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#326
16th Sep 2012 at 4:57 AM
Blood Red: Chapter 5
Previous chapters:
Jada Greene is the daughter of the Governor and also a member of the guard force employed to keep the Reds subdued and out of the city. When her father declares war on the Reds he sends out teams to strike the suspected Red camps. Jada, is accidentally shot and taken by Rurik to a makeshift Red hospital, deep within enemy territory. Olivia and Rurik from the red camp fail to convince Jada that she’s actually one of them and that her Father knows more than he’s letting on. Frustrated, Rurik forces Jada to confront her father’s doings by taking her to the emergency room where the survivors of her father’s red raiders campaign have gathered. She’s shocked into realising that there might be some truth in what they said about her father and starts to question everything though the thought of being related to a red(or maybe even being one herself) is still too much for her to accept. Word gets out that the red raiders have decimated several Red camps and are due to reach the hospital imminently.
Last chapter: After pitching in to evacuate who they could from the hospital, they come up with a simple plan; Jada will go ahead and try to intercept the Red Raiders in the hope that they’ll give up the chase. Rurik is reluctant to leave her and hangs around but he gets in another argument with Jada (bickering siblings ) which leads to him truly opening up to her for the first time. Just then, the Red Raiders shoot him and Jada is faced with losing him for real. She realises he was telling the truth and that she too feels their connection. She’s dragged off him and piled into a troop carrier just as the Red Raiders attack the hospital.
Also, just as a reminder, GI = Genome Interrogator (the proximity detection device used to determine if someone has the red gene or not).
~~~~
“This way, Sir. He’s alive but in critical condition.”
“I’ll see him in private, Doctor.” He takes the hint. Entering the room I’m taken aback. I’d seen his image on the CCTV footage but in person: “...You’re so much like your mother”.
His eyes heave open like it takes every ounce of energy he’s got. “It’s you. Come to finish the job?” he croaks, a wry smile playing across his lips ever so briefly before being replaced by a grimace of pain.
“Can a man not visit his only son?” I ask drily.
He wheezes, “Where was your sentimental side when you were kicking us to the curb?”
“Rurik...” I’m not sure what to say. I didn’t come here to tell my side of the story but maybe I owe him that much. “I never wanted this, you know? To have to abandon my own wife and son. She didn’t give me a choice. Your mother knew the law; she knew what the plan was. How could I run for office when I was married to the enemy; an outlaw in disguise?! How could I father a Red child?
“Mum isn’t the one in the wrong here” His breathing is noticeably laboured.
“No, she’s not... you are”. Oh, it feels good to say it aloud. “I loved her; she was my life, she was everything! She lied to me, somehow tricked me into believing she was normal. Still, I would’ve forgiven her back then, helped her hide it somehow because I think she wanted to be one of us so badly she believed her own lie. But you...how could I hide you?
“You really don’t get it do you?” He chokes.
“No, you don’t get it! You ruined everything! You put me in a position I should never have been in. I wasn’t equipped to deal with it. My father was livid of course. I was to take over his reign as governor but a scandal like that would end us both; bring shame to the family. He told me to ‘take care’ of you and forbade us to have any more children in case Jada was the exception, not you. Olivia wouldn’t let you go... she hated me for even entertaining the idea, said there was no coming back from that. We were over... she chose you, a Red over me. She wanted Jada too but she tore my heart out when she left... losing Jada broke hers. What could she do, fight for custody?” I laugh but the bitterness lingers, “Even my own father believed you’d both died in that car crash... or he knew better than to question it. I spared your life even as you tore mine apart! The only good thing to come of your birth was Jada and now you try to take her from me too!?
He smiles fleetingly as he croaks, “You’re too late, she won’t come back to you either!”
Picking up the pillow, I do what I should have done 20 years ago. “We’ll see about that!” I say when his weakened body finally goes limp.
~~~~
Numb, everything’s numb...blurred, grey. Weeks have passed or maybe months. I don’t know. Or Care. My days are a monotonous routine punctuated by rounds of drugs and electric-shock treatment. It hurts...a lot. But I relish the pain knowing that as long as I feel it, as long as I feel something, maybe one day I’ll feel... something more. I let it consume me: I scream and cry; crying a lifetime worth of tears, floodgates where a dam once stood. I cry for him...for all of them. Then it’s over I’m slumped back in the wheelchair, eyes glazed, drooling on my hospital gown as I’m wheeled over to Dr Ibrahim’s office.
Ibrahim’s voice is soft, soothing. Sometimes instead of answering his questions I’m unable to do anything but sink deep into his couch and sob quietly. In my stronger moments I answer his questions and riddles. He always wants me to talk. Over the weeks I start to feel like he needs me to say certain things; as though there were some unseen checklist. When I talk about Rurik and Olivia or the innocent victims of my father’s insane war he fidgets uncomfortably, glancing nervously at the CCTV camera high on the wall. “I want to go back to my old life, to serve my city and Governor”. I lie to test the waters. He smiles: a small, satisfied smile and when he relaxes my numbness momentarily lifts. It’s all too brief but the lie was worth it for that tiny glimpse of feeling without the pain of treatment. I decide to continue telling him what he needs to hear, to help him tick his boxes. I’m selling my soul but what does that matter when I’m already living in Hell? Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a lie and the only real thing I could count on was killed that night, right in front of me.
The day starts as any other of late. Everything’s the same, everything but me. I’m sharper, in focus: the numbness is dissipating, the fog lifting. Maybe it’s because they didn’t schedule the electric shock yesterday. A reward for telling them what they want to hear? The pain and grief of loss remain, intensified if anything. I want to feel nothing again, nothing is better than this! I’m taken to Ibrahim’s office as scheduled where, unusually, his receptionist asks us to wait outside.
“But, Sir”, I hear Dr Ibrahim plead, “she’s not ready for this! She’s still in a fragile state; re-integration can be transitory in the short-term, who knows what kind of damage this could do?!”
“Listen Doctor”, my father commands, “The city’s still reeling from the war and I have the eyes of the city on me. The people are scared and they’re starting to point fingers. They’re saying if I can’t keep my own daughter safe, how can I protect the whole city? That douche-bag on ‘The Daily Show’ is going about saying she’s not made a public appearance yet because the Reds turned her! Do you realise how weak and untrustworthy that makes me look? My life’s work is in jeopardy here. You have no idea what I’ve sacrificed to get where I am!”
“I understand, Sir but this is still very sudden, couldn’t we postpone it until-“
“Until when? The trial’s over; the verdict’s being aired in an hour! It’s happening tonight!”
“Tonight?” Ibrahim repeats sounding panicked.
“She has to present a united front with me, show the city that the Reds don’t have us beat and we’re stronger than ever! You just need to make sure you have her on enough drugs to keep her docile! The last thing I need is her developing a mind of her own on camera! The people need to see she’s back at my side and that we’re making the Reds pay for what they’ve done to us...to me! Got it?!”
Father makes to leave but stops when he sees me. He’s not visited me since I was first brought back. I was probably too hysterical to talk to him then but now I don’t know how to react, I’m just stunned to see him. I stand motionless, only my eyes move from him to Ibrahim and back, taking in what I’ve just heard. Dad paints on a smile, I could always tell when he was faking for the crowds, “The good doctor tells me you’re doing much better. I’m so glad to hear that Princess, I’ve been worried sick! I have great news: because you’re doing so well I’m taking you on an outing tonight and you get to wear your uniform and serve the city just like you asked for.” ...so he’s been keeping track of my therapy sessions? Maybe that’s why Ibrahim’s always so wary of the CCTV.
Ibrahim’s eyes seem to be pleading with me; I feel him urging me to go along with it. Or at the very least not go “feral”. Father scares him; father scares most people, I could never see why until now. He deals with threats by eliminating them. Is that why he wants me doped up? I’ve questioned his authority, threatened his rule. I look back to my father without speaking, I’m seething; want him to feel the pain he’s caused. Ibrahim seems to recognise the tiny impulse and his face fills with panic. For his sake I struggle more powerfully against my rage to undo that moment of weakness.
Recognising my hesitation, father’s smile is replaced with his ‘parental discipline’ face and I’m a child again being told off, “Jada, you just have to look healthy and not do anything to embarrass us. You’ve done a million public appearances with me before, you can handle this!” He turns to Dr Ibrahim, “She’ll be fine, I’ll send her uniform down”.
As soon as he’s out of the corridor Ibrahim drags me out the wheelchair and straight through his office, into the adjoining bathroom, motioning for me to stay still while he checks nobody’s following. What the hell is he doing, has everyone gone mad?! “Well handled, at the very least he can’t be sure I took you off your meds” he says in hurried whispers.
“What? But I’ve taken them every morn-“
“Keep your voice down!” He hisses, his head darting out the door again to see if anyone’s coming. “Those cameras pick up everything! Bathrooms are about the only safe place to talk.” He turns back to face me as he closes the door again. “He agreed to lay off the Electric –Shock Treatment when you started lying, he
believed
you! That’s when I started giving you placebos; the treatment would’ve been unbearable without drugs.”“You knew I was lying?”
He looks at me impatiently, “Jada, I’m paid to understand people. That’s why I started coaxing you into thinking it was what I wanted to hear, I knew you wouldn't say that shit of your own volition!” Holy crap, am I that transparent?! He continues, “He wants you drugged: malleable until he can be sure you’re back under his control but ...Jada, there’s stuff happening that you need to have a clear head for. I’d hoped to have you completely sober before you had to face it but it’s gotta happen tonight”, he looks worried, “You’ve had almost two days off the meds, we’ll just have to hope that’s enough”.
“Wait, what’s happening tonight? Dad said something about a trial?”
“A few surviving Reds were rounded up that night you were brought in. They were put on public trial as war criminals. It’s a farce!” He shakes his head angrily then checks the door to make sure his raised voice didn’t alert anyone. “Most, if not all, of the testimonies were conjured up by the government. They’re show trials, Jada. Their sentence was decided before the trials even began; it’s just another way for your Dad to reinforce his authority. Their execution is being aired live on TV tonight and your father wants you by his side so the public see your support of it all, your support of him. I don’t know if you can save them but you have to try, Jada... for Rurik.” My breath catches at the sound of his name and I feel that now familiar sting. He continues, “You’re the governor’s daughter, a war hero no less: you’ve been painted as the poster child for the war on Reds. They’re practically saying you ripped your way out of that Red Camp with your bare hands. As far as the public are concerned you have more reason than anybody to hate Reds: If they’ll listen to anyone, it’s you. Here, take these”, he says offering me a small bundle, “don’t let anybody see you with them. I took these from your shirt pocket the night you were brought in.
I look at the bundle. My GI, then some kind of drawing. I look up at Ibrahim, confused. “It’s proof, Jada. Your Mum cracked it! This little diagram shows that as well as being genetic – which we already knew- the red gene can be carried by someone without them even knowing. Christ, half the city’s probably red! Do you have any idea how many babies and kids are abandoned or killed every year because of a rogue red gene turning up in the family? Moreover, for a Red like Rurik to be born to two non-red heads both parent must carry the red gene.”
Shaking my head in astonishment, I ask, “So...you’ve known all along? There are others? Why hasn’t anybody stopped it?”
“It’s your father and his father before him. They’ve built an army around themselves and this insane ideal, mostly funded by the city’s upper-crust. Half the city is too terrified to speak up against him for fear of the consequences and the other half...well, if I’d said any of this to you before you met Olivia and Rurik, would you have believed me?”
I blush with shame of how I reacted when I was told. “But wait, How do I – I mean, what do I say to them?!”
Approaching footsteps bring our meeting to an end. Ibrahim sighs heavily, “Jada, I don’t have all the answers but whatever happens tonight, remember you’re not alone”. He wraps an arm around me and opens the door as the guards come bounding into his office. He makes an excuse about having taken me to the toilet because the meds made me nauseous and honestly, I don’t have to try too hard to look the part as they escort me to my room.
~~~~
It’s an intimate affair. Well, besides the camera crews and a God-knows how many viewers, there’s only a couple of squads of guards, a handful of dignitaries, Dr Ibrahim (no doubt ordered here by father to keep an eye on me) and the prisoners. Four humans lined up before me, saying their final goodbyes to the world. They’re blindfolded and wearing prison coveralls, it’s difficult to tell if I recognise any of them from the brief stint I spent in the ER all those weeks ago but I know Rurik and Olivia aren’t there. Silly, I know, but a little part of me still hoped to see them there so that I might believe they’re still alive and I still stand a chance of saving them. “Do it for Rurik”, Ibrahim’s words replay in my head. I have no idea what “it” is yet but as I look at the dishevelled mess of Reds before me I know, no matter what, I can’t let them die tonight.
Father finishes up his seemingly crowd pleasing speech and covers his mic as he hisses at me through gritted teeth, “Jada! Could you try to look less like someone’s just drowned your puppy?! You’re supposed to be a proud soldier and daughter watching your city take down its enemy, remember!?” Then the ceremony begins. The firing squad march out and line up in perfect formation at the bottom of the stage. They salute my father and about turn, facing their targets. Despite all the pomp and ceremony everything seems to be happening at lightning speed. I still have no idea what it is that Olivia, Rurik and now Ibrahim saw in me that made them think I could somehow change all this, stop it from happening! Now I’m out of time. They’re out of time.
Father gives the first command, “Guards, Call to arms!”
“Wait!” I screech! All heads turn to me. I have nothing to follow; I just need this to stop. Father twitches a finger and a couple of guards shift at the stage entrance, ready to escort me off no doubt but I need to be here. I’m not likely to have the whole city watching me on live tv again. I can’t think of anything good enough, big enough that I can say to stop all this. In a panic I bark out, “No, father, let me.” What? Anything but that would’ve been better! It’ll only buy me – them, seconds. That’s not enough. Jesus, I wish they’d armed me, I could’ve just...just...I don’t know!
Father subtly motions for the guards to halt and turns to the camera with his painted smile, “Of course, she wants to help me, I’m no good at goodbyes. My girl knows me too well” and the crowd laughs politely. “The honour us all yours, dear”.
Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! I slowly pace forward taking a deep breath, hoping with every passing second I’ll be hit with a stroke of genius. I start the order, “Guards. Make ready” while they carry out the drill I find Ibrahim in the crowd. He reads people, he must know I’m losing it up here. Help me! He slowly but carefully pats his waistline then nods at me. What?! You’re hungry? Am I hungry?! I try to subtly glance down at my belly for a clue. My holster, of course! He’s telling me I am armed! I take another deep breath and flex my hand as I bellow the next line of the order, “Take aim”. One last look at Ibrahim and he nods at me. In less than a second I’ve released it from my holster and I’m pressing the shiny, black metal to my father’s body.
For one and a half seconds everything is frozen, nobody dares move or even breathe. Then, “beep, beep, beep”. Positive. That’s how the city learned what Rurik and Olivia told me all those weeks ago, “My father, the governor and the leader of the Red Raiders is himself a Red”.
~~~~
That was the beginning of the end. A new chapter has opened for our city. We’re still adjusting but we’re doing our best to re-educate the population bit by bit. My mother’s research was sent to every scientist and school in the city. We started Red outreach programs; you wouldn’t believe how many residents tested positive for carrying the gene! Ibrahim heads a therapy drop-in centre for parents who’d previously had no choice but to abandon their children or have them mercy killed. There are still stubborn factions and deep, raw wounds that we may never be able to fix... but at least now, with father safely removed from office, we’re free to try.
As for me? I lost everything I knew, everyone I ever loved but I discovered a lot about myself and a lot about others too. One of the people in the line-up turned out to be Rose, Rurik’s long-term girlfriend. Who would’ve thought we’d become best friends, bonded over the man we both loved and lost? She tells me stories about him all the time, it’s like I’m getting to know him through her. I’ll repay the favour one day; Rurik’s child will know daddy died fighting for justice to make this world a better place.
~~~~
Family Secrets – Everybody has ‘em...perhaps this family more than most. Aside from the obvious that rurik and Olivia were one big dirty secret, in this chapter I focused on Jada and her Dad. Jada keeps secrets from Ibrahim and her Dad about her loyalties to the Reds when she pretends to be “normal” again. Her Dad... where do I start? He kept a lot from Jada even at the end, he confesses it all to Rurik but we never know if Jada ever finds out the truth. Her Dad even killed Rurik to try to make sure that his secrets remained secret. Even at the end, in the last sentence, we see that Jada has no idea this happened and thinks Rurik died in her arms outside the Red hospital.
Previous Plot Points: Beware the Nice Guy, Kidnapped, Evil Twin, Pride before a fall(Bonus), Heaven Help Us
Word Count: 3163 (inc bonus), Bonus on it’ own = 516
Pic Count: 23 (inc Bonus), Bonus on it’s own = 4
CC Used: Yes (allowed and not-allowed)
Hero Type: Chosen One
Effects Used:
All pics - Custom light intensity and colours.
Pic 3 – Made Sepia for a flashback and gave it a semi-transparent border.
Pic 5 – This is a combo of the “transport me” effect and two fog emitter effects. I can look them up later if needed, forgot to note them down.
