Often, the random things people say, whether in or out of context, can be hilarious.
It might be fun to share what we've overheard.

If there is a thread like this already, my apologies and please let me know as soon as possible. I have no idea how to search for it.

For starters:


Overheard: "If you'd like some really flat orange soda, help yourself; it's on the porch."

Wait. Do we share what we've overheard? Or is this a game where we put what you've overheard into a context that makes sense?

Just share, I think, although feel free to share the context after you've shared if you think it will help.

*Edit* I've changed my mind. It took a while for what you were saying to sink in. I think that's a brilliant idea, Blake! Can we have it both ways?

How about if we post items overheard and/or respond to someone else's post and give their item a context?

This could be fun.

My house is a weird place. You're liable to hear things like the following:

"Hey, ma! Would ya mind taking the dominoes out of the fridge in about a half hour? I've gotta go spread some poop." (In this case, "dominoes" doesn't refer to game pieces. In fact, it refers to something you probably don't want to know about.)

"OMG, I forgot to take the mice out of the microwave!"

"Would you please get Medusa out of the bathtub?"

"Look! It pupated!" (This said while jumping excitedly up and down, mind you.)

"Where the hell did you put my bat poop?"

"Dude, this is some freaky-ass shit!" (Which probably isn't weird...except that it was said at a Bible study this past Thursday evening, and it was said about a Bible passage. The Prophets, you know, were freaky-ass people. Especially Ezekiel.)

"The hummingbirds! Swear to God, they're trying to kill me!"

"That is some loopy inverting you're doing there, kiddo."

"The Admiral's gone friggin' nuts again! Can I kill him, please?"

"Holy cow, what position do I use for that?!"

"Oooooh, wouldn't it be interesting if we had the llamas step in paint and then walk all over this stuff?" (My artist housemate, ruminating on the creative abilities of camelids and the apparently wondrous qualities of some weird crinkly paper she found online that's sold in large rolls. Hey, elephants paint...)

So, uh, yeah. Our household is pretty freaky-ass, I'm afraid. It's what happens when you combine teenagers in general, a musician, an artist, a teenager who's into organic gardening, exotic pets, livestock, and wacky Christianity.

"I'm drunk on macaroni and expired cookies!"

"My shoes remind me of watermelon christmas."

"He's doing the jelly poop dance! Come look!"


Haha, so weird...

Overheard today in thrift shop -
Woman 1: (first she was talking about a trip to Poland and visiting the area where John Paul II came from) They used an abacus for adding things up..
Woman 2(not there with Woman 1; Woman 1 randomly started talking to her): Well, whatever works.
Woman 1: And I got an amber necklace for around $3.
Woman 2: That sounds like a nice trip.
Woman 1: Yes, I've been everywhere. I can travel where I want because I never got married and don't have any kids. But that's okay because I never wanted any children. I can't stand them.
Woman 2: Well, you know what's important about that is that you knew yourself and knew your limits. You didn't just have kids because everyone was doing it. You had self-knowledge and I admire that.
And then Woman 1 started talking about how she was also glad she never got married because she's been watching Behind Mansion Walls and Blood Relatives and other stuff on I.D. and she's glad she doesn't have to worry about being murdered by her husband. The End

"There's not a mosquito on you!"

"No I'm not; I'm just drying you."

"Get your pyjamas on and clean your teeth. Because they never listen!"

"I'm a big grizzly bear and I like to do a pear."

"Why don't we throw a dictionary at his head? Then we'd know how the French say 'ow'."

"So long as the thimble doesn't break when the calpol expands."

"How is Christian Union not an achivement? We gather every Friday to eat in God's name."

"You don't even know what monkeys are?" "Yes I do; they're creatures that swing through the trees every day and night."

"I've done everything north of the crust dwarves."

"Don't tell Bartosz, but he's my boyfriend." (said by a three-year-old)

"Yesterday's cat is today's stuffed mushroom."

"I'll recalibrate your whiteboard for you!"

"If I was gay I'd fancy Jed... or if I was a girl of course."

Holy Mushrooms! These are fantastic! As silly as they are, they mostly make sense, sort of, except for NT's. Those are amazingly random.

Meh, I have a three younger brothers and a couple of weird friends. *shrug*. You get used to it.

