me, if I were you I wouldn't take any of them, go without them and have a great time. Less hassles.

[XTS]

Aww, thank you so much! Hehe, well I live pretty close to Birmingham anyway so I think we're just going to be shopping... not the most exciting trip in the world but I don't mind. And thank you! :D :luff: :lovestruc

I don't know, shopping sounds fun to me. lol I love to shop! Especially if it's not my own money. :lol: You're very welcome! :cool:

Just make sure you have a good time.. No worries! ^.^

[ElementMK]

Options:

1. Flip a coin. If you don't like the outcome, try an option below.
2. Go alone. Both of these girls are shallow and will not enrich your experience.
3. Create cardboard cutouts of both of your "best friends". Spend the day with these cardboard cutouts. Take pictures.
4. Take a family member. They're the only ones who will be with you in a few years, anyway.
5. Go with option 3. You'll remember a 14th birthday spent with cardboard cutouts of two sort-of bitchy "best friends" more fondly than a birthday actually spent with either of them. Also, you would be awesome. You want to be awesome, don't you?

[Bodhie]

Hum...I will echo the advices given above . At worst just go on alone , take that Bestfriend that Shrink call 'The Little Girl inside of You ' XD

Or if you rather have an animated bodie next to you....Take a member of familly that you didn't see for a very long time . (Usually friend rather see you take a member of familly then another 'friend ' they don't like lol kinda some code) . Freshen up the bond with family...or with yourself , as long as you have fun :D Happy Birthday :up:

[strawberrydreams123]

Thank you for everyone's advice. Especially Element Leaf's.

And also thank you to everyone who has wished me a happy birthday! :lovestruc

I do need to tell you all though that I decided to invite Tiffany on Sunday night and it turned out she couldn't come due to a camping trip anyway. She thought my birthday was on Thursday and the camping trip was prearranged. I guess that sort of resolved my issue, so I'm going with Jessica now. Again, thank you to everyone who has helped. Maybe I could still take a cardboard cut out of Tiffany. :giggler: