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#276
12th Sep 2014 at 2:57 PM
Posts: 174
Thanks: 615 in 3 Posts
Story Title: Say Something
Genre: Romance
Synopsis & Recap: the family finds out Ophelia is alive, let the drama commence.
Word2,991/Picture 30
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genre: Romance
Synopsis & Recap: the family finds out Ophelia is alive, let the drama commence.
Word2,991/Picture 30
1918
It was night and snowing and in London on Christmas Eve, the family was spending Christmas at the house of George and Juliet.
The five trudged through the snow in front of the darken houses, almost everyone on the street were in slumber.
Out of breath they finally reached the steps and forced themselves to climb and Wilson knocked on the door.
“Honey what has taken you guys so long?” Juliet asked.
“I’m sorry we’re late but the train got stuck in a snow drift and we had to wait two hours, and the taxi broke down so we had to walk, but never mind we are here now,” Wilson explained.
“Just glad you made it,” Juliet hugged him; the footman took their hats and coats.
“What have you done?! Juliet your hair!” The duchess exclaimed.
“It’s the new style, from Paris”
“It’s vulgar!”
“Ugh mother, with all things women are left to do during the war it was unnecessary to have hair as big as Buda.”
“Juliet…..”
“Are you really going to ruin Christmas arguing over fashion?” Wilson interrupted.
Colin rolled his eyes and shook his head as he entered, “I think Juliet looks great,” he commented.
“Oh you younger generation and your risqué ideas,” the duchess said, “let’s go into the parlor.”
“I see you are completely out of mourning,” Juliet said to Colin.
“Yes well I still mourn at times but I have moved on.”
“Maybe another woman might come into the mix,” she teased.
“You’re starting to sound dad, I will find someone else but she’ll never be Ophelia.”
“I know.”
“Are we talking about a lady for Colin over here?” the duke walked over a bit excitedly.”
“Sigh, yes dad we are talking about it, when I’m ready I will find someone,” Colin was annoyed.
“Ok, ok, I’ll drop it, for now.”
“I’m sorry for bringing it up,” Juliet apologized.
“It’s ok,” Colin forgave.
“Colin, I have to tell you, I know Ophelia loved you, she told me and I thought she was going to tell you but obviously, anyway I wanted to let her tell you.”
“I understand, it was up to her to tell me and changed her mind about everything when I told her.”
“Merry Christmas of 1918!” Wilson said the next morning and they all started with their gifts.
“My lady may I interrupt?” Tina asked.
“No its fine go ahead,” the duchess replied.
“First I just wanted to thank you for the gift and I also was wondering if I could take a few hours off tomorrow?”
“Alright, this is a vacation for you as much as us,” the duchess agreed.
Tina thanked her and left, sighing with relief she hopped down the stairs to the servant’s dining room and over to the telephone, the other staff was busy so they didn’t pay attention to her sneakiness.
“Hello operator? May I be connected to number 2051? Thank you,” she waited, “Hi it’s me, her ladyship let me off tomorrow for a few hours, there’s a tea shop around the corner meet me there at two, ok see you then, bye.”
The next afternoon, on the street people stared at Juliet’s new hair, the men acted scandalized but the woman liked it.
“I told you your hair is too trashy,” the duchess scolded, she tried to hide her face some.
Juliet purposely didn’t wear a hat to show off.
“Women need to be seen with hair like this to make it acceptable.”
“Let’s cross the street it’s not so crowded over there,” the duchess hurried, Wilson tried to keep up and Juliet stood there refusing, Colin however paid no attention and kept going because he saw her on the corner, she was wearing a simple suit and she had bobbed her hair as well.
“Colin?” Juliet asked but he didn’t answer.
He continued down the walk going faster with each step.
“Ophelia!” he called, getting to where she was, in the middle of the intersection he looked around in panic but she was gone.
“Am I going mad?” he asked himself aloud.
“Colin! What are doing?” Wilson grabbed and pulled him to the sidewalk.
Colin didn’t realize there were cars honking at him every which way.
“Sweetie are you alright?” his mother asked.
“Yes I’m fine I just….thought I saw Ophelia.”
“Oh honey,” Juliet hugged him.
“Colin!” a voice carried from across the street.
Full of excitement he turned only to see Catherine.
“I saw that scene, is everything ok?”
“Everything is fine he just had a grieving moment,” the duchess confided.
“Oh.”
Colin and Catherine made eye contact; it seemed more than looking at a old friend at least for her anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They started spending more time together, he accompanied her to lunch and she came to spend New Year’s with them, they were really hitting it off, as time went on the idea of them being a couple kind of grew on Colin.
Tina was helping clean in the parlor; they were taking down the curtains to wash them and scrub the hard wood floor, Catherine was visiting to have tea with the duchess.
“Tina, I need to tell Colin what time we are going to the opera and I don’t know where he is, his mother hasn’t see him either.”
“He’s in the smoking room with his lordship, I could tell him,” Tina said getting up off her knees, she was a bit devious.
“Oh would you, such a dear,” Catherine gave her one simple pat on the shoulder, “tomorrow evening at 7 o’clock.”
“I go tell him right now,” Tina replied.
She put down the brush in the water bucket and dried her hands on her apron and headed to the smoking room, first she listened to what they were saying.
“So you’ve been seeing Catherine a lot this past month, possibly something there?” The duke asked.
“She still have feelings for me and she would make a good wife I think I could marry her.”
“Really, that’s good.”
“You’ve been after me to marry again and to marry Catherine for a long time; nothing is official at the moment.”
“You made it this far I can wait a little longer, after all tomorrow is another day.”
Tina knocked on the ajar door and cleared her throat.
“I’m sorry to interrupt sir, Lady Montague says your opera date tomorrow is at…four pm.”
Tina was a good liar.
“But at four, mother has me at Selfridges for a new suit fitting.”
“That’s the time she told me sir, I’m sorry.”
“I’ll go tell her I can’t go, excuse me.”
He walked into the tea room; Catherine was sitting there waiting for the duchess, she got up and kissed him on the cheek.
“Colin did Tina tell you?” Catherine asked.
“Yes and I’m afraid I can’t go.”
“Oh, why?”
“I have a fitting then.”
“At that time?”
“I’m sorry.”
They sat down.
“We can a have a rain check.”
They looked at each other, after a moment he slowly leaned in.
“Her lady ship will be right down!” Tina yelled bursting in on their almost kiss, the two jumped.
“Tina, what is the yelling about?” the duchess appeared; Tina tried to think up an answer, things became awkward. “Oh, did we walk in on something?” She was a bit pleased.
“No mother,” Colin stood.
“Colin why don’t you stay and have tea with us,” the duchess suggested.
“Alright, Catherine let’s go out to dinner tomorrow instead,” Colin said.
