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Top Secret Researcher
#26 Old 12th Jan 2012 at 8:36 PM
Quote: Originally posted by VerDeTerre
It's heart breaking because he broke his lover's heart and after he had seemed so committed by many indications.


It is very heartbreaking. I know what its like to break hearts, during...My weird phase -.- But then again, I did find out that the guy was dating said EVERY girl he dated broke his heart. Soooooooooooooo yeah. .

But I agree with you, that it is heartbreaking.

"Queen of the Damned seeks knight in shining piercings for pleasure, pain and purring"--Scary Mary from the Urbz: Sims In The City

"A Famous Explorer once said: 'The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.'"--Lara Croft from Tomb Raider 2013
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Alchemist
#27 Old 12th Jan 2012 at 9:38 PM
Quote: Originally posted by VerDeTerre
It's heart breaking because he broke his lover's heart and after he had seemed so committed by many indications.


But isn't it just another break-up story? That's what I'm trying to say, the fact that it's not so different. In the case in which he was bisexual. Though if he pretended he was 100% into guys and then he went "Guess what, I like women as well, or more, so I'll break up with you", then it is, indeed, kind of sad.

Evil doesn't worry about not being good. - The Warden, Dragon Age Origins
Mad Poster
#28 Old 12th Jan 2012 at 9:56 PM
That may have been it. I mean, you're right - it's mostly another break up story and as sad as all of those are. But I think you just nailed what makes it especially surprising and sad because he seemed to be oriented just towards men. Of course, no matter what his orientation is, it still comes down to leaving a lover and that always hurts.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Sesquipedalian Pisciform
retired moderator
#29 Old 12th Jan 2012 at 10:30 PM
hmmm, I am going to chime in here. It is really sad that he left his male lover and probably broke his heart, but the broken hearted one can be consoled by this:

There is none of the "What has HE got that I haven't got" that you might have with usual breakups. The leaver did not leave the broken-hearted one for another man who was handsomer/richer/wittier/whatever. He left him for a woman. Purely physical, out of the broken-hearted one's control. Small consolation, but consolation indeed. Yea, I speak from experience.

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Née whiterider
retired moderator
#30 Old 13th Jan 2012 at 6:58 PM
Yes, it is just another breakup - and, honestly, whenever a formerly happy marriage ends... that is heartbreaking.

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.
Field Researcher
#31 Old 13th Jan 2012 at 10:14 PM
Honestly, I think everyone is really bi-sexual. The real issue is whether he truly loves this woman or just finds her sexually pleasing. If it's just an issue of him falling out of love with his husband and falling in love with a woman, then they are valid to want to get married. However, if it really is that he is insecure about being gay(unlikely since he's been out since 14), then he needs to reexamine his feelings.

Overall, I feel bad for the guy. It sucks to have your other half fall out of love with you. I hope that all involved will be able to move on.
Theorist
#32 Old 14th Jan 2012 at 6:02 AM
Well if I'm bisexual it certainly hasn't shown up any yet, and time's a'tickin'. Maybe my mind is waiting till I hit 50 before I start yearning for gay sex and popping wood over dudes though. Might even be an improvement, considering the older I get the more I look at women and go "Nah, I'd rather watch The Mentalist tonight. Too much trouble to chat up."
Scholar
#33 Old 14th Jan 2012 at 6:39 AM
Quote: Originally posted by Mistermook
Might even be an improvement, considering the older I get the more I look at women and go "Nah, I'd rather watch The Mentalist tonight. Too much trouble to chat up."


Nah, that's an age thing. I'm about the same age as you, and feel the same way when I look at a guy.

Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid.
Field Researcher
#34 Old 17th Jan 2012 at 10:09 AM
Quote: Originally posted by iCad

If I have to label myself, I would stick the "heterosexual" label on me...but in reality I find women much more aesthetically attractive. In other words, I don't want to have sex with them (really, I don't want to have sex with anyone).

wouldn't that mean you're asexual tho?
Theorist
#35 Old 17th Jan 2012 at 10:17 AM
It really means that sex is complicated, personal, and people are going to self-identify however best gets them to sleep at night I think. Ultimately labels are fairly useless unless you're writing a paper on it. For the person living their lives identity crap is a lot weirder and more inventive than any word invented to describe what we each of us are.
Field Researcher
#36 Old 17th Jan 2012 at 12:25 PM
I want to chime in too.

Even though I think that sexuality is so complex that to put a label on it is ridiculous and that it is nobody's business but you and your partner's what you do in your bedroom.
I do think it is wrong for people who know they are gay, to marry someone of the opposite sex, if your wife or husband is unaware of your preference.

I realise that this was not the case in the OP

I have had two instances of this in my family, that led to very messy and painful divorces, which would have been completely unnecessary if the parties involved had been honest form the beginning.
Field Researcher
#37 Old 18th Jan 2012 at 8:42 AM
Quote: Originally posted by Mistermook
It really means that sex is complicated, personal, and people are going to self-identify however best gets them to sleep at night I think. Ultimately labels are fairly useless unless you're writing a paper on it. For the person living their lives identity crap is a lot weirder and more inventive than any word invented to describe what we each of us are.


you're right that sex can be complicated and personal but I wrote that last reply because I did research on asexuals once and the asexual website I found (it looked official too) said that asexuals have little to no sex drive
also I've watched some talk show segments with people who identify as asexual and they said the same thing.
since the person I replied to said they don't want to have sex with anyone one could conclude using this info that they're asexual.

