so for the past few weeks i've become friends with a boy in my year group
when he was walking home with me
he asked me whether i wanted to go to prom with him
this made me nevous and i didn't want to dissapoint him so i just said yes
i wasn't even planing on going to prom because i'm not the type of person who would really want to go to prom
i can't even tell my parents because they kept telling me not to go out with boys my mum would probaly be mad at me
i'm also scared that he is going to tell everybody at school that i am going to prom with him because i would get really nervous when people ask me about me going to prom with him. also my cousin goes to the same school as me so she could find out and tell her mum but her mum would tell my mum meaning that my mum would find out and would become mad at me
also he's got a girlfriend who goes to a different school yet he still asks me to go to prom with him
i'm only his friend and i don't even want to be in a romantic relationship with Him.
he must really fancy me

i don't know what to do i just can't get it off my mind normaly a girl would probaly get all exsited and wouldn't even get bothered about it but im not that type of person

What should i do?

Maybe he asked you to prom as a friend? Chances are those were his intentions if he has a girlfriend and you're just friends so I wouldn't worry about not wanting to be in a relationship with him. Just make sure if you do go with him, his girlfriend knows and is fine with it. Plus you should probably make sure with him first that it is just a friend-date, not a date-date, otherwise that could cause some very awkward situations.

As for your parents, you should probably tell them (it will be easier if you include that you're going as friends) before your cousin does, or just tell your friend that your parents wouldn't want you going to the prom with a boy.

@Bigsimsfan12
thanks
i'll ask him tomorrow
but it's going to be really hard to tell my parents because my mum thinks of the worst in every thing
to be honest i don't even want to go to prom i think i might have social anxiety because i get really nervous when i socialize with people sometimes, i might just have to tell him i don't want to go to prom with him but i really don't like to disappoint people

If you don't want to go, then you probably shouldn't. You're only thinking of going because this guy asked you; if you go, then you have to tell your mom about it, you have a potentially awkward situation with the guy, and you go to prom where you may end up feeling nervous and awkward for the night.

So, to the matter of telling the guy you don't want to go. Probably the easiest thing to do is keep it simple and straightforward. Something like: "I didn't want to go to prom, but I did want to hang out with you. But after thinking about it, I think prom will be too stressful for me. How about we hang out some other time?" That way, you make it clear that you still want to be friends. Just not his friend-date to the prom.

And honestly? If he's a good guy, then he'll be less disappointed if you tell him no up front than if you force yourself through an uncomfortable situation on his behalf.

I would advice you to talk to your doctor about that.
I went for years with undiagnosed social anxiety, and even though I can't get rid of it (tried cognitive therapy and hypnosis, didn't help in any way), it brings me some closure just to have the diagnosis.

@hugbug993
thanks so much i feel much better now
he is a good guy he's not like what most teenagers are like these days (taking drug, being obsessed with sex, rebelling in class etc)
he's a really good guy which why i am more than happy to be be his friend i just feel comfortable talking to him, he's a bit like my dad because he has the same interests as dad had when he was his age i think that is one of the reasons why i feel more comfortable hanging out with him
i don't feel nervous like i am when i am talking to other guys and i really enjoy hanging out with him but then after he asked me to go to prom i got all the feeling back that i would get with a guy i don't feel comfortable with which i don't want to feel uncomfortable talking to him

so i'm going tell him that
"i really appreciate it that you asked me to the prom with you but to be honest i don't really want to go to prom because i don't feel comfortable going to the prom, i still want to be your friend but i would find the situation really awkward even though you want to go as friends, i'm sorry if i have disappointed you, i hope that you can understand why i don't want to go to the prom with you and i hope we can still be friends."

do you think this would be the right thing to say?

Honestly? I think you should go to the prom. As long as you're not doing anything at the prom you're not comfortable with, the prom is not a marginal sort of thing, in retrospect. You only get access to proms for a certain very short period of your life. Even if you don't feel like you're the "sort of person who goes to proms" it's often worth to go to things one isn't the sort of person to go to just to expose yourself to the sorts of people who are. I went to three proms when I was of age, but not my own. I didn't fit in at any of them, but nevertheless found them fascinating and even met some friends there that I've moderately kept in touch with over decades. For the record, I was dating absolutely none of the three girls I went to their proms with. They were always just friends who wanted to go to this weird teenage ritual but recognized that it's not the sort of event you show up alone to. So I'd say go. You can always leave early, but then you'd be able to say you went. You won't get an infinite number of chances to attend a prom.

thanks
my mum has social anxiety the only people she talks to is family, she's not properly spoken to her friends for quite a long time

i think i have social anxiety because people judge me at school because of my voice (people say i have a baby's voice with out thinking that it would offend me which it does)
i must of picked up social anxiety of my mum if that is possible
i wish i was more like my cousin she has no problem at all socializing, she is always surrounded by friends at school sometimes i get jealous of her because she has the ability to make lot of friends and i don't
i'm kind of what people would call a loner because all my friends (except the boy who asked me to go to the prom with him) don't want to hang out with me

@coolsims22:
I'm guessing he likes you, so don't worry about it too much.

