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Top Secret Researcher
#26 Old 22nd Jul 2012 at 1:37 AM
simbalena, so very true.

iCad you said you were quite extroverted and talkative, something tells me your daughter might be an introvert in reaction to that, lol. Your presence in itself possibly fills her social bar, which might be why she doesn't feel any need to seek more. My mother used to be way too talkative for me. She'd always seek to talk, talk, talk, and most of the time I didn't like it and have been quite an elusive teenager with it. I kept telling her to stop and she wouldn't be able to, and it created disagreements all the time. Now she's a bit older, and tires quickerly, so she's not anymore all over me and something's missing, lol. When all is calm and nothing happens I feel my apt's emptiness and it feels a bit lonely. :P

That being said I do love the silence most of the time. In general I am not a 'group' type of person, I rather like it alone or being two, and I like it better if the other person can be silent too.



As for check-out people in stores, I've found out sometimes it can be an easy mood-boost to talk to them a little. It can make a difference on a bad day. Most of them will usually be thankful if you're nice to them, most other customers are just impatient and grouchy about waiting in line.


.

I know I can't do it, but I'm still going to do it. - M. C. Escher
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Undead Molten Llama
#27 Old 22nd Jul 2012 at 2:41 AM
Quote: Originally posted by billielith

iCad you said you were quite extroverted and talkative, something tells me your daughter might be an introvert in reaction to that, lol.


She does tell me to shut up a lot. But then, what teenager doesn't?

No, seriously, I can "bridge the gap," so to speak. In a very real sense, I have sort of a split personality. I'm a performer, completely comfortable on a stage, with the pressure of performing well when a large number of people are staring at me. Talking to total strangers and people in the media doesn't intimidate me. That's the "public me." But then there's the "private me," the one who will sit and play with my pixels for hours on end without saying a single word to anyone. Home is where I decompress and don't have to put on a show, literally or figuratively. So, I'm pretty quiet when I'm in that mode. And I love it when I have the house completely to myself, which doesn't happen nearly often enough for my likings. So, I guess I swing both ways, so to speak, depending on the situation.

And I also tend to be sensitive to others as well, attuned to their facial expressions, body language and whatnot. It helps me to know when I'm being too overwhelming for a person. Perhaps this is because I was more introverted for much of my life, I don't know. But I'm good at "reading" such cues. And I'm just as annoyed by extroverts who can't do that and just won't shut the hell up!

Quote:
As for check-out people in stores, I've found out sometimes it can be an easy mood-boost to talk to them a little. It can make a difference on a bad day. Most of them will usually be thankful if you're nice to them, most other customers are just impatient and grouchy about waiting in line.


That's exactly my feeling. People in customer service positions have really crappy jobs where, much of the time, when people are talking to them at all, they're complaining about something or pointing out a mistake they made or whatever. So, I figure that a kind word and a brief, benign, "How's your day going?" kind of conversation that makes them smile might be a welcome relief and might help them to deal with all the people who just bitch at them.

I'm mostly found on (and mostly upload to) Tumblr these days because, alas, there are only 24 hours in a day.
Muh Simblr! | An index of my downloads on Tumblr.
Top Secret Researcher
#28 Old 22nd Jul 2012 at 3:51 AM
That's what's missing with the internet. You don't have the facial expression, no body language. I mean, often facial expressions or body language can be awkward or difficult to interpret but at least you got something. But on the internet or with just text, for example when someone becomes suddenly quiet, you can't tell if it's because they are multitasking, upset about something, are gone do something else, have connection trouble, etc, and it's difficult to understand anything they are going through as their real life because we don't see like 'see' any of it. Alot of people will deny anything is happening if they don't see proof of it, with people you just chat with, or text with, you can't see proof of much, so the whole life of the other person is blank outside of their words. Like 'not happening'. They don't feel real.

With pictures or webcam it's a little better, you get some facial expressions and body language, but there's still the barrier of the screen. You're still not breathing the same air, still not in presence of another person alive. It's like an interactive television. Close to real life, but the human presence is still not there with you in the same room. I think subconsciously we can't get satisfied like that. That's why online love relationships are so difficult. When everything's fine it's bearable, but the minute things start getting challenging and you need a hug from your loved one, your psyché will not get satisfied with just [hug] on a screen. You'll need something warm to hold, in the size and shape of the person who claims loving you at the other end, lol.

But then if online relationships are uncomplete, what's left for shy people who can't assume flirting? What do you do if, everytime someone smiles at you, or shows obvious romantic interest to you, you turn violet and just want to crawl into a hole until they go away (even if you'd be interested in them)?



.