“I should get back to the parlor,” Tina excused herself quickly.
“Good idea,” Catherine agreed.
“Instead of what?” the duchess asked.
“The opera time conflicted with my fitting.”
“Oh well dinner is more intimate, if you know what I mean,” the duchess was coy.
“Yes mother I know,” Colin rolled his eyes.
All the next day Tina made up one tale after another to keep them from going out; she pretended the weather forecast said it will show a lot again, she even tried hiding Colin’s dress shirt, but nothing worked, everyone thought she was going crazy.
“Tina, I don’t know what is going on with you but if you keep stepping out of your place as servant then I will have to let you go,” the duke scolded.
“Yes sir, I’m sorry it won’t happen again,” Tina was nervous.
“You may go,” he said softly, she rushed out.
Grayson, don’t you think a bit hard in her?” the duchess asked
“Martha, she’s a maid, she has no input in who someone in the family marries.”
“Tina is almost family; she’s been with us since she was seventeen.”
“But she is still a servant.”
“Well whatever her reason is for getting in the middle I hope it is a good one.”
Colin and Catherine were in a beautiful restaurant discussing Tina themselves.
“I don’t think Tina likes me,” Catherine asked.
“I don’t think that’s it, thank you waiter,” Colin said, the waiter brought the next course.
“How about we forget it and concentrate on us,” she winked.
“That is a good idea,” he said taking her hand, “Catherine, you have loved me for a long time and I’ll never feel that way about you but even though I’m still young I feel pressured by my parents to marry again soon, and who better than someone who does love me, I don’t have a ring but would you marry me?”
“I rather can’t believe it but yes, I will.”
Back at home Juliet and Wilson were playing go fish, and he was winning to her annoyance.
“Ethel, which number should we pick?” he asked.
“Do you have any nines?” Ethel asked her mother.
“You’ve turned my own daughter against me,” she replied, “Sigh, I have three nines,” she handed them, “unbelievable.”
Wilson laughed.
As they played Colin and Catherine came back with their news.
“Hi, I thought you going to be out later than this,” Juliet said.
“Where are mother, father and George? We have news,”
“I’ll get them,” Wilson got up, “don’t look at my cards.”
“Don’t worry I won’t.” Juliet smirked.
“And bring Tina,” Catherine called, “She needs to hear this too.”
They came in with curiously for what this could be.
“Everyone, we are getting married,” Colin announced with enthusiasm.
“No!!” Tina screamed.
“That is it, Tina you are fired!” the duke snapped.
“Fine my lord, fire me but right now I have to break the line between upstairs and downstairs, you can’t get married!”
“Tina I don’t what I did to make you not like me,” Catherine said.
“It’s not that, I like you very much but.”
“Then why are you doing this?” Colin asked
“Because…..Ophelia is alive!”
The room was silent.
“What?” Colin asked.
“Tina, after the eight years you’ve been with us I’ve never known you to be so cruel,” the duchess said.
“But it’s true; I’ve lied for three years, after we were rescued I did look for Ophelia and I found her, she hit her head and couldn’t remember herself but I reminded her who she was and as the swelling went down it came back to her, she decided to just pretend she was dead to let you be free sir, I’ve been trying to convince her to confess but she won’t, that’s what my personal business was I went to see her.”
“Tina, go pack you are leaving right now,” the duke yelled.”
“No, it wasn’t her fault!” Juliet burst out standing between them, “about a month after the sinking she came to me with the truth, she wanted to tell but I told her not to.”
“You know too?” Colin asked.
They all looked at Wilson, they knew it was a possibly he was involved since he and Juliet were usually in cahoots.
“I suppose you know too?” Colin asked with no doubt.
“I overheard them talking about it, see Juliet I can keep a secret,” he glared at her.
“I can’t believe it!” Colin burst out, “I just can’t,” he pushed past everyone and ran up stairs, they tried to talk to him but he didn’t answer.
“So I suppose the wedding is off,” Catherine said.
“Honestly Catherine,” Juliet shook her head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colin rushed back home the next morning, his heart was broken all over again, he didn’t want to see Ophelia knowing it was her idea from the start, she gave up on him instead of swallowing her pride and telling him he was the one she loved.
Tina walked into the shop and scanned the tables; Ophelia sat there looking at her.
“Hi,” Tina said sitting down.
“What happened now? You were so desperate on the phone.”
“Colin knows.”
“Oh no who told? Wilson?”
“No me.”
“Ugh, Tina why?”
“He was going to marry Catherine to satisfy his lordship.”
“Oh of course, how did Colin take it that I was alive?”
“He sobbed and refused to speak to anyone, he went back to the manor.”
“I’m such an idiot.”
“Do you still love him?”
“Yes.”
“Then, quit your position as parlor maid and come home with us, we leave tomorrow,” she took Ophelia’s hand in comfort.
“Ok.”
They walked up the steps of Juliet’s house; the last time she was there was when she met Colin, that felt like a century ago.
“Look whose here,” Tina announced as they walked in the parlor, they all looked at her not knowing how to react, should they be happy to see her? Or angry?
The duchess reacted first, she came to hug her.
“I’m so sorry,” Ophelia hugged back, “I made huge mistakes.”
“Everyone does sweetie, everyone does,” the duchess encouraged.
Wilson came to her second and hugged her.
“Welcome back,” the duke smiled. “Tina, I’d like to give you my apologies, you were trying to protect Colin and Ophelia, thank you and I hope you would like to stay on?”
“I’d like to yes, as my lady’s personal maid.”
“Of course Tina,” Ophelia smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The car pulled into the long drive, hitting puddles as it rained.
“I remember it being bigger,” Ophelia exclaimed gazing at the front of the manor.
“You haven’t been here a long time,” Juliet reminded her.
They went inside; Ophelia wondered the halls memories returning,
She remembered yelling at Colin as she thought he was having an affair with her,
The painful memory of Romeo’s slobbery kiss as she passed the museum,
And finally the ball room where the whole mess started with her wild imagination.
“Are you ok?” Juliet asked.
“I should have told Romeo no when he asked me to dance.”
“I knew it wasn’t a good idea but you’re more stubborn as a mule,” she half smiled.
“Can I talk to her alone, Juliet?” Colin asked as he entered.
“Of course,” Juliet left the room.
They locked eyes the whole time.
“You came here to talk to me?”
“I came here to tell you I made a huge mistake, all we did was fight then you tell me you loved me and by then I wasn’t sure if I loved you back.”
“I know there was nothing between you and Romeo.”
“He told me onboard ship, I was planning to tell you the day I got back but when the ship sank I thought it would easier if I pretended to be dead, and when I realized it was a mistake I knew it would hurt you if I came back.”
