Hi there! You are currently browsing as a guest. Why not create an account? Then you get less ads, can thank creators, post feedback, keep a list of your favourites, and more!
Instructor
Original Poster
#1 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 7:04 AM
Default "Why Are You So Quiet?"
If you're quiet/shy/introverted, then you'll know this question very well.

I'm quiet. I know that. I have a tendency to voice my opinions in my head instead of through my voice most of the time. When I speak, I mumble. I speak fast at times and stutter, and then end up getting nervous when I do so. I like keeping to myself, keeps me out of drama and gossip.
But it'd also like to talk to you, too. If people come up to me, 99% of the time, I'm instantly smiling at them (if they seem friendly enough) and would be happy to talk. I'm friendly--I just don't talk much, unless I know you very well.

I come out of my shell the most when I'm with friends, because I don't feel self conscious of saying all the wrong things anymore. I feel comfortable. I laugh a lot; and to my friends' surprise, I like to make jokes from time to time. But sometimes I wonder if my quietness is really all that bad at times. You get labeled the "quiet girl," you'll often feel awkward at parties and everyone will pick you last when choosing teams for soccer at gym, but I as much as it frustrates me at times, I know it's all the result of my shyness.

Why are you so quiet?

I'd speak to you if you'd speak first...

I'm just not that good at walking up to people, who're especially in groups, and starting up a conversation. As much as I'd like to be that person, it's nerve-racking; you don't know what they're thinking. But I'm slowly getting there, I'll speak from time to time randomly to a classmate (if we're in a room with a small # of people, as I don't like crowds). But the thing is, I'm wondering if anyone else out there is like me.

So, are/were you shy? How is/was your experience with shyness? And if you're not, what do you think when you notice someone's quieter than everyone else?

My male Sims are...Simulicious!
Advertisement
Theorist
#2 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 2:54 PM
Because I'd rather post nonsense on forums than talking to real people? :foreveralone:
Mad Poster
#3 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 3:23 PM
Maybe you're not shy, you're just having trouble making conversation.
Instructor
#4 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 4:24 PM
...


Finally a thread I can relate to!

So you're asking for my experiences being a shy person? Okay then...

You should take a look at my blog if you're in the mood to read a multi-paragraph blog entry about this topic.

♫ She's got sunset on her breath, I inhaled just a little bit now I got no fear of death ♫
Scholar
#5 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 4:30 PM
I just feel self-conscious.
Scholar
#6 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 5:33 PM
I was really shy when I was in high school, but I've mostly broken out of that. Nowadays if I'm quiet, it's usually just because I don't have anything nice to say. I'm still much more open with my friends, but I wouldn't exactly say I'm quiet otherwise.

I still get shy in groups or with new people but I figure acting friendly and keeping up with a conversation is a lot better than the alternative, and usually once I get into the groove of things, I'm not nervous anymore. I realize that's a lot easier said than done for a lot of people though. I just needed a kick in the ass to get me there.

"You're born naked, and everything else is drag."
dA
Last.fm
tumblr
Instructor
Original Poster
#7 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 6:11 PM
Quote: Originally posted by vhanster
Because I'd rather post nonsense on forums than talking to real people? :foreveralone:


Nice joke.

My male Sims are...Simulicious!
Instructor
Original Poster
#8 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 6:13 PM
Anyway, it's great to see that I'm not the only one who goes through this. None of my family members were shy, so I wouldn't know how they got out of their shells.

My male Sims are...Simulicious!
Alchemist
#9 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 8:04 PM
I don't usually speak first, I wait for someone else to initiate a conversation; then, I speak a lot.

Evil doesn't worry about not being good. - The Warden, Dragon Age Origins
Alchemist
#10 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 8:51 PM
I get that question a lot. A woman I work with sarcastically asks me to stop talking so much. I don't even bother to feign amusement anymore when she says it. It's just stupid. Aye, I'm extremely shy to detriment... and also very introspective. I feel as if I'm generally paying more attention to people's motives and what makes them tick than trying to engage in conversation. I do have confidence problems, sure. But I talk plenty when I'm comfortable...it's just that rarely am I comfortable. I also think a lot; all the time...I mean, all the time. And daydream. So I'm usually lost in thought. When I DO speak I try to make it count. I don't say the same joke every week just so I can hear myself talk. A lot of people talk far too often. I usually want the things I say to have a purpose, and have some impact. Small talk isn't really my thing. Sometimes I try it out just to fit in, but it feels silly.

