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Fucking Awesome Nutbag
Original Poster
#1 Old 7th Jun 2011 at 6:37 PM
Default (The Catechized (The Sequel): The Interview with Damocles, Vol. III; The Damocles Chronicles: Particles IV)²
♥ WARNING ♥
An excessive amount of frogs were hurt during the making of this interview.
A forest was burnt down to make room for a new hospital.
Later, Lisa will be testing a new colorful toilet paper made by chameleon skin.
And we just saw a guy peeing in a dumpster. Es muy impresionante!
More amazing news after this. Now weather report with Andrew Stevens.



Good evening, puny peasants.

My name is Damocles. You may remember me from such educational films as "The Loch Ness Monster: Man or Myth or Monster?", "The Romanian Guide to the Handsomely" and who can forget the classic "Insanity, the Way to Invisibility".
Two and a half years ago I had the chance to interview Damocles. You may remember him from such educational films as "How to Use of That Small Brain of Yours", "Paul Revere: Hero... or Enemy? I'm Confused!" and who can forget the classic "Mammaries, & What to Do With Them".
I must say it was a interesting interview. It answered a lot of questions. Questions like, why no one wants to defile their hands by touching Damocles. And why he can't be seen amongst normal people, for fearing that it may ruin their lives - permanently. This is what we were allowed to publish. Enjoy.




Q. Ave, Damocles. I bow before you, for you are just that magnificent.
A. Cheers.

Q. Right... Alrighty then, let's start this interview before the zombies attack again. On to the first question. What was the funniest thing you have ever experienced?
A. Cancer.

Q. Sounds more serious than funny, Damocles. Would you care to elaborate?
A. Hmm... No. No, I don't.

Q. Right. Are all the rumours about you true?
A. The one with the llama and the jar of vaseline is only partially true. It was a camel.

Q. What's your thoughts on the terrible movie "Blind Side"?
A. Well, it's a feel-good movie, you know. I cried. I mean, what more is there to expect from Sandra Bullocks? You buy the flat soda pop and corndogs and just, you know, relax or whatever. Don't be all tense and serious all the time. It's not so good for your liver. Perhaps it was, well, it's been done so, so many times before, but not like this. Not like this, produced by a turtle. And the daughter in the movie, Lily Collins, is actually Phil Collins daughter. Can you believe that shit? A lovely lady came out of a fat, bald guy. That's fucking magic! If you haven't seen it yet - do it. Great entertainment for brainless people such as yourself.

Q. Wow. Just wow. You are indeed retarded, Damocles. You are sooo retarded... Do you have a favourite book by any chance, or are you also illiterate?
A. Thank you! Thank you so much. Yes. Yes I do, unfortunetely. It's the "Thank You Notes" by Fallon, Jimmy, the. The depth of this book - let me tell you man, is like... a pond, with all kinds of crazy shit floatin' around. Fucking mallards and shit. Furry beavers... And stupid dragons, crunching tigers...

Q. A pond?! That brings me to my next question. In your poems there is great deal of repeated imagery, the sea, a motherless lynx, Caesar, raven? Can you explain the symbolism?
A. Well, the sea is essentially whatever moves you. In my case it's my need for love, laughter, respect and even forgivness, maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure I believe in forgivness, yet. I mean, I'm still young, so... And the motherless lynx is essentially our creativity, we keep it safe in our inner child covered in warm blankets, that's obviously protective layers, altough very fragile. At least for me. The blankets are soaked in milk, even fire at times, meaning we use anger, humour, charisma and even sex, in order to protect our inner child from feeling threatened. It seems like a pretty self-destructive, vicious circle. Caesar is all things evil, our predesigned structure to life, our narrow ways of thinking. It can be anything, corrupt teachers, TV parents and the mainstream media guilty of scaremongering. I'm guilty of both, so... And do I really have to explain Death? Love and Death is like the two colossal things we all encounter at some point in life, know nothing of, but at the same time easiest to write about. It's more a consciousness...