“Was it you I saw on the street?”
“Yes, I hid when I saw you coming to me, I was on my way to see Tina, she convinced me to tell you but I saw you with Catherine I changed my mind and she got it in her head to keep you apart.”
“This whole thing was mistake, I made bad decisions, I don’t expect us to go back the way it was before.”
“Ssshhh,” he took her in his arms as if they were dancing, “It’s July 1914.”
“What?” she asked through tears.
They were waltzing around room now.
“You’re wearing a blue dress.”
“You remember what I was wearing.”
“Of course, you were radiant, everything is perfect, to each other we are the only ones here, I take a huge risk leaning in because I don’t know you feel the same, and I press my lips to yours.”
After all this time they finally kiss passionately, just as it should have been.
“It’s about time,” Wilson whispered, he and Juliet were watching.
“You got that right,” Juliet replied, “Let’s give them privacy.”
Colin and Ophelia couldn’t take it, they wanted more he picked her up and took her up stairs, she removed his shirt and they kissed on the bed.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.”
Their lips met again.
“Let’s get married again,” she requested with her head on his chest.
“That’s a good Idea.”
“Next week!” She looked into his eyes.
“Ok,” He laughed.
“I’m serious; January 20th 1919 will be our new real anniversary.”
“Then it will be.”
They kissed again.
“So what do you think of Margaret for a girl and Edward for a boy,” Ophelia said.
It was summer 1924; they were walking through the park.
“There perfect names because you picked them out,” Colin said before kissing her.
Everything was perfect; they had a son and another baby on the way, what could be better? Never take anything for granted, life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
But, little did they know, they were being stalked, she watched them from the bushes.
“Stupid American slut, she just had to come back ruining everything,” Catherine muttered, she took another drink of whisky straight from the bottle, “I should be married to Colin, the mother of that boy and knocked up again, then I wouldn’t be dirt poor working the streets, she’s going to wish she was still dead.”
It was night and snowing and in London on Christmas Eve, the family was spending Christmas at the house of George and Juliet.
The five trudged through the snow in front of the darken houses, almost everyone on the street were in slumber.
Out of breath they finally reached the steps and forced themselves to climb and Wilson knocked on the door.
“Honey what has taken you guys so long?” Juliet asked.
“I’m sorry we’re late but the train got stuck in a snow drift and we had to wait two hours, and the taxi broke down so we had to walk, but never mind we are here now,” Wilson explained.
“Just glad you made it,” Juliet hugged him; the footman took their hats and coats.
“What have you done?! Juliet your hair!” The duchess exclaimed.
“It’s the new style, from Paris”
“It’s vulgar!”
“Ugh mother, with all things women are left to do during the war it was unnecessary to have hair as big as Buda.”
“Juliet…..”
“Are you really going to ruin Christmas arguing over fashion?” Wilson interrupted.
Colin rolled his eyes and shook his head as he entered, “I think Juliet looks great,” he commented.
“Oh you younger generation and your risqué ideas,” the duchess said, “let’s go into the parlor.”
“I see you are completely out of mourning,” Juliet said to Colin.
“Yes well I still mourn at times but I have moved on.”
“Maybe another woman might come into the mix,” she teased.
“You’re starting to sound dad, I will find someone else but she’ll never be Ophelia.”
“I know.”
“Are we talking about a lady for Colin over here?” the duke walked over a bit excitedly.”
“Sigh, yes dad we are talking about it, when I’m ready I will find someone,” Colin was annoyed.
“Ok, ok, I’ll drop it, for now.”
“I’m sorry for bringing it up,” Juliet apologized.
“It’s ok,” Colin forgave.
“Colin, I have to tell you, I know Ophelia loved you, she told me and I thought she was going to tell you but obviously, anyway I wanted to let her tell you.”
“I understand, it was up to her to tell me and changed her mind about everything when I told her.”
“Merry Christmas of 1918!” Wilson said the next morning and they all started with their gifts.
“My lady may I interrupt?” Tina asked.
“No its fine go ahead,” the duchess replied.
“First I just wanted to thank you for the gift and I also was wondering if I could take a few hours off tomorrow?”
“Alright, this is a vacation for you as much as us,” the duchess agreed.
Tina thanked her and left, sighing with relief she hopped down the stairs to the servant’s dining room and over to the telephone, the other staff was busy so they didn’t pay attention to her sneakiness.
“Hello operator? May I be connected to number 2051? Thank you,” she waited, “Hi it’s me, her ladyship let me off tomorrow for a few hours, there’s a tea shop around the corner meet me there at two, ok see you then, bye.”
The next afternoon, on the street people stared at Juliet’s new hair, the men acted scandalized but the woman liked it.
“I told you your hair is too trashy,” the duchess scolded, she tried to hide her face some.
Juliet purposely didn’t wear a hat to show off.
“Women need to be seen with hair like this to make it acceptable.”
“Let’s cross the street it’s not so crowded over there,” the duchess hurried, Wilson tried to keep up and Juliet stood there refusing, Colin however paid no attention and kept going because he saw her on the corner, she was wearing a simple suit and she had bobbed her hair as well.
“Colin?” Juliet asked but he didn’t answer.
He continued down the walk going faster with each step.
“Ophelia!” he called, getting to where she was, in the middle of the intersection he looked around in panic but she was gone.
“Am I going mad?” he asked himself aloud.
“Colin! What are doing?” Wilson grabbed and pulled him to the sidewalk.
Colin didn’t realize there were cars honking at him every which way.
“Sweetie are you alright?” his mother asked.
“Yes I’m fine I just….thought I saw Ophelia.”
“Oh honey,” Juliet hugged him.
“Colin!” a voice carried from across the street.
Full of excitement he turned only to see Catherine.
“I saw that scene, is everything ok?”
“Everything is fine he just had a grieving moment,” the duchess confided.
“Oh.”
Colin and Catherine made eye contact; it seemed more than looking at a old friend at least for her anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They started spending more time together, he accompanied her to lunch and she came to spend New Year’s with them, they were really hitting it off, as time went on the idea of them being a couple kind of grew on Colin.
Tina was helping clean in the parlor; they were taking down the curtains to wash them and scrub the hard wood floor, Catherine was visiting to have tea with the duchess.
“Tina, I need to tell Colin what time we are going to the opera and I don’t know where he is, his mother hasn’t see him either.”
“He’s in the smoking room with his lordship, I could tell him,” Tina said getting up off her knees, she was a bit devious.
“Oh would you, such a dear,” Catherine gave her one simple pat on the shoulder, “tomorrow evening at 7 o’clock.”
“I go tell him right now,” Tina replied.
She put down the brush in the water bucket and dried her hands on her apron and headed to the smoking room, first she listened to what they were saying.