That being said, I maintain a friendly demeanor and usually give people just enough so that they like me. This way I can be quiet as I please, but not be mistaken for rude. This I affectionately refer to as, "Silent Manipulation".
Forum Resident
#11 Old 18th Jul 2012 at 9:11 PM
Haaaa well, I just don't relate to my peers. I'm into alternative type music, gaming, graphic novels, Asian cinema and various other dodgy film's like I heart huckabees and everything is illuminated, anime, I have an inner goth who loves steampunk (yeah I was a teenage goth) and I'm very into 50's retro style which is the clothing I tend to wear........ Lets just say I don't have much to talk about with the other mums at the playground!
I always feel uncomfortable when I wear clothes I love too, I always feel overderessed because standard wear is jeans andT-shirt around here (which I hate) so people tend to stare at me sometimes or just give me dirty looks. There is one mum I see on the way to school who said to me 'I always look out for you coming up the hill just so I can see what your waering that day, I love your clothes.' which is a nice boost to my self esteem but otherwise I just want to crawl into a hole and hide away from everyone.
Society has made me shy.

Quote: Originally posted by paksetti
I still get shy in groups or with new people but I figure acting friendly and keeping up with a conversation is a lot better than the alternative


I know me too but some days don't you get tired of 'acting freindly'? I do!

Disclaimer: These are the personally, personal opinions of me, myself and I. Yours may vary.
Terms & conditions do not apply
Field Researcher
#12 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 5:58 PM
I'm autistic, and it's a real struggle to handle social situations. I do my best, but it doesn't help that not many people like hanging around me, or that I get invited to places only to be asked to not come at the last minute.

Life Stage: Teen Traits: Hopeless Romantic, Computer Whiz, Couch Potato, Shy Partner: Ted
School: High School Career: Writing; Fan Fiction Drafter Miscellaneous: Rich; Scorpio
Top Secret Researcher
#13 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 6:10 PM
That is fucked up, SpookyOkyBatGirl, that they invite you, then just turn around, and then ask not to come. That is truly fucked up. And I am sorry that people are cold towards you.

I am quiet, because usually I have nothing to say. I have my close friends, that are freaking awesome, and I love them. But then again it could be how I look. I have two now piercings, a stud, and a bull ring. That could be one reason people try to walk the other way. And I am like this EMO looking person, (Or got the scene look) and Gothic as well. I love my black. But I dunno. I tend to just isolate myself, because I am me. I am not what the world wants me to be. I am just me.

I talk to my my family, my girlfriend, and my friends. That is pretty much it.

"Queen of the Damned seeks knight in shining piercings for pleasure, pain and purring"--Scary Mary from the Urbz: Sims In The City

"A Famous Explorer once said: 'The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.'"--Lara Croft from Tomb Raider 2013
Test Subject
#14 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 6:13 PM
I can't handle being in crowds, much less sitting right next to a complete stranger. And most of the time, my mindset is way on the other side of the spectrum of what some would consider "acceptable" or "normal", so.....I don't have many friends.

Wait, what is normal anyways? Ehm...okay, yeah, to be honest? I'd rather spend my several hours at home, alone, listening to music you all hate, and playing games that you think are for children than go shopping for exuberantly-priced clothing at a supermall and rubbing elbows with I don't even know who the hell that guy is. And soaps? ......that would explain your divorce streak. And please don't talk about your God. I'm allergic to your rantings about him. Going to hell, you say? Sure, I'll catch up with you down there and share a beer or two, sound cool?

Certainly something I would just love to say to people from time to time, but I can't cause I tend to piss people off even more. So....I just play mute. >_> Ugh....
Theorist
#15 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 6:39 PM
I used to be incredibly quiet in high school. I was relatively chatty up until 14 and I used to have no problem making jokes in front of an entire class, but after some things happened and I got bullied I completely stopped talking in front of anyone who I wasn't good friends with and the thought of social situations terrified me. Even getting asked a question in class in front of everyone terrified me. I'd sit there pretending to write and thinking over and over, 'Please don't ask me, please don't ask me', just because I didn't want the attention drawn to me. If they asked me I'd barely be able to answer, I'd stutter and stumble over my words so that everything came out completely wrong.