PS Jon Stewart is not a douchebag! :p
Previous Plot Points: Beware the Nice Guy, Kidnapped, Evil Twin, Pride before a fall(Bonus), Heaven Help Us
Word Count: 3163 (inc bonus), Bonus on it’ own = 516
Pic Count: 23 (inc Bonus), Bonus on it’s own = 4
CC Used: Yes (allowed and not-allowed)
Hero Type: Chosen One
Effects Used:
All pics - Custom light intensity and colours.
Pic 3 – Made Sepia for a flashback and gave it a semi-transparent border.
Pic 5 – This is a combo of the “transport me” effect and two fog emitter effects. I can look them up later if needed, forgot to note them down.
PS Jon Stewart is not a douchebag! :p
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#327
16th Sep 2012 at 4:59 AM
Posts: 12
Thanks: 131 in 4 Posts
Chapter 5: Three Parts of a Whole
Continued lack of pictures: 2 notes--1) I uninstalled the game, reinstalled, and loaded the save game--still doesn't work.
2) School just started up again, and I've been so busy I haven't even had time to recreate the scenes. Sorry guys.
Previously on: Elizabeth wanted to make up with her estranged sister Sarah, but got more than she bargained for when a plan gets put into motion to wipe the whole town of Supernaturals. First she finds the catalyst is her old lover John Ross, then her daughter shows up acting like a crazy-pants, and finally she discovers that the marginally insane John Ross holds the key to the cure.
Elizabeth
Just then, Samara collapses to the floor.
"Is everyone here completely freakin' insane?" Sarah explodes.
John Ross just laughs maniacally.
Sarah rolls her eyes. "Well, I guess I have my answer."
"Sarah!" Elizabeth chides, hoping his moment of lucidity is not lost. "Now is not the time to antagonize him. John Ross, what is wrong with Samara?"
"Not yet..." John Ross draws out the words. "First, I want to know if I'll still be getting out of here."
"I'm certainly not going to stop you. I'm just a puny human after all." Sarah says sarcastically.
"Considering the fact I was going to run away with you not twenty minutes ago, I would say you are free to go. After you help Samara."
"How do I know you're not just going to turn me in, Lizzie? You've always been the martyr."
"Have I ever lied to you?"
"No. But I know what you would do if you were backed into a corner."
Elizabeth freezes, completely stunned. "What are you talking about?"
"I think you remember." John Ross narrows his eyes.
Sarah's had quite enough. "Oh my watcher--stop talking in riddles. I'm under the impression this whole place is going to blow up and you're wasting time being 'elusive' or some shit. Tell me what's going on so we can all get the hell out of here!"
"Hmm. It seems your whole family has quite the mouth." John Ross growls. "As you insist, m'lady. It seems I have a story to tell."
"Do not do this, John Ross."
"The girl wants to know."
"I will call SIGNAL right now."
"I'll leave Samara to die."
"Die?" Elizabeth whispers.
"I'm telling this story."
Elizabeth nods. "I'm sorry, Sarah."
"Why are you--" Sarah tries to ask, but John Ross is already speaking.
"It all started twenty-five years ago; I was coming Above Ground for the first time in almost a century. When I first saw modern SimNation, one thing was clear. It was a very different time.
"I spent seven months re-learning the language and the strange new slang terms. It took even longer to grasp the concept of electronics. The instructors were all other vampires who had been through the same training at least a few years before.
"We've never tried to keep our existence secret, nor the fact that our lifespan is longer than humans. But the only reason the humans 'allow' us to coexist with them--it's in the Laws--is because we are expected to eventually die of old age. The fact is, that never
happens. Every vampire that has been reported dead has been of unnatural causes. The truth is, we're immortal. Each and every one of us. Once we are born, we will never age another day.
"We go Underground every few centuries so the public can forget about us. Then we resurface with a new name, a new look, and new mannerisms. So far, we haven't been recognized.
"I've been many people in my lifetime--been alive for almost a thousand years. But I've never had any children before Samara. And I've never loved anyone as much as Elizabeth."
At this, tears begin to roll down Elizabeth's cheeks. "You did not tell me I would live forever."
John Ross' voice softens. "I can't know you will."
Elizabeth's brow furrows. "But didn't you just say--"
"That's inherited. From when you have two vampire parents, like me. And Samara. But you were turned. There have been rare cases of eternal life, but it's not a regular occurence."
"I though you said every vampire would live forever."
John Ross swallows, obviously pained. "We are forbidden from turning humans." He whispers.
Elizabeth's eyes widen. "What?"
"It is extremely looked down upon. The ones that are discovered are hunted down and killed."
"Is that why you left?" Elizabeth says quietly. "You were ashamed of me?"
"No! Of course not. They had found me, Lizzie. They were going to find you."
"Oh." It's the only word she can think of. So he hadn't abandoned her, not really. He was just trying to protec--
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Sarah says.
John Ross turns, locking eyes with Sarah. "Trust me. I never would have left her if there was another way." Sarah searches his blood-red eyes--and she believes it.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Elizabeth throws her hands up.
"I thought...I thought it would make my leaving easier. A clean break. You wouldn't look for me--you wouldn't know where. I wouldn't have to look you in the eyes and refuse you if you asked to come with me. I've always been weak when it comes to you. Love does that."
"I think love makes people stronger." Elizabeth says, touching John Ross' cheek.
"Alright, enough with the sentiment." Sarah groans, secretly finding it adorable. "You were telling us a story."
"Yes, I suppose I was." John Ross sighs, hooking an arm around Elizabeth's waist.
"When I was younger, there was a rule: no romances--and especially no children--with humans. That did not really fly with the more 'compassionate' members of my race. During my first stint Underground, it was changed. There were a couple of kids born, a few were killed, killing vampire children did not go over well, you get the picture. We discovered that vampirism was dominant, and as long as the children were all vampires and the blood lines weren't diluted with humans, it was okay.
"So new rules were written. Now, turning humans was forbidden. We needed to ensure we would have an ample food supply, since each vampire born would live forever.
"Not everyone agreed with the new rule, but most of them already had mixed children--probably hidden somewhere--and they were definitely not ready to sacrifice them.
"Obviously, there have been some humans turned. Only those 'belonging' to royalty were allowed to live; the rest were gotten rid of. The Hierarchy is surprisingly thorough.
"Of course, the ones turned before the rule was written were allowed to continue their lives--especially since their lifespan was shorter anyway."
"I don't understand. If they would eventually die of old age, then why were they a threat to the food supply?" Elizabeth asks, puzzled.
"Ah, I said they weren't immortal. I didn't say they didn't live a long time. About four times as long as humans. And humans are strangely alluring to my kind."
"I see." Elizabeth nods.
"As much as I'm enjoying story time," Sarah interjects, "I don't get how any of this helps Samara."
John Ross locks eyes with Elizabeth. "Looks like I don't have to tell that part of the story--"
Elizabeth visibly relaxes.
"--anyway, there was a time--when I was first born--where I went through a very...confusing period.
"Experimenting with your sexuality?" Sarah cracks, expecting a snarl in response.
"No, actually." John Ross laughs. Sarah rolls her eyes--he really does have multiple personalities.
"I went through...something that reversed all of my traits. I wasn't myself--donating to charities, making friends, being kind to others--it was horrible."
"Sounds horrible." Sarah says, voice dripping sarcasm.
"It really, truly was." John Ross says, eyes haunted.
"So you were acting like Samara is now."
John Ross shakes his head. "I wouldn't say that. Like I said--she's delightfully evil."
"No. She doesn't have an unkind bone in her body." Elizabeth corrects.
"And you prefer her that way?" John Ross asks, incredulous.
"Yes. I do." Elizabeth replies, her tone clipped.
John Ross rolls his eyes. "Fine, fine. I can fix it."
"Good. How?"
"I have to bake a cake."
John Ross
Elizabeth didn't initially believe he was serious about the cake thing--he is insane after all. But insanity has it's perks. He's met a lot of people in his time, and they all know there isn't a line he wouldn't cross. That fact makes them pretty obedient--if they don't do what he wants, he just kills them and finds someone who will.
The first stop is an Elixir Consignment Shop, luckily nowhere near the siege of Littlefield, and he personally knows the owner. They scoop Samara's unconscious body into the car head to Carlos'.
When they arrive, John Ross hops out of the car and leaves the other women inside.
"Carlos!" John Ross exclaims as he strolls in, raising his arms almost like he's going to hug the man.
Carlos swallows visibly, his neck muscles tightening. "Johnny! Good to see you! How've you been?"
"Let's skip the pleasantries, shall we?" All humor vanishes from John Ross' face.
Another swallow. "Of course. What can I get for you?"
"I need a cure. Seems my friend got hit with an Opposite Personality elixir. She's just not herself." He jokes.
"Ahh. Coming right up."
"Actually, I was hoping to make it a special order." John Ross says.