Q. Are you... are you high right now?
A. Not that I know of.

Q. How do I pronounce your last name? Is it Gosling or Goslin or Twat?
A. Very funny.

Q. If there's a Heaven what would you like to hear God say at the Pearly Gates?
A. "Stroke my beard and see what happens."

Q. Do you have a favourite quote?
A. "Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."

Q. That's amusing. Who said that?
A. George W. Bush. I laughed for like six minutes when I first heard that. This video is also something quite special, We Sing Down Under. This is like so fucking funny to me, around 1:20-1:50, and I can't figure out why. I envy those who haven't seen it yet. I laughed for like twenty minutes when I first saw it...

Q. It's like one of those things, where you're not really sure why it's...
A. Precisely. It's stupid. Like, you know, "I'm sitting on a cock, cause I'm gay"...

Q. Have I told you, you have beautiful eyes?
A. ... Yeah.

Q. Damocles. I have a special guest with me today to ask you this following question.
A. Yeah?!
Q. Say hi to Robert De Niro!
A. Oh my God!
R. Hey Damocles.
A. Oh my God!
R. Damocles! Listen, I'd just like to say...
A. Holy shit, this is insane!
R. I'm a big, big fan of your work...
A. Turtle Cooties! TURTLE COOTIES!
R. ... I'd like to ask you something.
A. Ask me, Bobby. Ask me anything!
R. So I was wondering...
A. Yeeeesss...?
R. Next to me is the lovely Isabella Rossellini. You know her? She's also Italian-Swedish. She's in love with you, kid.
I. I love you, Damocles.
R. I was just wondering who's your favorite actor or actress?
A. Daniel Day-Lewis, no doubt.
Q. Alright! That's it for today. Any last thoughts that you would like to share, Damocles?
A. ... Yeah, it's so weird... For some strange reason, I just thought of Iraq, like just right now...
Q. That's odd...
A. ... spooky...

Q. Alright! Thanks everyone! And thank you for doing this Damocles. I know you are a busy man.
A. Look, it's my pleasure, Tim. As you might already know, I love to keep in touch with the poor commoners.

Q. Well said, well said. We all need to remember where we came from and where we parked our cars. I'm sure most of us struggled through life, smelling like shrimps and cheese. Except me and you, of course. You, who inherited massive amounts of gold and riches. You, who has slept next to just breathtaking women and travelled all around the world in extraordinary sports cars. You, who have sat down and exchanged words with the most awe-inspiring leaders of the world.
A. That's right, baby! Lovin' every single moment of destroying this planet. Shout out to all who wasted their time reading this moronic interview, brought to you by Pepsi Cola - "Bubbly". Thanks to all who bought my new collaboration album with the train wreck that is Britney Spears - "Terrible". All the cash went to our pockets. I mean, "Hooot pockets!", you know? Haahaahaaaa... I need a woman...


This interview was sponsored by Hot Pockets - "Diarrhea 2.0".
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Theorist
#2 Old 7th Jun 2011 at 6:41 PM
You win. Maybe there is no god, but you still can't prove it and you are still a pot smoking heathen.
Banned
#3 Old 7th Jun 2011 at 6:56 PM
I think mods should move it into the Debate Room.
Alchemist
#4 Old 7th Jun 2011 at 10:25 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Damocles
Q. Have I told you, you have beautiful eyes?


A.

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
world renowned whogivesafuckologist
retired moderator
#5 Old 7th Jun 2011 at 10:31 PM
I prefer the old Damocles. The funny Damocles. The current Damocles is trying too damned hard.

my simblr (sometimes nsfw)

“Dude, suckin’ at something is the first step to being sorta good at something.”
Panquecas, panquecas e mais panquecas.
Field Researcher
#6 Old 7th Jun 2011 at 10:33 PM
@Damocles and @SuicidiaParasidia: wtf?! O_o

I'm cooler than cool! I'm stupid!
Locked thread | Locked by: HystericalParoxysm Reason: What is this I don't even
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