What the Heck is the Story Here?

So here's the protagonist in our story. He's pretty blurry, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that that's the aforementioned Pimp Viking. And he's running around the desert, grabbing...brown lumps of some sort off the sand. I have no idea why he's doing this. He's supposed to be a Viking fishmonger, right? Are those fishes? Why would he be collecting fishes in a desert? Why would he be in the desert at all? Weren't the Norsemen famed for their seamanship, not for their desert survival skills? Does Scandinavia even have any deserts?

Right out the gate, this guy's already an enigma. That doesn't bode well for our story. Unless it's a Mystery story. And I have it on good authority that Vikings don't do mysteries. Moving on...


...and sometimes the Pimp Viking runs across bridges...


...and sometimes the Pimp Viking runs across even bigger bridges.


...and sometimes, while he's out roaming this bridge-infested desert, he meets the Pretty Pink Princess...


...and he makes her cry.

...because...because the Pimp Viking and the Princess are in a codependent relationship! And he always tells her that this will be the last time he runs out and collects brown lumps all over the desert, and that he'll be staying home and keeping her company after that, but the "last time" never actually comes, and she stays faithful to him but she gets so lonely and starts weeping every time she watches him run back out into that brown-lump-littered, decidedly non-Scandinavian wasteland again....

There. I think I just solved that part of the mystery! You're welcome.


And then, sometimes the Pimp Viking will encounter this strange, other man out in the desert...


...and the Princess breaks down into tears once again. (Portia? Down in front, please.)

Who is this mysterious man who accosts our hero out in the desert? Is he a brutal highwayman out to rob our noble Pimp Viking of his hard-earned brown lumps? Is he the Pimp Viking's evil doppelganger, come from the Mirror Universe to remove the Pimp Viking from the board and take his place? Is he the Pimp Viking's boss, coming to tell the Pimp Viking that he needs to fill in for another fishmonger this weekend? Is he a secretive homosexual lover with whom the Pimp Viking's having an extramarital affair, and the Princess just found out about it? Really, who is this mysterious man, and why does he provoke the Princess into such weeping fits from afar?


But then, the Princess and the Pimp Viking come together in a castle which happens to be out in the desert for some reason...


...and they kiss passionately enough to ignite a thousand fireworks. And they all live happily ever after.


...at least until he's off grabbing brown things out of the desert again.

Is it first person shooter when he runs over bridges? Seems like a gun.

I think a better question is, how could a Viking be a pimp? The term pimp originated well after the viking age. And if he is supposedly a pimp, why is there only one woman and no others? Don't pimps usually have multiple women? Confusing game is confusing.

I for one would like to talk about the "kids" TV show where the garden gnomes kill the old man lol

and Pizza you too smart for me. All this history knowledge and stuff. Book learnin'. fgvhjbknlm,

I can't take a guess at all. I just believed the game description. I believed, darn it! I BELIEVED.

Barren fruit sounds like an euphemism for empty rewards. Sort of a fruit of your labors type-thing. Rescuing a princess sounds like a Mario parody, and in Mario you never are rewarded for your work.

I'm sorry you had to suffer nuns. I don't use those microwaves. I'd rather not have my food covered in germs, please.

Microwaves and Nuns. That is an interesting combination. Someone should create a game about that and set the location in space.

I'm on it! Which publisher should we pick? Activision's okay, but we probably shouldn't touch Sony Online Entertainment. If SOE can kill off awesome MMOs based on established franchises like Star Wars and The Matrix, then Nuns with Microwaves in Space wouldn't have a chance. .

The outside of the microwave is covered in...let's see, sneezes, spit, feces from people not washing their hands, bacteria... So when I take the food out of the machine, how am I supposed to do that without TOUCHNG the handle? Levitate it out? Wear gloves in public and look like a freak? It's bad enough that I have Lupus and my parents make me wear a surgical mask in large crowds...cuz ya know...a cold could KILL me.

I suppose I could hope that no germs transfer from me taking it out, unwrapping it and cleaning my hands afterward. But seriously why would you use a PUBLIC microwave? Disgusting.

How about Ubisoft? They seem to love creating mindless crap. Hell, if we go with Ubisoft we'll get the best experience ever at only 30fps. It'll make the game more cinematic. And who doesn't want to feel like they're at a cinema while attempting to avoid microwaves and nuns in space?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pimp

I always figured they were just random things. I really would not waste too many brain cells trying to make something out of it, when there may be nothing to work out. ... Or is this meant to be fun and I am being far to practical again?

Hmm...good points, very good points. I suppose that Ubisoft wouldn't have deep enough pockets to hire Morgan Freeman for the narration, though. We could settle for that Markiplier guy from YouTube, I suppose. He has a pretty deep, resonating voice.

You mentioned Mark. I love you now :lovestruc And he has an AMAZING voice