Carlos frowns. "How so?"
In a little under an hour, Carlos emerges with a large cake box.
"Thanks." John Ross says, throwing a couple thousand simoleans--much more than the actual cost--on the counter. "I look forward to doing business with you again."
"I don't." Carlos says under his breath.
John Ross hears it; he hears everything. He sets the box on one of the tables before slowly turning around.
"I'm glad you said that--"
If Carlos hadn't known about the man's acute hearing, he knew now. His eyes barely have time to widen in fear.
"--because I was getting hungry." In less than a second John Ross is sinking his teeth into the other man's neck, and it's only a few minutes before Carlos has been completely drained.
When he's done, John Ross shakes his head. "That's what I get for being polite."
Then he picks up the box and walks out of the store, the bells on the door jangling merrily as he leaves.
John Ross hops back in the car, handing the box to Sarah. He glances to the backseat, Samara's head in Elizabeth's lap and tears streaming down Elizabeth's face.
"Is this going to make her wake up?" Elizabeth whispers.
John Ross shakes his head. "I'm afraid we're going to have to do that the old fashioned way."
Elizabeth's brows draw together as John Ross turns back around.
Sarah raises an eyebrow. "So what's in this witches brew? Snails and puppy dog tails?"
John Ross grimaces. "Why do you think I had it made into a cake?"
Sarah swallows, shutting her mouth.
Elizabeth
It's not long before they make it to one of John Ross' safehouses.
He sets Samara down on the bed before disappearing out of the room. When he comes back, Elizabeth barely has time to get out a "What are you doing?" before he's dumping a bucket of water on Samara's face. The woman sputters to life, coughing and glaring.
"Did I pass out? Damn. I was going to kill all of you."
"Now's your chance!" John Ross chuckles.
Samara lunges out of bed, only to be caught by restraints around her wrists and ankles.
John Ross laughs again. "Vampire proof! I would know."
Samara sighs. "So I'm a prisoner, is that right?"
"Nope."
"So you tie up all your guests?"
John Ross looks over at Elizabeth. "You sure she can't stay this way?"
Elizabeth glares.
"Alright, alright." He concedes. "You look pretty hungry, Sammy. Eat this." He says, holding out a piece of cake.
She snaps at his fingers. He pulls his arm back, nodding at Elizabeth.
"You trust me, don't you Mara?" Elizabeth coos, offering another slice. "Come on, I know you're still in there."
Samara struggles against the ties, but it looks like more of an internal one. Finally she nods, taking a large bite of the cake.
"Ooh, chocol--"
Suddenly, Samara's body siezes, pulling against the restraints and screaming.
"What's happening, John Ross?" Elizabeth cries.
"It's working!" He shouts back.
When Samara's body stills she sits up, and Elizabeth rushes over to untie her. Her daughter looks different somehow.
"Are you okay, baby?"
"Yeah, Mom. What's going on? Why am I tied up?"
Elizabeth sighs in relief. "You were...poisoned. But you're all better now. Everthing's going to be alright, I promise."
With both her arms untied, Samara hugs Elizabeth tightly. "I don't feel so good."
"It's okay, baby. Everything's going to be alright." She repeats, hugging her daughter back.
Eventually, Samara notices the two other pairs of eyes watching her. "Who are these people?"
"Oh. That's my sister--"
"It all worked out? I'm so happy for you, mom." Samara smiles, pulling Elizabeth into another hug. "And good to meet you, Sarah. My mom didn't tell me you two looked like twins."
"Nice to meet you too, Samara." Sarah says warily, trying to pretend this wasn't the same person who threatened to kill her just hours ago.
"I'm so glad you two made up."
"Me too." The sisters say in unison, before sharing a laugh.
"And who's this?"
Elizabeth smiles. "That's your f--"
John Ross cuts her off. "Friend. I'm just a friend. Glad to see you're feeling better."
"Thanks. It's good to meet you..."
"James."
"It's good to meet you, James."
"And you, Samara."
"I'll be right back, sweetheart." Elizabeth says, pulling John Ross into the other room.
"What are you doing?"
"She doesn't have to know. It'll just upset her, knowing about me. And she's got every right to be angry."
"It wasn't your fault." Elizabeth pleads.
"It doesn't matter. I have to leave anyway. Alone."
"Again?" Elizabeth sighs, resigned.
"If happy ever after did exist for me, it would be with you and the kid. You know that."
Elizabeth swallows. "I know. But we--I am going to miss you."
He kisses her softly. "I love you."
She nods. "I love you t--."
"Elizabeth?" Sarah calls.
Elizabeth runs into the other room. "Wha--oh my god, Samara?"
"Mom? I think I'm..." Samara's sounds distressed.
"Human." Sarah confirms.
"Jo--James? What do you think about this?" When Elizabeth doesn't get an answer, she turns around.
"Oh. He's gone." She clenches her teeth together, trying to hold back the tears. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. We'll figure this out. Being human is a wonderful thing."
"I know." Samara smiles. It'll be a fresh start."
"For both of us." Elizabeth agrees.
Sarah pulls the other two into a hug. "Together."
Word Count: 2371
Pictures: 0
Hero Type: The Atoner
Current Plot Point:
Previous Plot Points: Seven Deadly Sins, Last Chance, Pride Before a Fall, Mysterious Past, Redemption Quest
Song Lyric: “If happy ever after did exist…” Maroon 5, Payphone
Bonus: Point of View: John Ross: 471 words
#328
16th Sep 2012 at 5:10 AM
Phew! Three minutes to go!
I have a bonus pic just 'cause it made me giggle but it's a bit of a spoiler so if you're planning to read my story at all don't click this until you have
Bearing in mind that I've just killed off Rurik in the story, imagine my surprise when I'm setting up Ibrahim's therapy drop-in scene for the end of the story when Rurik stumbles into Ibrahim’s office all zombified and attacks the poor already traumatised patient! >_< Maybe Jada was right back in the earlier chapters; maybe Reds really are soulless husks of sims that never really die?
ETA: Sabri O_O with one minute to go *takes hat off*
I have a bonus pic just 'cause it made me giggle but it's a bit of a spoiler so if you're planning to read my story at all don't click this until you have
Bearing in mind that I've just killed off Rurik in the story, imagine my surprise when I'm setting up Ibrahim's therapy drop-in scene for the end of the story when Rurik stumbles into Ibrahim’s office all zombified and attacks the poor already traumatised patient! >_< Maybe Jada was right back in the earlier chapters; maybe Reds really are soulless husks of sims that never really die?
ETA: Sabri O_O with one minute to go *takes hat off*
#329
16th Sep 2012 at 6:16 AM
Last edited by Viva1994 : 16th Sep 2012 at 11:53 PM.
Reason: forgot some information
Posts: 22
Previously on: Suzanna Trench went to hell and back all for her best friend Bram Adams, she braved the nefarious Company and sorta defeated them (but not really). After being faced with the decision over the life of her best friend, who was a turned Company vampire, and the good of the city, which was plagued by these vampires, she chose Bram. The woman who dragged her on the adventure: Valentina Victor was not happy with this choice. In the end, the supposed villain Jacob Victor and Valentina spirited away, leaving Suzanna alone with an unconscious Bram with no real hope for survival...
Only after everything was said and done in the warehouse did Suzanna escape. It was actually quite easy to get out, in the end. She wasn't quite sure why she stayed actually; the fire was excruciatingly hot -- it must have been something to do with sentiment. Funny how vampires never caused her that problem before...
All of that for one dead vampire.
She couldn't bear to even think of his name; the pain was still so fresh in her mind. He was gone now though, and she was alone -- well, as alone as she would be at the moment. The crowd was becoming rather restless around her, what with her burn blisters and what not. She would get home and check it out. Some of them seemed genuinely concerned, but she was too numb to care.
---
Everything stung by the time she got home. She staggered into her bathroom and froze at the sight of her reflection. Nope, no skin left, she thought to herself as disbelief began to wash over her. Suzanna fought the uncanny urge to poke the yellow blisters that had begun to bubble to the surface.
The door cracked open behind her, and a certain nasty pink haired girl sauntered in.
"There you are, darling," she said casually, her eyes showing no reaction to her appearance. "I thought I had lost you back there."
Suzanna felt the flames of 1000 burning suns call upon her to smite Valentina Victor. She held them back... for now. "You," she rasped, her voice low and menacing.
"I'm hurt, you know. You didn't see me when I first came in; it was quite dramatic..."
Suzanna glared at her.
--
*instant replay*
*instant replay*
--
"Alright, alright," Suzanna seethed, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose gingerly, "But you're also single-handedly responsible for the worst fucking night of my life!" she shrieked.