“So you’ve been seeing Catherine a lot this past month, possibly something there?” The duke asked.
“She still have feelings for me and she would make a good wife I think I could marry her.”
“Really, that’s good.”
“You’ve been after me to marry again and to marry Catherine for a long time; nothing is official at the moment.”
“You made it this far I can wait a little longer, after all tomorrow is another day.”
Tina knocked on the ajar door and cleared her throat.
“I’m sorry to interrupt sir, Lady Montague says your opera date tomorrow is at…four pm.”
Tina was a good liar.
“But at four, mother has me at Selfridges for a new suit fitting.”
“That’s the time she told me sir, I’m sorry.”
“I’ll go tell her I can’t go, excuse me.”
He walked into the tea room; Catherine was sitting there waiting for the duchess, she got up and kissed him on the cheek.
“Colin did Tina tell you?” Catherine asked.
“Yes and I’m afraid I can’t go.”
“Oh, why?”
“I have a fitting then.”
“At that time?”
“I’m sorry.”
They sat down.
“We can a have a rain check.”
They looked at each other, after a moment he slowly leaned in.
“Her lady ship will be right down!” Tina yelled bursting in on their almost kiss, the two jumped.
“Tina, what is the yelling about?” the duchess appeared; Tina tried to think up an answer, things became awkward. “Oh, did we walk in on something?” She was a bit pleased.
“No mother,” Colin stood.
“Colin why don’t you stay and have tea with us,” the duchess suggested.
“Alright, Catherine let’s go out to dinner tomorrow instead,” Colin said.
“I should get back to the parlor,” Tina excused herself quickly.
“Good idea,” Catherine agreed.
“Instead of what?” the duchess asked.
“The opera time conflicted with my fitting.”
“Oh well dinner is more intimate, if you know what I mean,” the duchess was coy.
“Yes mother I know,” Colin rolled his eyes.
All the next day Tina made up one tale after another to keep them from going out; she pretended the weather forecast said it will show a lot again, she even tried hiding Colin’s dress shirt, but nothing worked, everyone thought she was going crazy.
“Tina, I don’t know what is going on with you but if you keep stepping out of your place as servant then I will have to let you go,” the duke scolded.
“Yes sir, I’m sorry it won’t happen again,” Tina was nervous.
“You may go,” he said softly, she rushed out.
Grayson, don’t you think a bit hard in her?” the duchess asked
“Martha, she’s a maid, she has no input in who someone in the family marries.”
“Tina is almost family; she’s been with us since she was seventeen.”
“But she is still a servant.”
“Well whatever her reason is for getting in the middle I hope it is a good one.”
Colin and Catherine were in a beautiful restaurant discussing Tina themselves.
“I don’t think Tina likes me,” Catherine asked.
“I don’t think that’s it, thank you waiter,” Colin said, the waiter brought the next course.
“How about we forget it and concentrate on us,” she winked.
“That is a good idea,” he said taking her hand, “Catherine, you have loved me for a long time and I’ll never feel that way about you but even though I’m still young I feel pressured by my parents to marry again soon, and who better than someone who does love me, I don’t have a ring but would you marry me?”
“I rather can’t believe it but yes, I will.”
Back at home Juliet and Wilson were playing go fish, and he was winning to her annoyance.
“Ethel, which number should we pick?” he asked.
“Do you have any nines?” Ethel asked her mother.
“You’ve turned my own daughter against me,” she replied, “Sigh, I have three nines,” she handed them, “unbelievable.”
Wilson laughed.
As they played Colin and Catherine came back with their news.
“Hi, I thought you going to be out later than this,” Juliet said.
“Where are mother, father and George? We have news,”
“I’ll get them,” Wilson got up, “don’t look at my cards.”
“Don’t worry I won’t.” Juliet smirked.
“And bring Tina,” Catherine called, “She needs to hear this too.”
They came in with curiously for what this could be.
“Everyone, we are getting married,” Colin announced with enthusiasm.
“No!!” Tina screamed.
“That is it, Tina you are fired!” the duke snapped.
“Fine my lord, fire me but right now I have to break the line between upstairs and downstairs, you can’t get married!”
“Tina I don’t what I did to make you not like me,” Catherine said.
“It’s not that, I like you very much but.”
“Then why are you doing this?” Colin asked
“Because…..Ophelia is alive!”
The room was silent.
“What?” Colin asked.
“Tina, after the eight years you’ve been with us I’ve never known you to be so cruel,” the duchess said.
“But it’s true; I’ve lied for three years, after we were rescued I did look for Ophelia and I found her, she hit her head and couldn’t remember herself but I reminded her who she was and as the swelling went down it came back to her, she decided to just pretend she was dead to let you be free sir, I’ve been trying to convince her to confess but she won’t, that’s what my personal business was I went to see her.”
“Tina, go pack you are leaving right now,” the duke yelled.”
“No, it wasn’t her fault!” Juliet burst out standing between them, “about a month after the sinking she came to me with the truth, she wanted to tell but I told her not to.”
“You know too?” Colin asked.
They all looked at Wilson, they knew it was a possibly he was involved since he and Juliet were usually in cahoots.
“I suppose you know too?” Colin asked with no doubt.
“I overheard them talking about it, see Juliet I can keep a secret,” he glared at her.
“I can’t believe it!” Colin burst out, “I just can’t,” he pushed past everyone and ran up stairs, they tried to talk to him but he didn’t answer.
“So I suppose the wedding is off,” Catherine said.
“Honestly Catherine,” Juliet shook her head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colin rushed back home the next morning, his heart was broken all over again, he didn’t want to see Ophelia knowing it was her idea from the start, she gave up on him instead of swallowing her pride and telling him he was the one she loved.
Tina walked into the shop and scanned the tables; Ophelia sat there looking at her.
“Hi,” Tina said sitting down.
“What happened now? You were so desperate on the phone.”
“Colin knows.”
“Oh no who told? Wilson?”
“No me.”
“Ugh, Tina why?”
“He was going to marry Catherine to satisfy his lordship.”
“Oh of course, how did Colin take it that I was alive?”
“He sobbed and refused to speak to anyone, he went back to the manor.”
“I’m such an idiot.”
“Do you still love him?”
“Yes.”
“Then, quit your position as parlor maid and come home with us, we leave tomorrow,” she took Ophelia’s hand in comfort.
“Ok.”
They walked up the steps of Juliet’s house; the last time she was there was when she met Colin, that felt like a century ago.
“Look whose here,” Tina announced as they walked in the parlor, they all looked at her not knowing how to react, should they be happy to see her? Or angry?
The duchess reacted first, she came to hug her.
“I’m so sorry,” Ophelia hugged back, “I made huge mistakes.”
“Everyone does sweetie, everyone does,” the duchess encouraged.