This is just my opinion, but I think proms are overrated. I went to mine with my then-girlfriend. We had spent over a week, and a lot of money, on finding matching clothes, her in a dress and me in a tux, and planning our grand entrance and all that. And then we went there, and it was just.. meh. People just treated it as yet another typical highschool party. Booze booze drink drink blah. We left early, at midnight (it went on until 4AM), because it was just such a huge letdown.

Of course, it has to be said that I'm danish. I have a feeling that you americans treat prom with more importance.

If things make you anxious, it can actually be good for you to try to go. Keeping away from what makes you anxious will only lead to the anxiety getting worse. If the anxiety gets bad, you'll still have the option of leaving.

Handle social situations isn't something that comes with a snap of the fingers. You actually have to practice. I get anxious in different social settings, and used to get even more anxious than now. I'm lousy at smalltalk, phone calls and so forth - my brain just shuts off, and I can't remember anything, let alone get out a full sentence without stumbling over it several times. Anything where I have to open my mouth and let out something halfway intelligent, anyway. But I've had a bit of professional support lately, and it's slowly getting easier for me to handle those situations. I just had to work with myself and try to stay in the situation and work with myself to focus outwards instead of inwards, rather than opt to not getting into the situation at all. The situation gets worse the more you think about it, and when you overthink it, you won't be able to do anything at all because you're just going to scare yourself from living your life.

If the anxiety is so bad it hinders you from doing things you want to do, and hinders you from living your life, then seek help. Anxiety tends to get worse if nothing is done to overcome it.

Maybe you can explain to the boy that you're a bit anxious for social settings? Being honest about it can make him be a good support for you. It's probably also not so smart to see it as a romantic date if he already has a girlfriend. Tell him that you want to go as friends.

Also, take a little chat with your mom. Sooner or later she'll have to let you find yourself a boyfriend, and unless you're very much below 16, maybe it's about time?

I think the part I bolded is all you really need to say. You don't feel comfortable going to the prom, but you're flattered by the invitation. Personally, I think it's uncomfortable when people are overapologetic, even though I do the same thing myself.

Just keep it short and sweet and you'll be fine.

Also, if he tries to persuade you after you say that, just keep saying "no". That's all you need to say.

Of course they're overrated. It's high school where every single thing is so very, very overrated. But that doesn't mean that it's not important - almost certainly not for the reasons that you'll think about in high school (boys, girls, cliques, dresses, dancing) but for the whole entirety of exposing yourself to the "high school experience"? Yeah, it's a stupid rite of passage outdated ritual. It's absolutely not important for the actual context of the event itself, as much as it is an event that you attend in support of the vague, tenuous associations you'll find yourself returning to later on in life.

Will it be wonderful? Who knows. I never thought they were. I've heard from some people on occasion who claim otherwise, and how can I refute them because people experience things differently. But I do know you're not able to actually evaluate an experience you've never had. So I say, go to the prom. Maybe it will suck, maybe it won't. But you won't know unless you do it, and unlike other sorts of parties proms are kind of on a timer that runs out at the end of childhood.

You've got a prom in fall? Odd, I've never heard of that before.

To be honest, I'm kind of two minds about this type of situation. It is important to push yourself to do things outside of your comfort zone, but if you're making yourself sick with worry about it, it'd be better to bow out now than risk triggering a panic attack or something.

FWIW, I went to prom with my Not-Boyfriend and a huge group of friends and had a ball. It wasn't The Night That Changed Our Lives Forever or anything, but we danced, drank punch, and had a lot of fun. There was a small minority of people who were drinking, but my group was sober and it didn't affect us in any way. The real fun of the event comes from getting sick of the dancing and the loud music and sneaking off with your friends to talk.

If she's in the US, we have a prom in fall associated with football somehow. I can't remember why, it's been years.

I'll agree with you on the second bolded part, the best part about interjecting yourself in these types of social situations, even if you don't feel comfortable, is because often you end up finding a valuable friend you didn't know you had that much in common with because you're both completely bored of the dancing and the drama queens and you end up sneaking off to have a real conversation.

no it is not in fall it is in two years time (i'm in year 10 and i am 15)
which is why i am surprised that he asked me so early but i think he told me that he wanted to ask me now because i might not be available
nearer the time of the prom

i know it is long time away
time can go quicker than you think so that is why i felt uncomfortable
but after a while i started to relax about it, but i think i should wait quite a while before i tell my parents because anything could happen in two years

i spoken too him today but he didn't say anything about the prom because if i just randomly started talking too him about the prom it would get a bit awkward between us. but i am suppose to hang out with him at the park in two weeks time on the week end so i will tell him then how i feel about going to the prom with him i'm not going to tell him that i don't want to go, i will tell him that i don't want to do anything that i feel uncomfortable with at the prom.