Valentina's expression became vague. "Oh, right. Well, I thought we could get over that," she replied, beaming excitement. "I knew your hair would be burned, so I brought some scissors and styling product!"
Suzanna winced. "You just don't get it do you?" she said, incredulously.
"Darling, why don't you just get over it? It had to be done! If you weren't so emotional you would have been able to see that!" Valentina retorted, struggling to retaining her composure.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just go turn off my emotions. Obviously, Valentina, not everybody is as as good at being as apathetic as yourself."
Something evil sparked in Valentina's eyes. "You're calling me names? You're just as cold blooded as me and you know it, Suzanna. You're just oblivious to it because your boyfriend was killed. This is a war, and whether you like it or not he was on their side"
"Don't you dare," Suzanna warned.
She let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm just trying to help you! Come back! If it helps I'll promise not to burn your face off next time."
"Get out of my house."
There was a heavy pause as both women viciously stared each other down.
"Fine," she breathed. "I'm obviously not wanted. I'll leave you to your wallowing," she spat and stormed out of the bathroom. The front door slammed and Valentina was gone.
--
Time to visit the family, Valentina mused outside. She didn't care for it much as she dialed her phone. A woman picked up on the second ring.
Valentina addressed her commandingly. "Hello, can you send a car down? … No, thanks." She hung up.
A nondescript car came for her; it was probably the least expensive car they had in the garage. Figures they would send this one for me. She climbed into the car without a word, and it drove off hastily.
--
The car dropped her off in front of the house. She felt nauseous whenever she approached it. While it may have been full of family, they despised her more than some of her enemies did. Reluctantly, she made her way up the long walk to the house.
She strode into the room; it was nice enough, lavish beyond belief. Her two siblings were sitting, talking to each other. Neither seemed remotely perturbed by her presence. Her mother was reading the paper, and didn't bother putting it down to look at Valentina.
"Good afternoon," Valentina said stiffly. Marie still didn't move.
"It says here that 41 Tilton burned down this morning," she remarked.
The pink headed girl cringed, "I’m aware."
"... And Jacob here says that you are responsible," she continued fluidly. "You know what I think about arson, Valentina."
She twitched in anger. "He practically burned it down himself! Were you aware of what he was doing in there?"
"Natalie told me everything," she said smoothly. "You didn't have to burn that building down. I hear our Suzanna got a bit of a scorching as well. Completely unnecessary."
"What?" she screeched, outraged. "He was torturing vampires for fun in there! Starving them half to death and allowing them to go on bloody rampages through the city until he called them back! How could you possibly condone that?"
Marie almost laughed, "Look at you, all morally righteous. I didn't think you cared that much, Valentina."
The pink haired girl was rattled. "You want uncaring? Look at my brother! He's the one you should be punishing! He's about as empathetic towards human beings as a soupcan!"
"Oh, Valentina... Your brother makes me money," she remarked, glancing over at him briefly, "That I can handle." She licked her lips. "You, on the other hand, simply enjoy burning things. You're a liability."
Valentina nearly took a step back, feeling slapped. "Aren't I your liability though?" She anxiously searched for her mother's last scrap of maternal instinct.
Her mother folded her paper in her lap. "Haven't I already told you that you're not anymore?" she questioned, her voice icy.
Valentina lowered her head, "Yes, mother," she replied softly.
"Now, please stop meddling."
The youngest daughter remained silent. Her eyes roved to her siblings; they were quietly looking at her, silently observing but not coming to her aid. Jacob looked quietly pleased with himself.
"Am I to be escorted out?" Valentina said at last.
"Only if you put up a fuss," Marie replied, returning her attention to the news paper. Valentina eyed her carefully. No matter what happened, they would not see her cry. She turned tail and fled the room.
Valentina turned out into the second hall, barely keeping her composure. What harm would another bonfire do? she wondered, Especially one full of these vile people.
She quickly moved towards the fireplace, and removed the bricks from the back of the mantle, exposing the insulation that ran throughout the entire mansion. No better place to set a fire than in a fire place.
A potted plant held the molotov cocktail she had stored. Dexterously, Valentina got out the small bottle and eyed it. Before she could move further there was a presence behind her.
"You don't need to do this," came the even voice of her sister. A hand was on her cocktail arm, gently holding her back in what could easily have been perceived as affection.
"Why the hell not?" Valentina replied fiercely, tears threatening to fall.
Natalie sighed, "Because there are other ways."
Valentina almost laughed. "I've already tried to take them down and it's not worth it! The Company simply cannot be stopped."
"Have you tried everything?" Natalie questioned, her voice intense, "It doesn't take much to slow the momentum of a top-heavy giant if you attack them at the head."
Valentina turned to face her sister -- Natalie smiled a rare smile.
"So we attack them from the head?" Valentina asked, the pieces suddenly falling into place in her head.
"They don't stand a chance against us."
--
Epilogue:
--
It had been three years since Suzanna had most of her skin burned off in a (retrospectively) horribly played rescue attempt. Since then, she had some time to think about what had happened. She had been horribly scarred, and had needed several skin grafts before she started to look normal again.
While her appearance was improving daily before she had undergone surgery, she couldn't go out in public without scaring small children. Eventually she stopped trying to look friendly; she openly scorned people who looked at her funny, and, naturally, was shunned in return. While she enjoyed the privacy, few came by to visit and she was beginning to feel lonely.
She hadn't spoken with the Company in all of that time. They had ruined her life in the end, but they weren't her problem anymore -- nothing was her problem except for getting healthy again.
It was kind of sad. Suzanna was tired. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.
"What are you doing? Meditation? Wow, you really must be losing it."
Her eyes shot open. "Who said that?" she called out. No one answered. She sprung from her chair and looked around cautiously.
"You can't see me. I see how it is. I'll be over here if you need me."
Suzanna couldn't find the source of the voice no matter how hard she looked. Suddenly there was laughter from outside. She banged on the wall.
"What's going on out there?" she yelled. No answer. Oh that's how it is.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Suzanna screamed at the woman. She looked visibly alarmed as the bandaged woman got up in her face.
"Bugging my apartment for a laugh?" She continued menacingly.
"No, no, I swear! I -- I had nothing to do with anything I promise, I was just --" The girl was cut off by a ghostly hand passing right in front of her face. The other hand grabbed Suzanna's.
"Leaving-- Right darling?" The voice addressed Suzanna, before turning to the terrified neighbour. "I'm sorry for the scare, miss. It won't happen again, so long as you don't call the authorities, of course!" he said. Suzanna froze.
With that, she was whisked into the apartment. The culprit responsible for dragging her there seemed more tangible than he was a few moments ago. It must have been a ghost, although he was fairly blurry to Suzanna.
"Honestly, woman, terrorizing people like that... You sound like a crazy cat lady -- except without cats, although that's more like being batshit insane -- ach! Please don't let me get my cat metaphors mixed up..." the voice rambled.
Suzanna wasn't taking any of his shit. "What cat metaphors, you psychotic spook?" she exclaimed. Suddenly it hit her like a half ton of bricks. "Bram?"
"In the spectral flesh," he responded dryly, "At least I think this is flesh. I'm not sure what you would call it -- ectoplasm?" The feeling in Suzanna's chest was beyond comprehension. She looked at the ghost in barely constrained awe. "It would be worth it to see if I bleed green later. You could say that my composition is my disposition at the moment."
Suzanna chuckled at her friend. "And what are we going to do about that?"
He huffed, "I'll figure something out!" Pausing, he licked his spectral lips. "So I take it that campfire at the warehouse made your dermatologist scream?"
Suzanna fiddled with her bandages, "Yeah, I got pretty toasted."
"You didn't run out dramatically or anything like that?"
"It wasn't quite as picturesque as that. I did defeat the bad guy though. Sorta."
The spirit didn't say anything for a second. "So you lost then?" He asked finally.
"Pretty much." She breathed out. Then, beaming, "You want to go out and freak out café goers?"
"Hell to the yes!"
As anticipated, the café completely welcomed them with open arms and gave them complimentary coffee. Not exactly, but they did get an empty table pretty quickly-- and a second seat which nobody could find out who for. Nothing less for the town nut and her imaginary friend.
"You must have really run this town ragged for this kind of service," he mused, smiling.
"Well they started off just being nervous around me, then I say a few bad words about their mothers and -- bam! Social banishment!" Suzanna quipped, taking a triumphant sip of coffee.
He looked at her, slightly perplexed.
"Oh, you're not a freak," he replied, flipping his hand. Suzanna looked at him for a second and they both burst out laughing.
"So says my imaginary friend!" she guffawed.
"Hey, look, our friend is coming to join us," he said, making Suzanna turn.
"What frie--" She stopped, and her smile falling immediately.