Wilson came to her second and hugged her.
“Welcome back,” the duke smiled. “Tina, I’d like to give you my apologies, you were trying to protect Colin and Ophelia, thank you and I hope you would like to stay on?”
“I’d like to yes, as my lady’s personal maid.”
“Of course Tina,” Ophelia smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The car pulled into the long drive, hitting puddles as it rained.
“I remember it being bigger,” Ophelia exclaimed gazing at the front of the manor.
“You haven’t been here a long time,” Juliet reminded her.
They went inside; Ophelia wondered the halls memories returning,
She remembered yelling at Colin as she thought he was having an affair with her,
The painful memory of Romeo’s slobbery kiss as she passed the museum,
And finally the ball room where the whole mess started with her wild imagination.
“Are you ok?” Juliet asked.
“I should have told Romeo no when he asked me to dance.”
“I knew it wasn’t a good idea but you’re more stubborn as a mule,” she half smiled.
“Can I talk to her alone, Juliet?” Colin asked as he entered.
“Of course,” Juliet left the room.
They locked eyes the whole time.
“You came here to talk to me?”
“I came here to tell you I made a huge mistake, all we did was fight then you tell me you loved me and by then I wasn’t sure if I loved you back.”
“I know there was nothing between you and Romeo.”
“He told me onboard ship, I was planning to tell you the day I got back but when the ship sank I thought it would easier if I pretended to be dead, and when I realized it was a mistake I knew it would hurt you if I came back.”
“Was it you I saw on the street?”
“Yes, I hid when I saw you coming to me, I was on my way to see Tina, she convinced me to tell you but I saw you with Catherine I changed my mind and she got it in her head to keep you apart.”
“This whole thing was mistake, I made bad decisions, I don’t expect us to go back the way it was before.”
“Ssshhh,” he took her in his arms as if they were dancing, “It’s July 1914.”
“What?” she asked through tears.
They were waltzing around room now.
“You’re wearing a blue dress.”
“You remember what I was wearing.”
“Of course, you were radiant, everything is perfect, to each other we are the only ones here, I take a huge risk leaning in because I don’t know you feel the same, and I press my lips to yours.”
After all this time they finally kiss passionately, just as it should have been.
“It’s about time,” Wilson whispered, he and Juliet were watching.
“You got that right,” Juliet replied, “Let’s give them privacy.”
Colin and Ophelia couldn’t take it, they wanted more he picked her up and took her up stairs, she removed his shirt and they kissed on the bed.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.”
Their lips met again.
“Let’s get married again,” she requested with her head on his chest.
“That’s a good Idea.”
“Next week!” She looked into his eyes.
“Ok,” He laughed.
“I’m serious; January 20th 1919 will be our new real anniversary.”
“Then it will be.”
They kissed again.
“So what do you think of Margaret for a girl and Edward for a boy,” Ophelia said.
It was summer 1924; they were walking through the park.
“There perfect names because you picked them out,” Colin said before kissing her.
Everything was perfect; they had a son and another baby on the way, what could be better? Never take anything for granted, life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
But, little did they know, they were being stalked, she watched them from the bushes.
“Stupid American slut, she just had to come back ruining everything,” Catherine muttered, she took another drink of whisky straight from the bottle, “I should be married to Colin, the mother of that boy and knocked up again, then I wouldn’t be dirt poor working the streets, she’s going to wish she was still dead.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The requirement is as it turns out Tina, Juliet and Wilson knew the whole time that Ophelia was alive.
Bonus1: After all, tomorrow is another day ~ Gone with the Wind 1939
Bonus2: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it ~ Ferris Bueller’s Day Of 1985
NOTE: I don’t think anyone caught it but my story was named after the song of the same name by A Great Big World and Christina Aguliera, I know what you said about photo shopping pictures so I hope the judges
Bonus1: After all, tomorrow is another day ~ Gone with the Wind 1939
Bonus2: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it ~ Ferris Bueller’s Day Of 1985
NOTE: I don’t think anyone caught it but my story was named after the song of the same name by A Great Big World and Christina Aguliera, I know what you said about photo shopping pictures so I hope the judges
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#277
12th Sep 2014 at 3:07 PM
Posts: 174
Thanks: 615 in 3 Posts
im really really sorry im late getting it in, Ive been busy and my free time is at night and i wanted to play sims 4 so i was putting off writing until the 6th but i was half way done and i started taking pictures on the 8th, for me me the sims 3 is SO SLOW, making a sim by scratch takes about 2 hours! i understand if you really do take 15 points off.
#278
15th Sep 2014 at 8:18 PM
Posts: 1,068
Thanks: 13447 in 34 Posts
Just in case you didn't receive my pm Qnshr5, I am posting my entry today (as in, the next 24 hours regarding time zone differences). If I get a late penalty, I guess I'll just live with it lol
#279
17th Sep 2014 at 9:45 PM
Posts: 293
Congratulations!
Sorry I don't have the scores breakdown today. I'm still waiting on comments from one judge. I want to put it all up together. Hopefully it will be going up soon. I wanted to go ahead and give you your scores so you can see how you did. Round Four Winner's Circle:
1st Place: Freelala
2nd Place: Tamlyn
3rd Place: random_name
And the winner of the Horror vs Romance Story Contest is...
Tamlyn's "Daughter of the Witch" with a final score of 96.7! Congratulations Tamlyn!
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#280
17th Sep 2014 at 10:03 PM
Posts: 655
Well it looks like Romance wins!
Congratulations Tamlyn!
Congratulations Tamlyn!
#281
18th Sep 2014 at 3:44 PM
Posts: 218
Second place by half a point in my first contest in over four years?!? I can live with that! Congrats Tamlyn! You had an amazing story and a well-deserved victory.
Thank you judges and Qnshr5 for putting together an amazing contest. I have done a LOT of contests in my day and I can honestly say this was among the very best. This was a labor of love on your part that showed at every turn. The creativity and effort put forth by you and drawn out by the contestants was incredible. I need another one like this - and soon! What will it be next? Sci-Fi vs Fantasy? Comedy vs Tragedy? Ninja vs Samurai? I've got more. Seriously... thank you for an amazing experience, and I truly hope we'll see the likes of this again.
Thank you judges and Qnshr5 for putting together an amazing contest. I have done a LOT of contests in my day and I can honestly say this was among the very best. This was a labor of love on your part that showed at every turn. The creativity and effort put forth by you and drawn out by the contestants was incredible. I need another one like this - and soon! What will it be next? Sci-Fi vs Fantasy? Comedy vs Tragedy? Ninja vs Samurai? I've got more. Seriously... thank you for an amazing experience, and I truly hope we'll see the likes of this again.
