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Test Subject
Original Poster
#1 Old 2nd Oct 2012 at 3:44 PM
Default Mafia Story - Help Needed!
So last night i came up with awesome idea to create a story about the son of a ruthless mafian boss who falls in love with one of the housekeepers (im not sure of her race yet but it wont be italian) and he has to sneak away outside of the mafia turff to see her(because everyone knows everyone in the mafia turff), Eventually his father finds out about them and is furious because he feels as though his son has shamed the family and puts out a hit on her and in an attempt to save her he calls up his cousin who sends her into hiding which pisses his father off so he tries to kill him but the son ends up killing his father in the end and becomes a wanted man so him and his housekeeper girlfriend flee and spend the rest of their lives together in hiding.

Well anyway heres what i came up with so far. Enjoy


Camillo took a step back and admired his newest piece. He enjoyed panting. Each brush stroke against the beige canvas gave him a sense of euphoria, stronger than any high. Slowly sending him to his very own paradise where pain, suffering, and heartache were nonexistent.

“Dinner’s Ready.” One of the housekeepers called startling Camillo and thus ending his daydream. He looked down at the puddle of antique brass colored paint that expanded around his feet.

“Sorry sir, let me go get a mop.” The house keeper fled from the door way and Camillo dropped to his knees in an attempt to clean the paint before it reached the rug. The aroma of the paint calmed him and in a way that only one person ever had. Adriana. Suddenly thoughts of her swarmed his entire being and he became overwhelmed with the feeling of heartache. He needed to smoke.

In his meetings he had been taught time and time again that nothing was worth losing yourself, dying. The beer wasn't worth it, the coke wasn't worth it and certainly Adriana wasn't worth it.

But that did not stop him from snorting it all the same. Sober for over six months, for her, clean for nearly a year because of her and now it was all happening again, in slow motion, because of her.

As he lit a cigarette he vividly remembered the exact moment when he discovered that she was a narc.

"Stupid Pucchiacha." He slurred, wiping his nose from the stray particles of freshly cut cocaine that he had just inhaled. How could the bitch do him in like that? “Wouldn't even do five years for me, cunt rag.”

Those beautiful, strong, feminine hands in her lap, bejeweled, long, Gucci nails tapping nervously as she explained the situation. He barely let her finish before he struck and strangled her. She barely fought, knowing that she deserved it. If she wanted to die by anyone, it was Camillo.

He pressed his palm to his head, willing himself to stop the memory, erase it from him. Erase her, though he knew that this was impossible. She was a part of him, an overpowering, beautiful and sickening part of him. He could not kill her. He had loved her, more than anything. He made particular pangs to never flirt in front of her and only have girls on the side on occasion. He wanted her in a way he never wanted anyone else. Fully and completely, body and soul. Well, he realized, leaning back into his uncomfortable chair. They've got her body, all right.

She wanted him, too. She wanted to leave the Mafia life behind and move away with him, somewhere where he could pick up his painting career without the pain and stress of being in his Family.

Adriana was going to be with him, going to take him with her.

In impulse he had called Tony, who arranged her death. The man to kill her had informed him of her hysterics, even before she discovered her own fate. She loved me...I loved her. But, no, this wasn't true. I love her. He still did and always did, no matter what she did.

though The Family wasn't worth his health, his soberness, she was. She was the one thing. The one thing that meant more than his own life, and she was dead.

Whoever says love ends well certainly needed to be whacked.

The housekeeper returned and reminded me of dinner. I extinguished my cigarette and slowly made my way to the dining hall.

“Ah, finally you join us my boy! Take a seat.”

Any tips for me as i continue onward with my story? They would be greatly appreciated
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