"What is she doing here?" Suzanna growled. Bram looked appalled.
"I thought we liked her?" he wondered, looking pensively as the girl in pink darted towards them.
"No, no we don't."
Valentina didn't seem to be aware of Suzanna's glare. "This seat taken?" she asked, already taking it.
"Not for you. Me and my friend are having a stimulating conversation, thank you very much, and don't need you taking up air over here," she snapped.
Valentina gave her a look. "Really? I think you just want to get rid of me. I like your hair cut by the way, very chic."
Suzanna bared her teeth. "I don't know how you got that impression. After what you've done I can't really trust you anymore."
"You do know we're on the same team here, right? I'm not trying to ruin you happy ever after."
Suzanna laughed, "If there is a happy ever after. No, I'm pretty sure you're just after me. Listen: I'm not your pawn, and I want you to kindly fuck off now."
Valentina appeared to be taken aback, and gritted her teeth.
"I have a plan," she said calmly.
Suzanna didn't listen. "You want to get me killed again, don't you? This is some scheme to finish me off, isn't it?" She demanded, her arms waving in the air now.
Valentina's composure was gone now. "I HAVE A PLAN!" she shrieked.
Suzanna stopped. "What is it? You want me to run into another burning building?"
"No," Valentina hissed, "My sister and I are working to take down the company -- for real this time."
"Oh, really, a real plan now? Let’s face it, Valentina: you're just the girl who cried wolf, and I'm not falling for it again."
The other woman held her hand to her forehead. "Look, I know you don't trust me, but I need you. We need you. We can be heroes if we manage to pull this off."
Suzanna inhaled heavily. "I've already tried that whole hero thing, and you know what? It didn't work, because I'm not the hero, I'm just a pawn in your game. I know I don't set the rules; you do. So this is me declining to play."
"Uhh, if I could add something in here?" Bram asked cautiously. Valentina nearly jumped out of her chair.
"Oh my gosh, there's actually something there!?" she shrieked, backing up her chair.
Suzanna snickered. "Didn't I tell you?"
"You crazy bitch, is that Bram?"
"In the ectoplasmic residue," he responded dryly. "I happen to agree with Valentina. Suzanna, you're holding on to far too much anger. You know, my enemy's enemy is my friend? Yeah, that applies here."
Suzanna snorted. "You turn-coat spook. That completely does not apply."
"And why not?"
The bandaged woman stuttered, "Because I said so." She exhaled noisily. "You don't tell me what to do."
Valentina watched the exchange with wide eyes. "You just -- he --" she trailed off.
"You have something to say?" Suzanna barked
Valentina still looked at the spot intently, “Bram, here... appears to be on my side.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to him,” Suzanna retorted. “Ghost, begone!”
“If I can’t tell you what to do, you can’t tell me what to do,” he responded, folding his transparent arms across his body.
“Figures,” Suzanna murmured.
Valentina cleared her throat. “So, can I convince you to trust me, Bram?”
“No,” Suzanna interjected.
“Yes,” Bram said, looking over at Suzanna. “If you’re not going to hurt her, I think I can get on this bandwagon.”
“Traitor,” Suzanna muttered.
Valentina sighed. “I think you just don’t like me.”
“Oh, gee, you can tell now! Amazing!” Suzanna said sarcastically.
“Just because she isn’t charming doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust her. Think of Hitler, woman!”
Valentina glared at him momentarily, then returned her focus to Suzanna, looking at her intently.
Suzanna looked at them both with a persecuted expression, “I have reason to believe that I’m being ganged up on. Isn’t the good team supposed to be a democracy?”
Valentina folded her hands in her lap. “So you do agree that we’re all freedom fighters here?”
“I believe in many things: in bearded gurus, massage therapy, and that we’re all about to get kicked out of the café -- that doesn’t mean I trust you.”
The pink haired girl smiled. “I do have your ghostly other half though. Does that mean we have a deal?”
“If you double cross me, I’m going to tag team haunt your ass with Bram until the end of time. Got it?” she asked, looking down the woman in pink suspiciously.
“You’ve got yourself a deal. I think you’re going to find our next plan very intriguing indeed...”
Current Plot Point: Redemption Quest
Previous Plot Points: The Cake was a Lie, Move Heaven and Earth, Finding Judas, Meet Cute, Mind over Matter
Word Count: 3,000
Picture Count: 21
Custom Content: Legal content? HAH! (I even made some...)
Only after everything was said and done in the warehouse did Suzanna escape. It was actually quite easy to get out, in the end. She wasn't quite sure why she stayed actually; the fire was excruciatingly hot -- it must have been something to do with sentiment. Funny how vampires never caused her that problem before...
All of that for one dead vampire.
She couldn't bear to even think of his name; the pain was still so fresh in her mind. He was gone now though, and she was alone -- well, as alone as she would be at the moment. The crowd was becoming rather restless around her, what with her burn blisters and what not. She would get home and check it out. Some of them seemed genuinely concerned, but she was too numb to care.
---
Everything stung by the time she got home. She staggered into her bathroom and froze at the sight of her reflection. Nope, no skin left, she thought to herself as disbelief began to wash over her. Suzanna fought the uncanny urge to poke the yellow blisters that had begun to bubble to the surface.
The door cracked open behind her, and a certain nasty pink haired girl sauntered in.
"There you are, darling," she said casually, her eyes showing no reaction to her appearance. "I thought I had lost you back there."
Suzanna felt the flames of 1000 burning suns call upon her to smite Valentina Victor. She held them back... for now. "You," she rasped, her voice low and menacing.
"I'm hurt, you know. You didn't see me when I first came in; it was quite dramatic..."
Suzanna glared at her.
--
*instant replay*
*instant replay*
--
"Alright, alright," Suzanna seethed, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose gingerly, "But you're also single-handedly responsible for the worst fucking night of my life!" she shrieked.
Valentina's expression became vague. "Oh, right. Well, I thought we could get over that," she replied, beaming excitement. "I knew your hair would be burned, so I brought some scissors and styling product!"
Suzanna winced. "You just don't get it do you?" she said, incredulously.
"Darling, why don't you just get over it? It had to be done! If you weren't so emotional you would have been able to see that!" Valentina retorted, struggling to retaining her composure.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just go turn off my emotions. Obviously, Valentina, not everybody is as as good at being as apathetic as yourself."
Something evil sparked in Valentina's eyes. "You're calling me names? You're just as cold blooded as me and you know it, Suzanna. You're just oblivious to it because your boyfriend was killed. This is a war, and whether you like it or not he was on their side"
"Don't you dare," Suzanna warned.
She let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm just trying to help you! Come back! If it helps I'll promise not to burn your face off next time."
"Get out of my house."
There was a heavy pause as both women viciously stared each other down.
"Fine," she breathed. "I'm obviously not wanted. I'll leave you to your wallowing," she spat and stormed out of the bathroom. The front door slammed and Valentina was gone.
--
Time to visit the family, Valentina mused outside. She didn't care for it much as she dialed her phone. A woman picked up on the second ring.
Valentina addressed her commandingly. "Hello, can you send a car down? … No, thanks." She hung up.
A nondescript car came for her; it was probably the least expensive car they had in the garage. Figures they would send this one for me. She climbed into the car without a word, and it drove off hastily.
--
The car dropped her off in front of the house. She felt nauseous whenever she approached it. While it may have been full of family, they despised her more than some of her enemies did. Reluctantly, she made her way up the long walk to the house.
She strode into the room; it was nice enough, lavish beyond belief. Her two siblings were sitting, talking to each other. Neither seemed remotely perturbed by her presence. Her mother was reading the paper, and didn't bother putting it down to look at Valentina.
"Good afternoon," Valentina said stiffly. Marie still didn't move.
"It says here that 41 Tilton burned down this morning," she remarked.
The pink headed girl cringed, "I’m aware."
"... And Jacob here says that you are responsible," she continued fluidly. "You know what I think about arson, Valentina."
She twitched in anger. "He practically burned it down himself! Were you aware of what he was doing in there?"
"Natalie told me everything," she said smoothly. "You didn't have to burn that building down. I hear our Suzanna got a bit of a scorching as well. Completely unnecessary."
"What?" she screeched, outraged. "He was torturing vampires for fun in there! Starving them half to death and allowing them to go on bloody rampages through the city until he called them back! How could you possibly condone that?"
Marie almost laughed, "Look at you, all morally righteous. I didn't think you cared that much, Valentina."
The pink haired girl was rattled. "You want uncaring? Look at my brother! He's the one you should be punishing! He's about as empathetic towards human beings as a soupcan!"
"Oh, Valentina... Your brother makes me money," she remarked, glancing over at him briefly, "That I can handle." She licked her lips. "You, on the other hand, simply enjoy burning things. You're a liability."