I'm not saying that we have to have labels for everything...it was a just saying kind of thing if that makes any sense

also while we're on the subject of labels, I still don't really understand the difference between pansexual and bisexual
Theorist
#38 Old 18th Jan 2012 at 11:23 AM
They're spelled differently, for one.
Field Researcher
#39 Old 18th Jan 2012 at 4:12 PM
Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes (women and men). Pansexuals are "polisexuals", they are attracted to people of any sex and gender, this includes women, men, intersex people (transexuals for example) and people who don't identify themselves in any gender. I know how to explain this better in my own language, but I hope it is a bit understandable at least.

ETA: Wikipedia isn't open today due to SOPA protests, but have a link which explains it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality
Scholar
#40 Old 18th Jan 2012 at 4:46 PM
Gay men that marry women? Okay...well I think it's awesome if they breed and have kids. It doesn't seem fair that they don't pass on their genes to the next generation. And by genes I mean their good looks.

Why yes, I am indeed selfish and shallow. This also goes for the lesbians in the world. Once again, selfish and shallow. I've come to accept that.
Scholar
#41 Old 18th Jan 2012 at 8:15 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Drakesecaravdis
you're right that sex can be complicated and personal but I wrote that last reply because I did research on asexuals once and the asexual website I found (it looked official too) said that asexuals have little to no sex drive
also I've watched some talk show segments with people who identify as asexual and they said the same thing.
since the person I replied to said they don't want to have sex with anyone one could conclude using this info that they're asexual.

I'm not saying that we have to have labels for everything...it was a just saying kind of thing if that makes any sense

also while we're on the subject of labels, I still don't really understand the difference between pansexual and bisexual


In some people, there's a difference between attraction and sexual attraction. It's possible to find a person really attractive and to have a crush on him/her, but not want to have sex with him/her. I think this could be defined as whatever sexuality the person would otherwise qualify as, just without a sexual component.

To throw out a couple more terms that might apply, a person can be classified as romantic or aromantic. Romanticism is one's interest in having an intimate relationship with someone, without considering the sexual content of that relationship. A person can be a romantic asexual (which is something like what I described in the above paragraph), an aromantic asexual, a romantic ____sexual, or an aromantic ____sexual. But, as with anything, there is a spectrum of positions on romantic and sexual feeling. And these are not the only two variables in one's preferences as regards relationships. Though what a person defines him/herself as, so long as it isn't completely deluded, should generally be taken as the best description of that person's sexuality.
Mad Poster
#42 Old 18th Jan 2012 at 11:35 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Oaktree
To throw out a couple more terms that might apply, a person can be classified as romantic or aromantic.


Aromantic - that's how to describe Pepe le Pew. Quelle odeur!

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Field Researcher
#43 Old 19th Jan 2012 at 9:58 AM
Why not? If a heterosexual can one day think he's gay. Why can't a homosexual one day realize, he's heterosexual? And who put up the barrier anyway to say a homosexual can't fall in love with the opposite sex? If a heterosexual can fall in love with the same sex, then why can't a homosexual fall in love with the opposite sex? It's simple math.
Undead Molten Llama
#44 Old 19th Jan 2012 at 10:27 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Drakesecaravdis
you're right that sex can be complicated and personal but I wrote that last reply because I did research on asexuals once and the asexual website I found (it looked official too) said that asexuals have little to no sex drive
also I've watched some talk show segments with people who identify as asexual and they said the same thing.
since the person I replied to said they don't want to have sex with anyone one could conclude using this info that they're asexual.


Well, if you MUST know, it's not that I don't have drive. (Believe me, as a woman in her 40s, I have PLENTY of drive. What's that? TMI? Ain't no such thang. ) It's just that I have moral compunctions about the issue, being an odd divorced person who believes that divorce is wrong. But that's a whooooooooooooole other story.

But what Mistermook said is quite right. Labels are, in general, generalizations. They're words that we use to make it easier for others to understand who and what we are. But they certainly don't tell the whole story. For instance, another label I can apply to myself is "Christian"...but as you can perhaps tell, my views do not generally align with the views of the person whose image is generally evoked by the mention of that word. Just like "heterosexual" doesn't completely fit to me, either. But neither does "bisexual," really.

The issue is complex where labels are simple. Simple labels cannot entirely describe an issue that is obviously very complex, perhaps more complex than we realize. I personally think of sexuality as a continuum. I also believe that where any given person is on that continuum can at any given time change...or not. It all depends on the person and, I think, on the things that happen to them in their lifetime.

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Field Researcher
#45 Old 22nd Jan 2012 at 9:02 AM
Quote: Originally posted by pinketamine
Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes (women and men). Pansexuals are "polisexuals", they are attracted to people of any sex and gender, this includes women, men, intersex people (transexuals for example) and people who don't identify themselves in any gender. I know how to explain this better in my own language, but I hope it is a bit understandable at least.