I know I can't do it, but I'm still going to do it. - M. C. Escher
Test Subject
#29 Old 23rd Jul 2012 at 5:15 AM
I used to be a talkative child, but I have always been happy in solitude. I rarely have people over, because even if they're a best friend, I just find it so mentally exhausting to interact and be social with them in my home, which I guess my self views as my own little have from society. Lately, after dealing with depression and all kinds of lovely things like that, I've just kinda stopped being so talkative. I can't be bothered to talk to new people, but I enjoy just sitting and quietly thinking or watching people (you know, like people watching...I'm not a creeper) I don't feel like going to parties, since they're so tiring. I don't go out at night with my friends, since they all live in the country, but it doesn't bug me. I'm quite content to just sit in my room all day and draw, read, go on the computer or listen to music. People just annoy me as of late.
Field Researcher
#30 Old 23rd Jul 2012 at 9:27 AM
[QUOTE=iCad]No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. Anything that I said wasn't meant as criticism.

I wasn't addressing you - I was talking about the comments that shy and introverted people have to deal with in rl, as Coltraz mentioned.
Theorist
#31 Old 23rd Jul 2012 at 8:11 PM
I can completely relate. I've had people make references to my quietness all the time. Shyness is something I've never grown out of. My social awkwardness is downright embarrassing at times. I don't just have problems talking to strangers, but even acquaintances that I know, but not real well like coworkers and such. When I do have to talk to people, I mispronounce words and get all stuttery. Then I replay in my head what I just said, and I feel so embarrassed and stupid. Not just for how I said it, but sometimes even what I said. I just can't think when I'm talking to people, my mind goes blank, so I say stupid things. Even hours or days later, I keep playing back what stupid things I said, or the stupid way I said it, how I got a tongue-tied, whether the other person took it wrong, or what... and I just wish I had kept my mouth shut like I usually do.

Sometimes, I will make an effort. I have worked at the same place for 11-years, but don't hardly know any one of the 25 or so people I work with. Names and job are pretty much all I know of them. I typically stay holed up in my office all day, and only speak to others when I absolutely HAVE to, and prefer email if possible and I tend to keep it all about work. I don't have a personal relationship here with anyone at all, so I've decided I should try to appear more "normal" by being sociable. So this one woman near my age had a birthday and brought cookies to share. I thought I'd be nice and tell her "Happy birthday, thanks for bringing the cookies!" Being the awkward person that I am, I had to decided what I was going to say in advance. When it comes to speaking with people I don't know well, I always have to plan in advance what I'm going to say. Otherwise, I'm left with uncomfortable silence and stuttering/mispronouncing words when I do finally choke out a few things. If I plan and mentally rehearse, I can usually say it like a halfway normal person. So I finally get the nerve to go to her office, and, with my heart racing, I manage to successfully recite my pre-planned statement without a hitch. Then she says, "You're welcome, have you had one yet?" Oh damn, I hadn't anticipated that! Response needed, mind going blank, think fast! "Yes, they were good!" Perfectly normal spontaneous response, awesome! Then she says, "I like the M&M ones." Uh oh, didn't expect her to say that, another response needed! Crap. Mind. Went. Blank. So I just smiled, turned around, and left without a word. I got back to my office, and thought, "Oh great, a normal response to that might have been, 'I had a chocolate chip one, it was good'." But nooooo, I had to be all awkward and weird by just turning around and leaving abruptly. So then I regret even making an effort to be sociable. I should just stay quiet in my little office feeling happy and comfortable! That's just the most recent example, but this kind of thing happens regularly. I open my mouth, feel stupid, and wish I hadn't. It's sad, because I know I make a bigger deal out of it than the person I was talking to, but I can't help it. I just feel awkward and uncomfortable in conversations, and I feel like I can sense that my discomfort and awkwardness is making the other person feel uncomfortable and awkward, so they just avoid talking to me whenever possible as well.

I also hate Hate HAAAAATE talking on the phone. Even with people I'm close to that I can blab blab blab with all day long, on the phone feels... awkward. Maybe something about not being able to see the other person's face, I don't know. Maybe that's also the reason I hate drive-thrus, I never use them. I'd rather eat inside, because drive-thrus make me very nervous. I have to pre-plan and mentally rehearse my lines at the drive-thru, and if they didn't hear something or I have to say anything other than my pre-rehearsed speech, I get all tongue-tied and stuttery.

I'm not the type who hates being an introvert though. I'm quite fine with being the way I am. I'm happy not talking to people. I just don't have anything to say, and don't have anything in common with anyone around me, so there's not much to talk about. I do kind of envy my coworker/office neighbor who can instantly become anyone's best friend, it just seems so effortless for him. I have no idea how he does it.

I can, however, go on and on forever to strangers on some internet forum. I have no shyness whatsoever when it comes to typing stuff in a forum, too bad for you!

Resident wet blanket.
Lab Assistant
#32 Old 23rd Jul 2012 at 9:01 PM
Like most everyone that's posted here, I'm pretty quiet. I don't really have anything to say, and I get annoyed with people to the point that I don't want to talk. I've been this way since I was a kid, and just never tried to change. Only difference is no one asks me why I don't talk. They just assume I'm shy. In college everyone seemed to understand they could get me to talk if they approached me first, which got me out of my books more. Then the most common question was, "What book are you reading?"