I think you should consider going to prom. Yes, anything can happen in 2-years. You'll be that much closer to being an adult, and your parents may even be completely fine with it.

When I was in high school, I was extremely shy and suffered terrible social anxiety. No way I was brave enough to ask any girl to my senior prom, and even the entire idea of that experience terrified me. My best friend and I had become classroom friends with a very attractive girl in my Trig class (she was a junior, I was a senior). We had mentioned to her that we were just going to have a guy's night out on prom night since my buddy asked many girls who turned him down, and he teasingly mentioned how I didn't have the balls to talk to girls at all. A few days later, she gives me a big hug in the hall and asks me if I would take her to prom. Mind. Blown. My friends were relentlessly teasing me about it, giving me advice on how to make a move, that I need to get some condoms, no way I could turn down that offer, etc. Just stupid teasing that guys do. Anyway, I was really terrified about the whole prospect and my stupid guy friends weren't helping. Of course, me being me, the whole thing had me so scared I talked myself into believing she just had pity for me, and I kindly declined her offer the next day. Ended up just hanging out with my guy friends on prom night doing nothing memorable at all. Thinking back, I feel like that would have an amazing life experience and a memory I would have always treasured. Anytime I see anything about prom, I can't help but regret what I might have missed out on by being such a chicken.

So my advice is, don't be like me.

@GnatGoSplat
thanks so much
once it gets closer to the time of the prom i will tell my parents about my plans

I think the real point about high school is that it's really a unique environment. College might not seem like a big transition at the time, but it will be (and no, not in a bad way. Change is change, its value depends on what you soak it in.) There's all sorts of things you have opportunities to experience in high school, good and bad, that you won't have access to later on in life the same way. I went to proms, but I didn't go to my prom. Which is a little like going to a pep rally or school sporting event, but not your events. You can tell yourself ahead of time "I don't care about such things. I don't need to experience them," but really, unless you've got a substantially better reason than that saying otherwise, at least attempting to engage in the whole "mystique of high school" doesn't cost you much and it might (no promises) reap all sorts of rewards.

Once you're in college the same premise should be in effect. At least once you should "hang out in the dorms" even if you're not staying in them. Personally I thought the Fraternities and Sororities were way, way not my scene but my best friend (who is very much like me) enjoyed the hell out of his non-Frat fraternity. And whether it's only to walk away quickly and not look back, it's worth to attend those sorts of organization's events at least once when you're a peer. Get your eyes on them, make up your own decisions on things not based on your preconceptions but your own experiences.

There's a whole lot of life that's not always pleasant or wonderful (but sometimes turns out to be amazing and life-changing) that I'm of the firm belief that, regardless of what sorts of stress it puts on you, you should clench your fists, grit your teeth, and just do. Once is often enough. You don't head to the prom and suddenly change into "that girl who goes to proms," or attend a Frat party and suddenly end up with a weird logo tattoo on your backside. Even when you're terribly afraid in life, it's worth it to challenge yourself and leave your comfort zone. This is especially true in high school and in college. I saw one of the shy, "never go out" girls from my high school on television the other day - giving a press conference. Sometimes you only imagine you have limits, until you step across the boundaries you've set for yourself and discover that there's absolutely nothing holding you back but yourself.

I like to use Palmolive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzmTtusvjR4

So profound, Mistermook. I'm so used to your humor, that one caught me by surprise.

Ohhhh, if the prom he is asking about is two years away, he's probably throwing that out there as a feeler, a "would you even think about hanging out with me" kind of thing. We're all insecure to some respect and it's hard, especially if you're shy, to just up and ask someone if they want to be friends, hang out... let alone ask them on a date. You've got time honey. In two years, you might have a line of people asking you to prom, so don't sweat it. Be friends with him. Get to know him - isn't that what we'd make our sims do? When it gets a little closer, then you can decide who you want to go with, if you want to go at all (I think you should). Relax, deep breaths, and focus on figuring out who you are and what you like. The rest will come.

thanks
i know it is a long time away
but i don't think i'll be able to afford a good prom dress for the prom
my parents are not rich and i have a job but i don't get paid.

do you know any sites of shops in the uk that sell beautiful but cheap prom dress?
when i mean cheap i mean below £200

i know it is along time away but i need to know when to start saving up for a dress if i go to the prom

@pizza

oh yes please if you don't mind
or if you want you could post it to my private messages on this site

it's your choice

@pizza

that is a beautiful dress
i know my prom is in two years time but i am thinking of getting a light blue prom dress
also may i ask how much did your dress cost?
sorry if i am being rude asking you this