Valentina nearly took a step back, feeling slapped. "Aren't I your liability though?" She anxiously searched for her mother's last scrap of maternal instinct.
Her mother folded her paper in her lap. "Haven't I already told you that you're not anymore?" she questioned, her voice icy.
Valentina lowered her head, "Yes, mother," she replied softly.
"Now, please stop meddling."
The youngest daughter remained silent. Her eyes roved to her siblings; they were quietly looking at her, silently observing but not coming to her aid. Jacob looked quietly pleased with himself.
"Am I to be escorted out?" Valentina said at last.
"Only if you put up a fuss," Marie replied, returning her attention to the news paper. Valentina eyed her carefully. No matter what happened, they would not see her cry. She turned tail and fled the room.
Valentina turned out into the second hall, barely keeping her composure. What harm would another bonfire do? she wondered, Especially one full of these vile people.
She quickly moved towards the fireplace, and removed the bricks from the back of the mantle, exposing the insulation that ran throughout the entire mansion. No better place to set a fire than in a fire place.
A potted plant held the molotov cocktail she had stored. Dexterously, Valentina got out the small bottle and eyed it. Before she could move further there was a presence behind her.
"You don't need to do this," came the even voice of her sister. A hand was on her cocktail arm, gently holding her back in what could easily have been perceived as affection.
"Why the hell not?" Valentina replied fiercely, tears threatening to fall.
Natalie sighed, "Because there are other ways."
Valentina almost laughed. "I've already tried to take them down and it's not worth it! The Company simply cannot be stopped."
"Have you tried everything?" Natalie questioned, her voice intense, "It doesn't take much to slow the momentum of a top-heavy giant if you attack them at the head."
Valentina turned to face her sister -- Natalie smiled a rare smile.
"So we attack them from the head?" Valentina asked, the pieces suddenly falling into place in her head.
"They don't stand a chance against us."
--
Epilogue:
--
It had been three years since Suzanna had most of her skin burned off in a (retrospectively) horribly played rescue attempt. Since then, she had some time to think about what had happened. She had been horribly scarred, and had needed several skin grafts before she started to look normal again.
While her appearance was improving daily before she had undergone surgery, she couldn't go out in public without scaring small children. Eventually she stopped trying to look friendly; she openly scorned people who looked at her funny, and, naturally, was shunned in return. While she enjoyed the privacy, few came by to visit and she was beginning to feel lonely.
She hadn't spoken with the Company in all of that time. They had ruined her life in the end, but they weren't her problem anymore -- nothing was her problem except for getting healthy again.
It was kind of sad. Suzanna was tired. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.
"What are you doing? Meditation? Wow, you really must be losing it."
Her eyes shot open. "Who said that?" she called out. No one answered. She sprung from her chair and looked around cautiously.
"You can't see me. I see how it is. I'll be over here if you need me."
Suzanna couldn't find the source of the voice no matter how hard she looked. Suddenly there was laughter from outside. She banged on the wall.
"What's going on out there?" she yelled. No answer. Oh that's how it is.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Suzanna screamed at the woman. She looked visibly alarmed as the bandaged woman got up in her face.
"Bugging my apartment for a laugh?" She continued menacingly.
"No, no, I swear! I -- I had nothing to do with anything I promise, I was just --" The girl was cut off by a ghostly hand passing right in front of her face. The other hand grabbed Suzanna's.
"Leaving-- Right darling?" The voice addressed Suzanna, before turning to the terrified neighbour. "I'm sorry for the scare, miss. It won't happen again, so long as you don't call the authorities, of course!" he said. Suzanna froze.
With that, she was whisked into the apartment. The culprit responsible for dragging her there seemed more tangible than he was a few moments ago. It must have been a ghost, although he was fairly blurry to Suzanna.
"Honestly, woman, terrorizing people like that... You sound like a crazy cat lady -- except without cats, although that's more like being batshit insane -- ach! Please don't let me get my cat metaphors mixed up..." the voice rambled.
Suzanna wasn't taking any of his shit. "What cat metaphors, you psychotic spook?" she exclaimed. Suddenly it hit her like a half ton of bricks. "Bram?"
"In the spectral flesh," he responded dryly, "At least I think this is flesh. I'm not sure what you would call it -- ectoplasm?" The feeling in Suzanna's chest was beyond comprehension. She looked at the ghost in barely constrained awe. "It would be worth it to see if I bleed green later. You could say that my composition is my disposition at the moment."
Suzanna chuckled at her friend. "And what are we going to do about that?"
He huffed, "I'll figure something out!" Pausing, he licked his spectral lips. "So I take it that campfire at the warehouse made your dermatologist scream?"
Suzanna fiddled with her bandages, "Yeah, I got pretty toasted."
"You didn't run out dramatically or anything like that?"
"It wasn't quite as picturesque as that. I did defeat the bad guy though. Sorta."
The spirit didn't say anything for a second. "So you lost then?" He asked finally.
"Pretty much." She breathed out. Then, beaming, "You want to go out and freak out café goers?"
"Hell to the yes!"
As anticipated, the café completely welcomed them with open arms and gave them complimentary coffee. Not exactly, but they did get an empty table pretty quickly-- and a second seat which nobody could find out who for. Nothing less for the town nut and her imaginary friend.
"You must have really run this town ragged for this kind of service," he mused, smiling.
"Well they started off just being nervous around me, then I say a few bad words about their mothers and -- bam! Social banishment!" Suzanna quipped, taking a triumphant sip of coffee.
He looked at her, slightly perplexed.
"Oh, you're not a freak," he replied, flipping his hand. Suzanna looked at him for a second and they both burst out laughing.
"So says my imaginary friend!" she guffawed.
"Hey, look, our friend is coming to join us," he said, making Suzanna turn.
"What frie--" She stopped, and her smile falling immediately.
"What is she doing here?" Suzanna growled. Bram looked appalled.
"I thought we liked her?" he wondered, looking pensively as the girl in pink darted towards them.
"No, no we don't."
Valentina didn't seem to be aware of Suzanna's glare. "This seat taken?" she asked, already taking it.
"Not for you. Me and my friend are having a stimulating conversation, thank you very much, and don't need you taking up air over here," she snapped.
Valentina gave her a look. "Really? I think you just want to get rid of me. I like your hair cut by the way, very chic."
Suzanna bared her teeth. "I don't know how you got that impression. After what you've done I can't really trust you anymore."
"You do know we're on the same team here, right? I'm not trying to ruin you happy ever after."
Suzanna laughed, "If there is a happy ever after. No, I'm pretty sure you're just after me. Listen: I'm not your pawn, and I want you to kindly fuck off now."
Valentina appeared to be taken aback, and gritted her teeth.
"I have a plan," she said calmly.
Suzanna didn't listen. "You want to get me killed again, don't you? This is some scheme to finish me off, isn't it?" She demanded, her arms waving in the air now.
Valentina's composure was gone now. "I HAVE A PLAN!" she shrieked.
Suzanna stopped. "What is it? You want me to run into another burning building?"
"No," Valentina hissed, "My sister and I are working to take down the company -- for real this time."
"Oh, really, a real plan now? Let’s face it, Valentina: you're just the girl who cried wolf, and I'm not falling for it again."
The other woman held her hand to her forehead. "Look, I know you don't trust me, but I need you. We need you. We can be heroes if we manage to pull this off."
Suzanna inhaled heavily. "I've already tried that whole hero thing, and you know what? It didn't work, because I'm not the hero, I'm just a pawn in your game. I know I don't set the rules; you do. So this is me declining to play."
"Uhh, if I could add something in here?" Bram asked cautiously. Valentina nearly jumped out of her chair.
"Oh my gosh, there's actually something there!?" she shrieked, backing up her chair.
Suzanna snickered. "Didn't I tell you?"
"You crazy bitch, is that Bram?"
"In the ectoplasmic residue," he responded dryly. "I happen to agree with Valentina. Suzanna, you're holding on to far too much anger. You know, my enemy's enemy is my friend? Yeah, that applies here."
Suzanna snorted. "You turn-coat spook. That completely does not apply."
"And why not?"
The bandaged woman stuttered, "Because I said so." She exhaled noisily. "You don't tell me what to do."
Valentina watched the exchange with wide eyes. "You just -- he --" she trailed off.
"You have something to say?" Suzanna barked
Valentina still looked at the spot intently, “Bram, here... appears to be on my side.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to him,” Suzanna retorted. “Ghost, begone!”
“If I can’t tell you what to do, you can’t tell me what to do,” he responded, folding his transparent arms across his body.
“Figures,” Suzanna murmured.
Valentina cleared her throat. “So, can I convince you to trust me, Bram?”