"Passion makes no accommodation for self-preservation."
#282
18th Sep 2014 at 6:05 PM
Posts: 174
Thanks: 615 in 3 Posts
Congratulations Tamlyn!
#283
19th Sep 2014 at 9:59 PM
Posts: 293
I will be posting the Scores Breakdown and Comments momentarily. I apologize that you had to wait so long for it all to turn out like this. I want to let you all know that there will only be comments from 2 judges: heaven and myself. I won't go into the details of why, but it is done with what's most fair to you in mind. I promise. That being said, you are free to tell each other what you thought of the other stories. Your feedback is almost as valuable as ours. Kidding. Kidding. Seriously, don't be afraid to share. (Nothing rude though.) I don't know when the thread will close so if you have something you'd like to share, I'd do it this weekend. If you want to be anonymous, you can PM me and I'll put your unofficial thoughts up.
@Freelala: Aw, shucks. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the contest. I'd like to do another cycle in the future, but not too soon. I need a holiday and a vacation and a sabbatical!
@Everyone: Not to brag, but you were the best contestants ever! Seriously. Everyone was respectful, played nice, and even when things went wrong or there was something you didn't like, you never lost your cool. You guys and gals are awesome! And your stories were so good. Sims stories are not easy because you have to handle both writing and setting up pictures well. Add in limits and the curve balls of the contest and these can be the most difficult contests to do, but they are also the most satisfying and fun. People looking at the contest archives will be able to enjoy your stories for years. Be very proud of yourselves! :D
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
@Freelala: Aw, shucks. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the contest. I'd like to do another cycle in the future, but not too soon. I need a holiday and a vacation and a sabbatical!
@Everyone: Not to brag, but you were the best contestants ever! Seriously. Everyone was respectful, played nice, and even when things went wrong or there was something you didn't like, you never lost your cool. You guys and gals are awesome! And your stories were so good. Sims stories are not easy because you have to handle both writing and setting up pictures well. Add in limits and the curve balls of the contest and these can be the most difficult contests to do, but they are also the most satisfying and fun. People looking at the contest archives will be able to enjoy your stories for years. Be very proud of yourselves! :D
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#284
20th Sep 2014 at 12:04 AM
Posts: 293
Round 4 Scores & Comments
ROUND 4 SCORES
Below you’ll find your final scores. In the spoilers is the averaged score of each of the six main criterion and the judges comments (which have been mixed up so they aren’t in any order). For a further breakdown of each of the criteria from all three judges, click here for the score sheet. Scores Breakdown
Please note that while the scores on the spreadsheet are listed as per the contestant list, the judges have again been mixed so they do not reflect the list on the first post. This also goes for the order of the comments. If you have any issues, questions or concerns with your scores or feedback, please PM me. Do Not Contact the Judges! You do not know which judge did what so speak with me privately.
Horror Scores
Mr_Valentine90, “Only Nightmares”
Whoa. I actually hadn't been sure that Charlotte WAS Chrissie even though I knew they were connected somehow. Well planned and played. I enjoyed Chrissie's story. The ending with Erik was also interesting capturing the slow loss of luster for life, confusion and then nightmares that her victims succumb to. I still think the story was more about the family than it was about David. They had character development, a clear story arc, and were active participants in the conflict. David was very passive--even his sacrifice felt like he gave up without trying when it should have been a last effort. As much as I enjoyed the family, Chrissie and Erik's parts in this final chapter, this round should have belonged to David. It was his moment to prove why he's the main character and he never gets to rise to the occasion, again, he's swallowed up by the time & care given to secondary characters.
I feel like your last chapter just zoomed by much too quickly. It felt like you were tying up loose ends because you had to, rather than having a truly strong ending which left me feeling a lack of closure. I'm not quite sure that Charlotte being Chrissie was an unexpected twist as that's been hinted and pointed at all along. As a story overall, I still feel as though David was rather uninspiring and forgettable as the main protagonist. 4 chapters in and I still don't feel like I know him well at all. I know part of that is the way you set it up: getting completely engrossed in his new book and the split into "experiencing" the actual book. I do believe he could have been a stronger character, even using those devices.
Mr_Valentine90, “Only Nightmares”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (15) | Genre (25) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
12.7 | 13.3 | 17.3 | 13.7 | 17.7 | 4.3 | 80.7 | 0 | 4.7 | 82.3 |
Whoa. I actually hadn't been sure that Charlotte WAS Chrissie even though I knew they were connected somehow. Well planned and played. I enjoyed Chrissie's story. The ending with Erik was also interesting capturing the slow loss of luster for life, confusion and then nightmares that her victims succumb to. I still think the story was more about the family than it was about David. They had character development, a clear story arc, and were active participants in the conflict. David was very passive--even his sacrifice felt like he gave up without trying when it should have been a last effort. As much as I enjoyed the family, Chrissie and Erik's parts in this final chapter, this round should have belonged to David. It was his moment to prove why he's the main character and he never gets to rise to the occasion, again, he's swallowed up by the time & care given to secondary characters.
I feel like your last chapter just zoomed by much too quickly. It felt like you were tying up loose ends because you had to, rather than having a truly strong ending which left me feeling a lack of closure. I'm not quite sure that Charlotte being Chrissie was an unexpected twist as that's been hinted and pointed at all along. As a story overall, I still feel as though David was rather uninspiring and forgettable as the main protagonist. 4 chapters in and I still don't feel like I know him well at all. I know part of that is the way you set it up: getting completely engrossed in his new book and the split into "experiencing" the actual book. I do believe he could have been a stronger character, even using those devices.
Romance Scores
random_name | LucyBorgia | PinkWallet14 | SimsObsessed | Tamlyn | Freelala | Vagen |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
98.7 | 0 | 0 | 65.7 | 101.7 | 107 | 0 |
Main Criteria Averaged Scores
random_name, “I Can Grant You A Miracle”
I felt this was a good ending to a good story. I definitely feel like the twist was yes, the fire, but more specifically the fact that the "plan" as laid out in the previous chapter was not the plan at all, as unveiled when Gavin was discovered in the mansion. I did call into question how not one, but three, people managed to survive a fire of that scale. I enjoyed his triumph over the spirits. A technicality always makes me smile. In its entirety, I do wish the actual romance between Brad and Juliet could have been a little stronger/more intricate. He risked everything for her but I felt that their romance was just surface level. One final question: why the HECK would he want to teach her voodoo, after everything he's been through? Hasn't he learned his lesson?
I felt that your twist was more specifically when Brad discovers Gavin in the burning house and realizes the plan wasn't to kill anyone, but to save Juliet so that Gavin and his dad are the heroes. He can't get to Juliet without going through Gavin and we know the spirits are protecting his enemy pointing to the fact that he & Juliet will never have peace until he battles the spirits. I enjoyed the ending (although I'm not sure how Gavin survived. The spirits?) The fire scenes were intense although a bit confusing at times. Brad has truly journeyed from caring about nothing but voodoo to risking his life for Juliet. Good story!