Here's another one: "Do NOT put that cat on your brothers head!" (Although I did start that one....)

My mom overheard me sing one time "La-lee-la-lee-la, I have diarrhea!"

Nice Natteryack, though we have whiteboards that need calibrating.

"Of course we couldn't take Dad because he does that thing".

I overheard this as I was getting onto a bus, the speaker was getting off; for years now I've wondered what the 'thing' was.

And just remembered ... I heard this in a post office queue:

Old Lady One: The house door to me has been rented to students.

Old Lady Two: Ooh, watch out, students stole my daughter's boiler.

This has always puzzled me. I know students tend to be hard up, but are they really resorting to burgling plumbing equipment?!

LOL - me too. This reminds me of a game someone introduced to me as we were playing The Sims Online (back in the old days, long before there was a Sims 2 or even the idea of a Sims 2 leaked to the public). He called the game "Elevator" and said that you typically play it as you walk off of an elevator or at any similar situation where you can give those nearby a snippet of a conversation that sounds intriguing, like the one you just heard. Of course, you just make stuff up in the game and see how people react.

How do you see people's reaction if you just walk off the elevator?

That's a fair question. I suppose you could glance over your shoulder or pause for a minute to say something outrageous before moving on. The targets were the people waiting to get on the elevator.

Just this afternoon, I was helping out my mom with something, the radio was on, and a Cheetos commercial featuring the new Chester Cheetah voice came on, and I mentioned how I didn't like the new one and found it to be creepy (especially coming out of the radio) and how I preferred his old, gravely, jazz-musician style voice.

"Seriously, I just don't trust him. That cheetah has rape in his voice."

Ah, so that's what that Cheetah does while he's on break.

Conversation overheard in a queue between two elderly ladies:

You just go to the Post Orfice an it's next door to that. The Purple place, except it aint purple no more it's green.
Which side of the road is it orn?
It's next to the Post Orfice, whatever side that is--I think it's the left.
The Post Orfice is on the right.
Only if you turn backwards.

Conversation between my 6 year old and my 4 year old:

6 Year old: Suppose you have 4 apples and someone gives you 2 more. How many have you got now?
4 Year old; I don't like apples.

^

I was washing my hands in the bathroom at a convention center, and I overheard the guy in the stall behind me yell the following in a really excited voice:

"There's corn in here!"

I... guess he had eaten corn earlier.

Two conversations I've overheard.

Random Student: "I'm going to call it Vegetables Gone Wild: Hardcorn Cornography"

Girl: "How big do you want me to blow it up?"

Guy: "As big as you want, but, I want it a little bigger"

Girl: "If you make it any bigger it won't fit in there"

Guy: "I think it will fit"

In context;

Girl; "How big do you want me to it blow up, (The Picture)

Guy; "As big as you want it, but, a little bigger. (The're making a poster for art class)

Girl; "I don't think it will fit then. (There isn't enough space in the folder)

Guy; "I think it will" (After he puts in the Flashdrive)

Overheard conversation between a guy about college-age and a little kid, as guy and his family pulled up and greeted kid and his family:

Guy: "Hey [name] (I wasn't paying attention/can't remember name), c'mere and gimmie a hug!" http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:...4e1iweF4ZXc3dVg
Kid: "NO!" >:/
Guy: "C'MERE AND GIMMIE A HUG, ASSWIPE!" >:0

'Cause that's how you win over small children.

A Fourth-of-July -themed one:

Earlier, during a period of what added up to roughly two and a half hours, I counted at least four instances of emergency sirens going past on the road.
Me after the fourth one:
"Damn, who blew off their hand and set themselves on fire this time?!"

Actually, that's not an unreasonable question, seeing as how generations of children around here have grown up holding Roman Candle and Bottle Rocket fights during the first week of July.

"All of my children are covered in your chalk."

"One day I went shopping and I bought: an orange, a cheesecake and a pomegranate."

Overhearing someone describing how that got their dog, which appears to be a beagle mix (which was apparently a rescue dog, but they bought?):

"...It was Black Friday, so we got her on sale because of the black on her."

One time my husband and I were in our car talking, and chocolate somehow came up. Can't remember what exactly we were talking about but this woman walking by gave us a funny look....