I do have some friends, my closest ones being online. There are some people that I'll talk to in person, mostly at the store or the few I could tolerate from school. It probably helps that I live in a town where a random stranger will strike up a conversation while standing in line at the store or in a doctor's office. It just gets annoying when I'd like to read and they're interrupting me.
Top Secret Researcher
#33 Old 23rd Jul 2012 at 11:16 PM
@GnatGoSplat
I used to be shy on the phone too. Then at some point I worked in some place where I had to take 200+ orders a day on the phone, and didn't have time to hesitate about how sexy I sounded. I got over my phone shyness. Completely. For life. Now whoever I talk to, all I care is to be well understood and to understand them well. And it works. When you focus on clarity rather than 'sounding perfect', the awkwardness goes off.

I know I can't do it, but I'm still going to do it. - M. C. Escher
Test Subject
#34 Old 3rd Aug 2012 at 4:15 AM
I'm an introvert, more specifically an INFJ, so I've had that question thrown at me...god, I've already lost count of how many times! When I was a kid, and because I was bullied in school for about 8 years, I used to feel that it wasn't okay for me to be like that, like I needed to change. No wonder, since I was surrounded by extroverts whose main bullying argument was "so quiet ugh so timid such a weirdo she only hangs out with that other weird kid lol why don't you talk uh". So I went through this humiliating phase when I was 14 - my last year in school with my bullies - where I "became" a fake extrovert and everyone accepted me then...I feel like going back on time and throwing flying turds at 14!year old me, because I was obnoxious and loud and it was the worst phase ever...thank god I stopped trying to be what I'm not, or someone would have murdered me by now.

But over the past 2 years I've finally grown to accept myself, and cherish my introversion. I've realized that there's no "right" way to be - extroverted or introverted, it's only a difference in how your brain handles dopamine. Besides being an introvert, I'm also sometimes shy, but try not to let it get the best of me...but I'm even like that with my own parents!

The only thing that bothers me about my introversion is that I can't talk with guys - perhaps because I haven't had a male friend ever since I was 14?- , and I turned 19 less than a week ago. I can barely look them in the eyes, and forbid myself from being overly nice/talkative/interested when talking with one because my brain goes "no omg look away, don't show interest because they'll think you like them and are hitting on them, abort mission!!", and I can never find a subject with them. But I'm bad at making small talk with everyone anyway, because I loathe it and my brain stops working and I start thinking "wow what to say omg they must think I'm so boring right now, what to say what to say". So I'm okay with having around 3 friends...I'd die if I was forced to hang out with too many people aha.
Another thing is that I hate, hate, hate phone calls. I want to throw my phone out of the window every time it rings.
Top Secret Researcher
#35 Old 3rd Aug 2012 at 10:48 AM
I can't read the whole thread because all the introverts have so much to say

In my personal life I am quiet because I am an introvert who enjoys being alone, and I also have a lot of social anxiety so I am afraid to interact with others. Even when I go to an event with people and it goes really well every day after that I feel worse and worse about it. I never answer the phone unless I know who it is and what they want, and even then I usually won't answer it. I will never make a phone call for a personal reason, I do post on messageboards but won't use chat because it's too immediate and I want to be in control of how I respond. I guess I prefer not to interact when there is a chance I could freak out. It's similar to how I'm only afraid of heights because I have a fear that I might forget where I am and throw myself over the edge!

But at work I've learned to hide behind the job so I can speak confidently at meetings and answer/make calls as I'm representing the job rather than myself, I can do it because I'm the job and not me. Just recently I've been in a few serious situations that aren't quite work but aren't quite personal and I've been able to use the work attitude to get me through it. It proved to me that the theory of if you can't do it fake it and eventually you will be able to do it is actually true.
Instructor
#36 Old 7th Aug 2012 at 4:23 PM
I can talk to dogs just fine thank-you very much
Field Researcher
#37 Old 7th Aug 2012 at 5:02 PM
I'm introverted and people often mistake me for being a snob because I don't have a lot to say when I go out. I'm not snobby at all, I just don't know what to talk about and I'm shy.
Former Hamster
retired moderator
#38 Old 7th Aug 2012 at 5:44 PM
I've gone through a few stages in my life. Chatty, never shuts up child (one of my aunts used to call me "Gabby"); sullen, withdrawn teenager (more so than most sullen, withdrawn teenagers- but I had a good reason); and now that I'm older (and have resolved that "good reason") a fairly quiet adult who doesn't talk a lot, but can be counted on to say something if something needs to be said. That can be a bad thing- some people don't like to hear what needs to be said. It can also be a good thing. I don't just sit in silence, I pay attention to people and how they act and what they say. That, in turn, means that I usually have a better grasp of things that are going on and can be counted on to give an honest opinion on things. Although that is harder to do on the internet..

All that said: Why do I need to talk? No sullen, withdrawn teenagers here- they all don't know when to shut up, I usually can't get a word in edgewise! There's no reason for me to talk..but when I do, they usually listen. They do know that mom is a quiet person.. which is why they all get time alone with me, so we can talk about things going on in their lives.
Forum Resident
#39 Old 7th Aug 2012 at 6:38 PM
I tend to be quiet because other people talk too much, and speak too aggressively. I like intelligent conversation, not verbal wrestling matches.
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