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Scholar
#26 Old 5th Mar 2012 at 6:06 AM
Mm. I guess wanting an objective opinion is a reason. Not a good one but a reason.

Random people on the internet aren't going to build your self-esteem, in fact, it'll probably make it worse if you're someone who is easily influenced by the opinion of complete strangers. Speaking as someone who enjoys tarting people up for a living, that superficial shit is pointless. Just be happy with yourself and fuck everything else.

"You're born naked, and everything else is drag."
dA
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Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#27 Old 5th Mar 2012 at 5:36 PM
True, paksetti. But there is a lot of people that can not be happy with themselves. Because they have been through a lot.

They may have been abused by a family member or friend

They may have been treated like they were dirt, and/or a servant

They may have been called names over the years

They may want to do something to their body to enhance it (as in breast enhancement, or breast reduction, or nose job, etc.)

They may want to have a gender reassignment surgery

They want to loose weight

They want to be taller


For an example, some people make look at their glass half-full, others will look at it as half-empty, and there is that some that will look at it empty. That is the whole point of these people going to complete strangers. Because they can NOT talk to their peers, because those are the people dogging on them all the time.They can't go to their peers, because they don't want to hear it, because they think they are whining. With this (mind my language) fucked up society, there is NO ONE that these teens can turn to. Some parents, yes. Some teachers, yes. And some friends, yes. But most of the time...We are stuck in this cold heartless world. And that is why people are killing themselves. That is why people seek help from a therapist. That is why there is so much bullying.

As much as I hate to say it...There is only a tiny few, to some people. That may think of themselves as happy, and like who they are. But there is a lot more out there...That can't stand themselves.

"Queen of the Damned seeks knight in shining piercings for pleasure, pain and purring"--Scary Mary from the Urbz: Sims In The City

"A Famous Explorer once said: 'The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.'"--Lara Croft from Tomb Raider 2013
Mad Poster
#28 Old 5th Mar 2012 at 5:47 PM Last edited by KKiryu007Joker : 5th Mar 2012 at 7:51 PM.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levera
True, paksetti. But there is a lot of people that can not be happy with themselves. Because they have been through a lot.

They may have been abused by a family member or friend

They may have been treated like they were dirt, and/or a servant

They may have been called names over the years

They may want to do something to their body to enhance it (as in breast enhancement, or breast reduction, or nose job, etc.)

They may want to have a gender reassignment surgery

They want to loose weight

They want to be taller




For me all of those comes too mind, though I am happy with my gender and weight (edit: DAMN IT I MADE IT SOUND LIKE I HAD A SEX CHANGE.)

I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT.
Scholar
#29 Old 5th Mar 2012 at 5:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levera
As much as I hate to say it...There is only a tiny few, to some people. That may think of themselves as happy, and like who they are. But there is a lot more out there...That can't stand themselves.


I wouldn't go so far as to say that the majority of people can't stand themselves. I think the majority of people are generally happy, even if they aren't 100% perfectly satisfied with themselves. I'd like to lose some weight, but it doesn't mean I think I'm worthless. Hell, my constant personal goal is self-improvement, which requires that I be starting from a place that isn't perfection. I know I'm not perfect, but every time I make some small improvement on the person I am, it's a victory, and it makes me happy. It's not the only thing that makes me happy, either. And different people base their happiness on different things.

I think it may be accurate to say that the majority of teenagers are unhappy with themselves. The teenage peer group is merciless about imperfections, and most teens are more prone to emotionality. Once you get into college/the real world, though, unless your particular peer group/job field is merciless about imperfections, most people learn to live with themselves.
Scholar
#30 Old 5th Mar 2012 at 7:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levera
True, paksetti. But there is a lot of people that can not be happy with themselves.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Oaktree
Hell, my constant personal goal is self-improvement, which requires that I be starting from a place that isn't perfection. I know I'm not perfect, but every time I make some small improvement on the person I am, it's a victory, and it makes me happy. It's not the only thing that makes me happy, either. And different people base their happiness on different things.