I'm a lot better now. I still don't really like being in a social situation where I know nobody and have to make entirely new friends, but otherwise I'm generally okay. I still think I'm really socially awkward though. I always feel like I say the wrong thing and I'm a little too odd! But to be honest I think a lot of it is that I don't really see the point in putting in all that effort with people that you don't like that much or you don't particularly want to be friends with. I'm polite but I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to them. I had at least two teachers at school ask me to stay behind after class and ask me why I never said anything and why I wasn't friends with any of the girls in my class. I told them that I just didn't want to be friends with them and I didn't see why I should bother making small talk about pointless things. It's not like I didn't have friends, I did, so why wasn't that enough? One of those teachers used to actively try to make me socialize with the others in the class by changing the seating arrangements etc.

Quote: Originally posted by coltraz
I get that question a lot. A woman I work with sarcastically asks me to stop talking so much. I don't even bother to feign amusement anymore when she says it. It's just stupid.

I hate when people make jokes about you being quiet. Once when I was about fifteen we were studying Pride and Prejudice in my English class and my teacher was comparing people in the class to characters in the novel. At that time I would never speak up in class voluntarily and I didn't want to do anything that would draw attention to myself. If I ever got asked a question in class I would actually stutter when I answered. As a joke the teacher compared me to Mr Collins because he was really obnoxious and spoke a lot about nothing, but I was mortified. I went bright red and I just wanted to disappear. It seems like a really small thing to get upset about and I know if it happened now I'd laugh, but at the time I wanted to cry.

"Your life was a liner I voyaged in."
Scholar
#16 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 7:03 PM
Since I was so quiet in school, people would actually come up to me and ask if I talked or not. The first few times people asked me that question I would give them a response, but after like the 10th time of getting asked that question, I would just shake my head no. Then they would just look at me like I had four noses.
Alchemist
#17 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 7:11 PM
Quote: Originally posted by xXxPrince Of DarknessxXx

I talk to my my family, my girlfriend, and my friends. That is pretty much it.


Ditto. I'm not one to make friends myself, the friends I have are people I know from school, high, college, y'know, places I used to go to and I go to daily. I have a pretty hard time approaching people, but, as I've said before, if they approach me, I've no problem talking to them. Also, I can't speak on the phone for my life, I just can't find the right words if I don't see the person's eyes (don't know why, but it doesn't go the same on Facebook and other social networks). I'm a weird type of shy, I guess.

Evil doesn't worry about not being good. - The Warden, Dragon Age Origins
Alchemist
#18 Old 19th Jul 2012 at 7:15 PM
I'm pretty quiet most of the time, just on the ineternet I can write as much bullshit as I want, good thing, the internet
Even on parties I'm just sitting there, feeling forever alone because I don't say anything and no one is coming up to me, ''what's up?'' But it gets better when a good friend comes in with some whisky

If you remember me, I'm awesome!
__________
Need help building? We'll help.
Undead Molten Llama
#19 Old 20th Jul 2012 at 6:01 AM
I talk as much in real life as I "talk" online...which is a lot. When I was a teen, I did go through that common but awkward "Everyone picks on me! I'm so insecure! WAH, I'm gonna kill myself!" stage. But a combination of growing up and then deciding to work as a performer pretty much turned things around for me, and I went from fairly introverted to pretty strongly extroverted. I like to think I'm not obnoxiously "talky," though, and I don't think I am. I'm aware that listening to others is sometimes vastly more important than being able to talk to others and that both skills and a good balance of them are required in order to hold a good conversation.

I will say that I don't like talking on phones, mostly because it's communicating with a voice without having any "cues" from body language or facial expressions to indicate what the person is thinking or feeling. I'm very attuned to such things, and the lack of cues when communicating disconcerts me. I don't have that same problem with Internet communication, though, probably because there's no vocal component, either. So, I could easily (and happily) do without phones for the rest of my life, and vastly prefer communicating face-to-face, so that I can see the person and "read" them.

In general, I tend to think that the Internet and texting and such has resulted in a society the younger generations of which don't know how to communicate very well on a face-to-face level; I especially see that in people who were born in the 90s and later, the stretch of time when technology was and is exploding, rather than in my generation. (Born in the 60s and growing to adulthood in the 80s.) I'm not saying that the Internet et. al. are bad in and of themselves, of course, but I do think that it has had a strong and possibly negative impact on people's ability to communicate with each other effectively when face-to-face. I mean, my daughter and my housemate's daughter, who basically grew up as sisters, will sit in the same room, sometimes right next to each other on the same couch...and text each other instead of talking. I think it's ridiculous, but they look at me like I'm insane and say that it's normal. It's things like this that make me more keenly aware of generational differences. It doesn't surprise me that, at least so I've noticed, a lot more people, especially young people, identify as "introverted" now than they used to. At least, it seems that way to me.