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (15) | Genre (25) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
13 | 19 | 19 | 13.7 | 19.3 | 5 | 89 | 0 | 9.7 | 98.7 |
I felt this was a good ending to a good story. I definitely feel like the twist was yes, the fire, but more specifically the fact that the "plan" as laid out in the previous chapter was not the plan at all, as unveiled when Gavin was discovered in the mansion. I did call into question how not one, but three, people managed to survive a fire of that scale. I enjoyed his triumph over the spirits. A technicality always makes me smile. In its entirety, I do wish the actual romance between Brad and Juliet could have been a little stronger/more intricate. He risked everything for her but I felt that their romance was just surface level. One final question: why the HECK would he want to teach her voodoo, after everything he's been through? Hasn't he learned his lesson?
I felt that your twist was more specifically when Brad discovers Gavin in the burning house and realizes the plan wasn't to kill anyone, but to save Juliet so that Gavin and his dad are the heroes. He can't get to Juliet without going through Gavin and we know the spirits are protecting his enemy pointing to the fact that he & Juliet will never have peace until he battles the spirits. I enjoyed the ending (although I'm not sure how Gavin survived. The spirits?) The fire scenes were intense although a bit confusing at times. Brad has truly journeyed from caring about nothing but voodoo to risking his life for Juliet. Good story!
SimsObsessed, “Say Something”
I didn't feel the twist really at all. The audience knows Ophelia is alive but, instead of reading from her POV, we continued with Colin's instead. His POV made sense, as long as we thought our main female protagonist had died. If the final chapter had been written with Ophelia narrating as well as explaining her change of heart (since she had regretted not telling Colin she loved him as the ship was going down) the chapter could have been much stronger. Catherine's appearance at the end was more confusing than anything: her new poverty and bitterness seemed very out of character. For your story as a whole, it's not a bad start to writing. You had some interesting ideas and did well setting up your scenes. You'll need to work on dialogue and descriptive language more - you really want to create a dynamic setting that your readers immerse themselves into which takes practice.
Overall an enjoyable story. I liked the way you handled "let's start over" with a dance pretending it was years ago. That scene was well done. It showed how much they still loved each other after all that time. However, since we already knew that Ophelia was still alive, it's unclear why we don't have her POV much earlier in the story. She doesn't explain why she believed it best to "set him free" since her last thoughts while almost drowning were her regrets of not telling him she loved him. Since she knows he loves her, doesn't fear Colin or his family, never longed to live life on her own terms--she has no clear motive. Pretending to be dead is such a huge deception that if it's not explained reasonably is very cruel. (Tina not immediately telling Colin when she finds an amnesic Ophelia is the same. No motive.) All this would have been fine if Colin had married Catherine before Tina found Ophelia, and Ophelia then wanted to "set him free" to his new life. Catherine at the end would have made more sense if she took issue with Ophelia's deception (not marital happiness) and wanted to protect her friend. As it is, revenge comes out of nowhere. Catherine was written as lonely not obsessed or crazy. There's nothing wrong with characters doing what they did in your story, but you have to give them logical reasons for doing so. Whether they impulsively or purposefully make decisions, those choices should fit both character & situation and have consequences that are a direct result of the choice. You took your time with the dance scene bringing out characterization, emotion & description. Do that with everything and your stories will be solid.
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (15) | Genre (25) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
11.6 | 13 | 16.3 | 12 | 15 | 4 | 72 | -15 (Late 3 days) | 8.7 | 65.7 |
I didn't feel the twist really at all. The audience knows Ophelia is alive but, instead of reading from her POV, we continued with Colin's instead. His POV made sense, as long as we thought our main female protagonist had died. If the final chapter had been written with Ophelia narrating as well as explaining her change of heart (since she had regretted not telling Colin she loved him as the ship was going down) the chapter could have been much stronger. Catherine's appearance at the end was more confusing than anything: her new poverty and bitterness seemed very out of character. For your story as a whole, it's not a bad start to writing. You had some interesting ideas and did well setting up your scenes. You'll need to work on dialogue and descriptive language more - you really want to create a dynamic setting that your readers immerse themselves into which takes practice.
Overall an enjoyable story. I liked the way you handled "let's start over" with a dance pretending it was years ago. That scene was well done. It showed how much they still loved each other after all that time. However, since we already knew that Ophelia was still alive, it's unclear why we don't have her POV much earlier in the story. She doesn't explain why she believed it best to "set him free" since her last thoughts while almost drowning were her regrets of not telling him she loved him. Since she knows he loves her, doesn't fear Colin or his family, never longed to live life on her own terms--she has no clear motive. Pretending to be dead is such a huge deception that if it's not explained reasonably is very cruel. (Tina not immediately telling Colin when she finds an amnesic Ophelia is the same. No motive.) All this would have been fine if Colin had married Catherine before Tina found Ophelia, and Ophelia then wanted to "set him free" to his new life. Catherine at the end would have made more sense if she took issue with Ophelia's deception (not marital happiness) and wanted to protect her friend. As it is, revenge comes out of nowhere. Catherine was written as lonely not obsessed or crazy. There's nothing wrong with characters doing what they did in your story, but you have to give them logical reasons for doing so. Whether they impulsively or purposefully make decisions, those choices should fit both character & situation and have consequences that are a direct result of the choice. You took your time with the dance scene bringing out characterization, emotion & description. Do that with everything and your stories will be solid.
Tamlyn, “Daughter of the Witch”
Once again, you nailed another character's point of view. Call me impressed! At first I felt that this chapter was lacking some of the detail as previous chapters but, on further thought, it worked perfectly with a child's perspective. Your pictures were beautiful as well. I have to say I'm not quite sure how/why Ronan was out of her cage when Gwennan and Song emerged from the fire world. Also, I am not quite positive what your twist was (though I've got an idea) so I didn't award full points for that. Through and through, your story was well done, from beginning to end. It was always a love story centered around Ronan and Song, despite who was narrating at the time. You took each challenge thrown at you and worked it in as though it had been your plan all along. Very, very well done.
There was one negative and that was that you forgot to put what your 3rd act twist was. I guessed, but I don't know if that was your intention so I didn't give full points on the requirement. Positives: I was wiping away tears towards the end of this part. Gwennan's POV was very tender and gentle, yet strong. It's not easy to pull off four very distinct voices. Having a story (a short story no less) told from four POV's without the audience feeling like they missing out on important plot is more difficult, but you did it beautifully. You brought in each character at the right point in the story and made sure enough was gleaned from each of them that nothing would be lost when the POV changed. You did this by keeping the focus of the story on Ronan and Song no matter who was telling the story. This whole story was extremely well done in word & picture. You are very talented.