I have to agree with Oaktree here. It may not seem it from where you're standing, (it didn't when I was in a similar place for a lot of my life, though it wasn't necessarily because of my looks) but being happy with yourself and working to improve your life and the lives of the ones you love is all you need to worry about. Even if the change is something tiny, don't devalue yourself over something so pointless as your looks.

Being a teenager is fucking horrible. Plain and simple. Nothing fits right. You're either coddled like a child or dumped with the responsibility of an adult. Everything is awkward as hell and everyone is insecure. I'm just now coming out the other side, and let me tell ya, it gets better. Life always going to have challenges, but 13-17 was fucking brutal, and it is for most people.


(Also, lemme just say again that going to complete strangers on the internet to boost your self-esteem is a bad idea. Plain and simple. Self-esteem and self-worth ultimately do not come from other people. Especially not from people who have no qualms about making fun of emotionally fragile kids for no reason)

"You're born naked, and everything else is drag."
dA
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Mad Poster
DELETED POST
5th Mar 2012 at 9:08 PM
This message has been deleted by HystericalParoxysm. Reason: Nonsense.
Mad Poster
#31 Old 6th Mar 2012 at 4:14 AM
I think things improved for me starting around 10th-11th grade...the losers that would pick on me repeated freshman year, then dropped out (in Michigan at the time, you could drop out at 16), and people mature.

I need to drop weight myself. So far I have lost 40 pounds in the past few months, and that's through changing diet. Another 70-80 and I should be at my ideal weight.

When I was in 7th grade this one boy gave me a black eye and I'd had no idea who he was. I don't even recall the reason...I'm thinking maybe someone told him I said something about him. He was one of those losers that dropped out. Then the joker had the nerve to try to friend me on Facebook!

My Riverblossom Hills blog! Alexandra's Riverblossom Hills
Mad Poster
#32 Old 6th Mar 2012 at 8:15 AM Last edited by VerDeTerre : 6th Mar 2012 at 9:05 AM.
You're not going to find happiness staring in the mirror or seeking validation about things like looks. Looks don't bring about lasting happiness. Who you are and what your worth in life is found deeper within. It has more to the attitudes and principles you hold, how you treat other people, and how you behave in any given situation.

Think about that old parable about sowing seeds. If the seeds land on rocks, they can't really sprout. If they manage to find a little bit of dirt, they may sprout and then quickly wither and die. Looks and possessions can only give satisfaction for so long. They can also be taken away easily through illness or accident, theft or fire. Looks can fade and things can break down. But if you've built your sense of self in deeper ground - in how you think and what you think about and in how you behave - that can't be taken away as easily. Place your energies in things that matter.

" Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -Dalai Lama
Field Researcher
#33 Old 6th Mar 2012 at 10:50 AM
I really think that basing your self-worth on something as arbitrary as appearance is a recipe for disaster no matter what you look like.
As an example, we have two friends who both have girlfriends.
Both girls are in their early to mid twenties.
One girl literally looks like a goddess, she is one of the most good-looking girls I have ever seen.
She is so insecure that she goes completely into a rage fit if her boyfriend so much as speaks to another woman (this includes me and I am 40, her mother is 2 years older than me for goodness sake!) I have never seen her with out make-up and she is obsessed with what she is wearing at all times.

The other girl is not ugly but the prettiest thing about her appearance is her very long hair. She doesn't give a fig who her boyfriend chats with, wears jeans and a tank top and no make up. She rolls around on the grass with my daughter, chats with everybody, is funny and we always enjoy inviting her to our home.

I really think that almost everything about you is more important than what you look like.
It is sad that our society has become so shallow that it perpetuates such false standards of worth, but really I think that it is our fault too. We are not sheep after all!
Also it does get better as you get older.
Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#34 Old 6th Mar 2012 at 5:41 PM
I guess a lot of girls now a days, have this VERY low self esteem and self worth. And I will say it again, its because of the media. And their peers. Same with guys. They think that these actors and actresses are their gods and goddesses. But that is not true.