I'm mostly found on (and mostly upload to) Tumblr these days because, alas, there are only 24 hours in a day.
Muh Simblr! | An index of my downloads on Tumblr.
Top Secret Researcher
#20 Old 21st Jul 2012 at 8:43 AM Last edited by billielith : 21st Jul 2012 at 12:49 PM.
@McChoclatey
I sooo agree with you.
Walking up to people and start a conversation can be so intimidating when you don't know them, fear rejection, aren't sure what they'll think. Outgoing people don't care about that and say 'just be yourself', but there's no button 'off' with fears. Especially if you've been hurt/rejected/humiliated by people before, when you tried to act friendly.


@Vhanster
Talking about yourself there?
Because else, this is exactly the kind of attitude that causes shy people to lock further away in their shells, for the long term sometimes. Even if you're totally right; hiding behind a computer isn't a solution to the loneliness that comes with the shyness. But trying to talk to real people (especially if you emit that awkward vibe that says "I am terrified of talking to you") gets you real-life rejection, often harder to take than online bad jokes. It's a difficult mental wall to cross, and when you cross it, it's difficult to stand the rejection and not be shattered by it when you're already weak with socializing.


@paksetti
I totally envy you.
I'd love to read a whole book about that kick in the ass you mention. And I'm not sure it would work for me as well as it did for you, lol.


@McChoclatey
If the people of your family have never been shy, maybe they never had to overcome shyness. One way to find out would be to ask them, though.


@Coltraz
"Stop talking so much" isn't the best way to make you feel at ease, whether you overtalk or undertalk. I don't think small talk is silly though, it's difficult to really find THE right thing to say when you don't know everyone involved or if you're not a specialist of the current topic. If your input has to be perfect before you say anything, this attitude walls you to near total silence, not sure it's really good for you.


@missy harries
I don't relate to anyone. I'm a hybrid. I was raised by people of two generations older, so I have some overdate ideas about certain things; yet I was a single mom at age 18, so I have youngish ideas about some other things; I am a living clash of generations.

Society has so narrow expectations, linear trends. You need to be either all this, or all that, anything in between is unacceptable. To heck with that.

That person who dared tell you a compliment about your clothes is awesome. You feel 'under' everyone else because you don't fit in, but I bet the others think you feel 'above' and they probably resent it, and it might be why they stay away. Just a thought. I've been misunderstood alot as 'snob' when I was in high school while I was really terrified of them all; result of years of being a victim to bullying.


@SpookyOkyBatGirl
I agree with Prince of Darkness here, it's really nonsense if they keep dismissing you *after* inviting you. I'd just slack them off or ask why.


@Prince of Darkness
Family, gf, friends, that's pretty much it for a lot of people. But when you lose all of that within a few years, or never really had much of it to begin with, and when you have to start over, you don't have much of a choice but look in the pool you've been leaving aside: strangers. It can be the challenge of a lifetime to start from scratch with that, especially if you're the shy kind.


@Phoeberg
I hate it when teachers make it a mission to force you to talk to people in the class you don't like. If you were a target for bullying, you probably preferred to stay away from ALL these people. Why force it? If you're the one suffering from it and the others don't care, why force you to be in more contact than necessary with these people?

That teacher who made that joke about you was just stupid. You had a reason to get upset. It was unkind of them. Teachers are supposed to be professionals there to help you realize you at your best potential but often they're just broken people with a need to hit vulnerable people, just to distract themselves from their own miserable life.


@iCad
I can just agree completely with you about the relation between the explosion of Internet as a means to communicate with people and the number of people hiding behind it to communicate with other humans. Then you get websites created where people spiral down about loneliness, write pages-long posts about how eternally lonely they feel, but will never try to meet other humans; from the fear that conversation will not occur anyway. Sometimes it's all it would take to turn off the 'endless abyss of loneliness' depression. Words on a screen are not enough to fill real people's Social bars. :P

I know I can't do it, but I'm still going to do it. - M. C. Escher
Test Subject
#21 Old 21st Jul 2012 at 9:38 AM
I'm absolutely no good at starting a conversation with anyone but my friends. I have trouble talking to strangers mainly because I never know what to say to them.
Top Secret Researcher
#22 Old 21st Jul 2012 at 1:08 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Tanokuya
I'm absolutely no good at starting a conversation with anyone but my friends. I have trouble talking to strangers mainly because I never know what to say to them.