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (15) | Genre (25) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
13.7 | 18.3 | 19.7 | 15 | 21.3 | 4.3 | 92.3 | 0 | 9.3 | 101.7 |
Once again, you nailed another character's point of view. Call me impressed! At first I felt that this chapter was lacking some of the detail as previous chapters but, on further thought, it worked perfectly with a child's perspective. Your pictures were beautiful as well. I have to say I'm not quite sure how/why Ronan was out of her cage when Gwennan and Song emerged from the fire world. Also, I am not quite positive what your twist was (though I've got an idea) so I didn't award full points for that. Through and through, your story was well done, from beginning to end. It was always a love story centered around Ronan and Song, despite who was narrating at the time. You took each challenge thrown at you and worked it in as though it had been your plan all along. Very, very well done.
There was one negative and that was that you forgot to put what your 3rd act twist was. I guessed, but I don't know if that was your intention so I didn't give full points on the requirement. Positives: I was wiping away tears towards the end of this part. Gwennan's POV was very tender and gentle, yet strong. It's not easy to pull off four very distinct voices. Having a story (a short story no less) told from four POV's without the audience feeling like they missing out on important plot is more difficult, but you did it beautifully. You brought in each character at the right point in the story and made sure enough was gleaned from each of them that nothing would be lost when the POV changed. You did this by keeping the focus of the story on Ronan and Song no matter who was telling the story. This whole story was extremely well done in word & picture. You are very talented.
Freelala, “Bright Water”
Wow. What an exciting ending. You've done a good job of taking all the various elements that were introduced earlier and giving them pertinence throughout the story. Everything was tied up well. I liked that it appeared that Tillman was going to be the issue in escaping unscathed, but it was Lena. Lovely pictures, by the way. They told the story. Whether I only looked at the word or only the pictures the story was never lost; it was complete and beautiful. Consistent from beginning to end.
Wow. Just wow. I was hooked and kept reading. And am a little sad it ended. I was waiting for someone to die, for real, rather than just be injured so you actually had me on the edge of my seat. I'm glad no one did. I thought your twist was perfectly woven in and natural. The pictures, though not needed because your writing is wonderful, were perfectly staged and beautiful as well. Out of all the rounds and chapters, this one I think is the strongest overall and the only one I've ever awarded full points to. Bravo. In fact, natural is something you've done all along. Every obstacle you've been given has been woven into the story, not just to meet a requirement and fade away. Everything meant something, everything worked well together. I'd have to say, amongst some pretty close contenders, your story takes the place as my favorite.
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (15) | Genre (25) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
14.3 | 20 | 19.7 | 15 | 23.3 | 5 | 97.3 | 0 | 9.7 | 107 |
Wow. What an exciting ending. You've done a good job of taking all the various elements that were introduced earlier and giving them pertinence throughout the story. Everything was tied up well. I liked that it appeared that Tillman was going to be the issue in escaping unscathed, but it was Lena. Lovely pictures, by the way. They told the story. Whether I only looked at the word or only the pictures the story was never lost; it was complete and beautiful. Consistent from beginning to end.
Wow. Just wow. I was hooked and kept reading. And am a little sad it ended. I was waiting for someone to die, for real, rather than just be injured so you actually had me on the edge of my seat. I'm glad no one did. I thought your twist was perfectly woven in and natural. The pictures, though not needed because your writing is wonderful, were perfectly staged and beautiful as well. Out of all the rounds and chapters, this one I think is the strongest overall and the only one I've ever awarded full points to. Bravo. In fact, natural is something you've done all along. Every obstacle you've been given has been woven into the story, not just to meet a requirement and fade away. Everything meant something, everything worked well together. I'd have to say, amongst some pretty close contenders, your story takes the place as my favorite.
A Special Congratulations to the Fab Five who Completed the Contest & their Stories! Mr_Valentine90, random_name, SimsObsessed, Tamlyn, Freelala! Your hard work and creativity produced fun, enjoyable and memorable works of art. Thank you for sharing with us.
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#285
20th Sep 2014 at 1:57 AM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27202 in 66 Posts
I've gone ahead and given the Fab Five their participation achievements (well, technically less than 5 since some of you are old hats at competing). Tamlyn has also earned a blue ribbon. Last but not least, our lovely host has more than earned her hosting achievement! I'm going to leave this thread open for another day or two for any commenting or perhaps participation feedback for your fellow contestants.
Thank you so much everyone. I truly enjoyed being a part of this contest and getting to read your lovely stories.
Thank you so much everyone. I truly enjoyed being a part of this contest and getting to read your lovely stories.
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
#286
20th Sep 2014 at 7:04 AM
Posts: 220
Thanks: 39 in 1 Posts
Thank you all!
I still haven't had a chance to read everyone's last chapters or look at the scores properly as I fell sick again (at least it waited until after the round end, right?) but I definitely look forward to getting to them. It's sad that we lost so many people at the last hump (insert some bad pun about horror and its disappearing writers here), but I'm glad we had as many as we did.
Thanks so much to Qnshr5 for hosting such a wonderful contest, and to our judges cherry and heaven (and I'm sure there were more or am I imagining things?).
I still haven't had a chance to read everyone's last chapters or look at the scores properly as I fell sick again (at least it waited until after the round end, right?) but I definitely look forward to getting to them. It's sad that we lost so many people at the last hump (insert some bad pun about horror and its disappearing writers here), but I'm glad we had as many as we did.
Thanks so much to Qnshr5 for hosting such a wonderful contest, and to our judges cherry and heaven (and I'm sure there were more or am I imagining things?).
#287
20th Sep 2014 at 11:36 AM
Posts: 655
I just want to say thank you for those comments. I can't disagree with them.
The story was always more about the demon than it was anyone else.
I hadn't planned out David's story but left it open for what could be required during the contest and that obviously showed in his lack of character development and importance to the plot. Though I didn't notice he had fallen by the wayside until I read your comments.
I want to say thank you for helping me and giving me advice when I needed it. And for hosting this contest also.
The story was always more about the demon than it was anyone else.
I hadn't planned out David's story but left it open for what could be required during the contest and that obviously showed in his lack of character development and importance to the plot. Though I didn't notice he had fallen by the wayside until I read your comments.
I want to say thank you for helping me and giving me advice when I needed it. And for hosting this contest also.
#288
23rd Sep 2014 at 3:47 PM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27202 in 66 Posts
Alright guys. No one seems to have checked in for quite a few days so I'm going to call this closed. Thank you again for all your hard work and the wonderful stories I got to read.
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
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