And I know how some women can get very jealous, believe me, I dated one, and she was very gorgeous. And she didn't think she was. In fact, I tried to hang out with my friends. And she hated me for doing so, eh. We are over.

I honestly don't get how some people get the joy out of putting someone down repeatedly. And then they wonder why the person either killed themselves, or brought a gun to school, and shot at everyone.

Its getting horrible

"Queen of the Damned seeks knight in shining piercings for pleasure, pain and purring"--Scary Mary from the Urbz: Sims In The City

"A Famous Explorer once said: 'The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.'"--Lara Croft from Tomb Raider 2013
Mad Poster
#35 Old 6th Mar 2012 at 5:49 PM
I hate the media and filthy guys. People are beautiful because they are in their way, not because they have to mesh with some preconceived delusion.

I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT.
Mad Poster
#36 Old 6th Mar 2012 at 9:30 PM
Teens are often overly concerned with their appearance. Pop culture, in the U.S. at least, feeds that negatively by emphasizing appearance over most other attributes. It becomes a value of sorts - a very shallow one. I'm not sure why some teens and young women escape this and why so many others don't. And I'm not sure what you would do to help someone who is caught up in this and has a poor self-image. I think getting them to shift their values might be a good starting point.





" Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -Dalai Lama
Alchemist
#37 Old 14th Mar 2012 at 9:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levera
As much as I hate to say it...There is only a tiny few, to some people. That may think of themselves as happy, and like who they are. But there is a lot more out there...That can't stand themselves.


alas, that is not a problem that can ever be solved by objective input. you see, if a person is doubtful about their appearance, there will be nothing that someone else can say to dispel that doubt until the person themselves decides to not doubt. you always find what you look for, be it happiness or suffering.

you are the only person who can "fix" yourself when you break. you are the only person who has the power, the tools, the knowledge....its silly to look elsewhere when all the answers are written on the backs of your eyes. you just need awareness, patience, and determination to change it...and trust me, i went through a very lengthy period of awful self image issues. im still not completely over anorexia (needless to say, i avoid full-length mirrors like the plague), but, any change to the within has to come from within. nobody can reach in and flip a switch and make you right...thats your own job, and you are capable of it.*
it may not be easy, but who says the easy way is always the best way?

but we arent taught that. nobody tells us that we can do it, that our own opinion trumps the rest 9 times out of 10**, so we continue to wait for a knight in shining armor, despite the fact that the knight is a myth and we'll wither away to nothing after long. and my generation is a lazy, entitled one. it whines and stomps its feet at the mere idea of reading--much less taking time to sit down, introspect, and put effort into rerouting their brain and changing their reinforcing negative behaviors. no no, "i want that but i just cant have that" is much easier than actually getting up and doing things about it, even if it solves nothing.
it can also be willful ignorance. not everyone wants to be saved from their misery. not everyone wants to acknowledge their responsibility for their own emotional well-being, either. it depends on the person.


*all "you"s are to be taken in the general sense, not the personal "im-pointing-at-you" sense.
**i suspect this has something to do with advertising. of course it wouldnt be in the cosmetics industry's best interest to tell you you're fine the way you are, or how you choose to be...the more insecurity, the more profit for them!

A spherical bastard is one that remains a bastard regardless of the direction or angle they are viewed from.
Lab Assistant
#38 Old 14th Mar 2012 at 2:11 PM
I agree with that, the change must be in the head of the person, but the environment is an important factor too. If somebody is always stared, or laughed at, it will of cause effect the person.
,
For example I thought that I do not deserve to find someone who loves me because I am so ugly. It took me years to get over that. And it was a change in the environment that started the change in my thinking.

And I realised there are a lot of people who try to escape there own problems by pointing to someone else and make them object of the attention because if people look in that direction they do not look towards them.

*.*:*.*:*.*:*.*:*.*:*.*:*.*:*.*:
We do not see things as they are.
We see them as we are.
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