Alot of strangers don't like to talk to strangers, so if you try with these types, you're most likely to fail anyway. Some will think you're trying to flirt, and if you're not their type they'll turn away, if you're their type the conversation will take a turn you don't really want.

You can try talking of the weather, something in the landscape, or if anything happened you can talk about that.

For example, yesterday a lady and her husband got in the same train wagon than me and my daughter at the amusement park. At first it was kind of awkward because the wagons are tiny and it's usually 1 family per wagon, we weren't really happy to be there with each other. Then the person in charge of the ride said incomprehensible instructions on the speaker, and the lady asked me what they said, and I jokingly reproduced the incomprehensible sounds, and it's how we started talking a little. It hasn't been a grand conversation but it was less awkward than at the start.

I know I can't do it, but I'm still going to do it. - M. C. Escher
Field Researcher
#23 Old 21st Jul 2012 at 2:02 PM
Being introverted is just one personality type, there's nothing wrong with it. Anyone who says otherwise has probably not stopped to think about what they're actually criticizing.

In this video she says what a lot of introverts have probably thought, without knowing how to put into words.

http://youtu.be/c0KYU2j0TM4
Undead Molten Llama
#24 Old 21st Jul 2012 at 6:16 PM
Quote: Originally posted by MsScribble
Being introverted is just one personality type, there's nothing wrong with it. Anyone who says otherwise has probably not stopped to think about what they're actually criticizing.


No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. Anything that I said wasn't meant as criticism.

But like billielith said, I think there IS something wrong if people hide behind a computer screen or the screen of a cell phone, don't interact with others, and identify as an "introvert"...all while crying online about loneliness and about how no one understands them, etc. (Note: Not saying that the OP or anyone here particularly came off like that; I'm speaking of things I've seen elsewhere and watching the behavior of other people -- including my own kids, my housemate's kids, and their friends -- in real life.) Why? Because there's a logical disconnect there, you see. A "true" introvert is generally and genuinely happy alone. My daughter is fairly introverted, much like I was when I was her age -- but she is never lonely and is involved with lots of things that keep her occupied and very happy, mostly having to do with animals, not people. So often, introverts are happiest when alone. They generally won't bemoan being alone and generally don't experience much in the way of "loneliness." (Note: I don't mean to say that introverts are NEVER lonely. Human beings are social animals, after all, and that drive is there in most of us to at least SOME degree. A complete lack of it is generally a symptom of sociopathy. So, please note the frequent use of the word "generally." )

So as I said, I think the real issue with the above sort of person is that they lack communication skills, and this is something that, I think, current technology is only exacerbating. People almost seem to be genuinely afraid to talk to people, and it didn't seem to be like that even just 20 years ago, even when I was living in the biggest of cities rather than in my current tiny town where all the non-celebrity locals know each other and going to the store can be an hours-long activity because of all the people you know and chat with and catch up with while there. But now, sometimes, when you try to talk to people they look at you like you've grown another head at first...but then sometimes they'll click and you can have a good conversation even about the most meaningless things. I love chatting with bored grocery store checkers, for instance, and avoid going through self check-outs for this very reason.

And in general, I think that no matter where technology goes, knowing how to talk to people is important. There will always be, for instance, job interviews, and people who don't talk well, make good eye contact, smile convincingly, etc. don't do well at that sort of thing, I'm afraid, no matter how qualified they might be for the job in question. People skills will get you far in life, and I think even the most introverted can cultivate them to at least some degree. However, our current technology-riddled lifestyle I think tends to impede the learning of people skills.

I'm mostly found on (and mostly upload to) Tumblr these days because, alas, there are only 24 hours in a day.
Muh Simblr! | An index of my downloads on Tumblr.
Top Secret Researcher
#25 Old 22nd Jul 2012 at 1:35 AM
Quote: Originally posted by iCad
A "true" introvert is generally and genuinely happy alone.


Yes, but even a true introvert is likely to feel lonely occasionally if they have absolutely no friends or family to interact with.
Page 1 of 2
Back to top