ETA: Wikipedia isn't open today due to SOPA protests, but have a link which explains it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality


you explained it perfectly

Quote: Originally posted by iCad
Well, if you MUST know, it's not that I don't have drive. (Believe me, as a woman in her 40s, I have PLENTY of drive. What's that? TMI? Ain't no such thang. ) It's just that I have moral compunctions about the issue, being an odd divorced person who believes that divorce is wrong. But that's a whooooooooooooole other story.

oh I see
Quote: Originally posted by iCad
But what Mistermook said is quite right. Labels are, in general, generalizations. They're words that we use to make it easier for others to understand who and what we are. But they certainly don't tell the whole story. For instance, another label I can apply to myself is "Christian"...but as you can perhaps tell, my views do not generally align with the views of the person whose image is generally evoked by the mention of that word. Just like "heterosexual" doesn't completely fit to me, either. But neither does "bisexual," really.

true, though Christianity is easy to stereotype so it could very likely not align.

Quote: Originally posted by iCad
The issue is complex where labels are simple. Simple labels cannot entirely describe an issue that is obviously very complex, perhaps more complex than we realize. I personally think of sexuality as a continuum. I also believe that where any given person is on that continuum can at any given time change...or not. It all depends on the person and, I think, on the things that happen to them in their lifetime



so does that mean I'm not necessarily bisexual since I'm boy crazy but I'm not hetero either since I like a few girls?
why do you think it's a continuum or that it would change tho? I know you say it has to do with things in their lifetime too but it's not like they never liked the people at all. is this a difficult question to answer?
Née whiterider
retired moderator
#46 Old 22nd Jan 2012 at 11:04 AM
Quote: Originally posted by pinketamine
Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes (women and men). Pansexuals are "polisexuals", they are attracted to people of any sex and gender, this includes women, men, intersex people (transexuals for example) and people who don't identify themselves in any gender. I know how to explain this better in my own language, but I hope it is a bit understandable at least.

ETA: Wikipedia isn't open today due to SOPA protests, but have a link which explains it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality
This does a great job of demonstrating why labels, especially regarding sex and sexuality, well and truly fail to create a rational system within which we all fit: I've considered myself bisexual since I was 15, and still do; but the relationship prior to the one I'm currently in was with a transsexual woman in the very, very early stages of transitioning.

It's possible that I don't consider myself pansexual primarily because of the association with Jack Harkness, mind.

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.
Instructor
#47 Old 23rd Jan 2012 at 10:28 AM
You just had to mention Jack Harkness.

*swoons*

*recovers sanity with proper application of smelling salts*

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure if I consider myself bisexual, pansexual, or heterosexual. Bisexual as I have found myself attracted to both men and women. Pansexual as I'm not completely adverse to the idea of having a relationship with a transgender person (mtf and ftm equally fine) but I'm not sure if I'd still sexually want them post op. I do not want to be shallow in any way but I have my reservations about that. Heterosexual because I've only had sexual relations with the opposite sex.
Ms. Byte (Deceased)
#48 Old 27th Jan 2012 at 12:19 AM
Mmmm, Jack Harkness...

Anyway - I find that story sad in the same way I'd be saddened by anyone leaving their spouse or long-term SO for someone new. What I find especially disturbing is the comment that the guy had sex with a woman and found it 'somewhat enjoyable'. To me this is not a description of a man in love, whether he's gay, bi, straight, or whatever. Frankly it sounds more like a guy realizing sex with women isn't repellant and there are benefits to living the straight life in our society. A lot of gay people are completely capable of enjoying sex with the opposite gender, but that doesn't mean they're going to fall in love or be happy in an opposite-sex relationship in the long run. I just hope he doesn't change his mind again and hurt this woman too.
Lab Assistant
#49 Old 2nd Feb 2012 at 7:18 PM
Is he truly gay or is he bisexual?


I know a couple guys that are with women for show and sneak behind the woman's back to be with his man. I find it distasteful is every possible way because I don't think you should just use someone as a means to hide your true self from the world out of fear of being negatively judged-and that's woman or man.
Also, because your with a woman or man doesn't mean you aren't a homosexual...it means you're either confused or just mislead into believing that there is something wrong with you.

Been downloading like crazy...so many great creators here! Neglecting forums...will be back soon...ish.
Lab Assistant
#50 Old 5th Feb 2012 at 3:19 AM
I think sexuality is much more of a fluid thing than we make it out to be. Perhaps like others have said--maybe he never got the chance to experiment with other girls. Or maybe he's bisexual and at that time was leaning towards men? I don't know, like I said, sexuality is definitely a fluid thing.

What really disturbs me though is that, like someone else pointed out, the man found the sex "somewhat enjoyable". I mean, to me... leaving your long term partner for someone who you had okay sex with isn't, well, IDK. It's not my cup of tea, but.

Also, I don't think the family is right into thinking that he's "back in the closet". It's entirely possible that he is a closeted bisexual (though obv. out of the closet now) or he had an attraction to women and just didn't tell his husband.

You know that place between sleep and awake? The place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
 
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