“No,” Suzanna interjected.
“Yes,” Bram said, looking over at Suzanna. “If you’re not going to hurt her, I think I can get on this bandwagon.”
“Traitor,” Suzanna muttered.
Valentina sighed. “I think you just don’t like me.”
“Oh, gee, you can tell now! Amazing!” Suzanna said sarcastically.
“Just because she isn’t charming doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust her. Think of Hitler, woman!”
Valentina glared at him momentarily, then returned her focus to Suzanna, looking at her intently.
Suzanna looked at them both with a persecuted expression, “I have reason to believe that I’m being ganged up on. Isn’t the good team supposed to be a democracy?”
Valentina folded her hands in her lap. “So you do agree that we’re all freedom fighters here?”
“I believe in many things: in bearded gurus, massage therapy, and that we’re all about to get kicked out of the café -- that doesn’t mean I trust you.”
The pink haired girl smiled. “I do have your ghostly other half though. Does that mean we have a deal?”
“If you double cross me, I’m going to tag team haunt your ass with Bram until the end of time. Got it?” she asked, looking down the woman in pink suspiciously.
“You’ve got yourself a deal. I think you’re going to find our next plan very intriguing indeed...”
Current Plot Point: Redemption Quest
Previous Plot Points: The Cake was a Lie, Move Heaven and Earth, Finding Judas, Meet Cute, Mind over Matter
Word Count: 3,000
Picture Count: 21
Custom Content: Legal content? HAH! (I even made some...)
Test Subject
#330
16th Sep 2012 at 7:42 AM
Posts: 12
Thanks: 131 in 4 Posts
Timing
Quote: Originally posted by missroxor
ETA: Sabri O_O with one minute to go *takes hat off* |
Ha! Yeah, last round it was right on the dot.
#331
17th Sep 2012 at 4:49 PM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27182 in 66 Posts
Oh my God guys! I am SO sorry. My husband was due in on the 15th and I've had his parents here, getting ready for his arrival. Unfortunately, they had some travel issues so the arrival got pushed back 2 days. Which means he will be home this afternoon. I am so excited but admit that I dropped the ball a little on this contest at the end. Anyone who got their entry in, regardless of what minute it was posted will be counted.
~ Tamlyn, you just highlight the quote you would like counted, regardless of which order it was used in. If you want to go back and change it, I won't penalize for that since a) I never answered you in a timely manner and b) you're not changing the words/story, just which quote is highlighted. Also, f words are fine if it fits your story
~ Splad, I know that you're withdrawal was more for time and if you made time, fantastic. We will score you on that. Glad that we could see what happens with Eric!
I am so glad that each and everyone of you have stuck through with this thing. That is a large accomplishment in and of itself. I will be sending notes to the judges for scoring but, please be aware that I might not be getting to tally these up for about a week. I am going to try my damnedest to get them done before then and may enlist help if needed but coming home from a 7 month deployment puts my husband first. I love all y'all and will do everything I can not to keep you waiting too long. I am sorry again for keeping you waiting so far these past 2 days.
~ Tamlyn, you just highlight the quote you would like counted, regardless of which order it was used in. If you want to go back and change it, I won't penalize for that since a) I never answered you in a timely manner and b) you're not changing the words/story, just which quote is highlighted. Also, f words are fine if it fits your story
~ Splad, I know that you're withdrawal was more for time and if you made time, fantastic. We will score you on that. Glad that we could see what happens with Eric!
I am so glad that each and everyone of you have stuck through with this thing. That is a large accomplishment in and of itself. I will be sending notes to the judges for scoring but, please be aware that I might not be getting to tally these up for about a week. I am going to try my damnedest to get them done before then and may enlist help if needed but coming home from a 7 month deployment puts my husband first. I love all y'all and will do everything I can not to keep you waiting too long. I am sorry again for keeping you waiting so far these past 2 days.
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
#332
18th Sep 2012 at 1:44 AM
I think that with all the extensions you gave us, it's only fair that we give you one.
Enjoy spending some time with your husband. My hubby spent some time in the Air Force, and I know what those 6-8 month (or 2 year, once) remotes are like for the family left behind.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
Enjoy spending some time with your husband. My hubby spent some time in the Air Force, and I know what those 6-8 month (or 2 year, once) remotes are like for the family left behind.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#334
18th Sep 2012 at 8:30 AM
Posts: 1,114
Thanks: 255 in 5 Posts
So glad he's finally coming home, Heaven. Take your time.
#335
18th Sep 2012 at 11:59 AM
Posts: 220
Thanks: 39 in 1 Posts
I picked the quote I wanted to underline.
That's a very good reason for disappearing, Heaven. Enjoy your husband
That's a very good reason for disappearing, Heaven. Enjoy your husband
#336
18th Sep 2012 at 11:40 PM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27182 in 66 Posts
Thanks guys! I love your attitude and that you're so forgiving. The judges are working on things and I can assure you we'll do our best not to keep y'all waiting too long!
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
#337
20th Sep 2012 at 12:41 AM
Posts: 835
Thanks: 258 in 4 Posts
Test Subject
#338
23rd Sep 2012 at 1:53 PM
Posts: 25
A great end! After all.... a Hero!
#339
25th Sep 2012 at 2:39 AM
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#340
26th Sep 2012 at 2:43 AM
Posts: 293
One of the judges wanted to know how I did a picture in round 4 and I forgot about it and randomly remembered just now. *sorry*
So I counted to #6 and it's the traffic jam. I hope that's the one you wanted and not the drowning one below.
Traffic Jam: 1st, I made tall but small buildings on a lot and painted the grass with asphalt. Then w/ moveobjects on I placed different cars bunched up to look extra headache inducingly annoying b/c no one understands how to merge when there's a detour I placed a light under the trunk of each car to give a sort of headlights shining on the rear look.
I couldn't remember where the yellow&white barricades were so I used the bike rack painted blue for barricades. Then add nosy spectators, bored police, and an office in only one window to make it look like the buildings aren't actually empty darkness... and voila! Oh and I took it at an upper wide view to get that long feel to it.
Just in case, Drowning: This was just the pool decorated like a ballroom with ppl posed in what normally wouldn't be odd, but add water and an OMSP/tipsy OMSP and suddenly they're drowning. I built a basement next to the pool. By placing Sarah and her bf posed on OMSPs at the basement level I was able to make it look like they were outside of a building looking in. Through the window, the water gives it that wavy look (this doesn't work when actually in the pool oddly enough).
I hope that answers your question. Thanks so much for taking the time to judge all the stories in this fun contest. Your time and effort are very much appreciated.
`
So I counted to #6 and it's the traffic jam. I hope that's the one you wanted and not the drowning one below.
Traffic Jam: 1st, I made tall but small buildings on a lot and painted the grass with asphalt. Then w/ moveobjects on I placed different cars bunched up to look extra headache inducingly annoying b/c no one understands how to merge when there's a detour I placed a light under the trunk of each car to give a sort of headlights shining on the rear look.
I couldn't remember where the yellow&white barricades were so I used the bike rack painted blue for barricades. Then add nosy spectators, bored police, and an office in only one window to make it look like the buildings aren't actually empty darkness... and voila! Oh and I took it at an upper wide view to get that long feel to it.
Just in case, Drowning: This was just the pool decorated like a ballroom with ppl posed in what normally wouldn't be odd, but add water and an OMSP/tipsy OMSP and suddenly they're drowning. I built a basement next to the pool. By placing Sarah and her bf posed on OMSPs at the basement level I was able to make it look like they were outside of a building looking in. Through the window, the water gives it that wavy look (this doesn't work when actually in the pool oddly enough).
I hope that answers your question. Thanks so much for taking the time to judge all the stories in this fun contest. Your time and effort are very much appreciated.
`
#341
27th Sep 2012 at 3:37 AM
Posts: 383
Thanks: 561 in 3 Posts
Very creative, Qnshr5! I was wondering too. Neat stuff!
#342
27th Sep 2012 at 4:15 AM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27182 in 66 Posts
Round 5 Scores
Last scores, last scores, yay!!! I really, really cannot even begin to express how much I appreciate the fact that you all have been so patient about getting thes scores back. Husband’s mom was here for a week, then the husband came home, and then I had to go back to work and work all through the weekend. Am finally getting caught up on EVERYTHING I’ve had lying around waiting.
Remember, if you have an issue with your scores, please come to me instead of disgruntled posts here or trying to PM the judges. The scores are averaged between all 3 judges. Instead of rounding to the nearest half point, scores are just rounded to the first decimal.
Spladoum
I enjoyed reading through Eric's entire journey, and was especially glad to see some semblance of a happy ending for him. I also want to commend you on keeping his character consistent throughout the rounds. He's flawed but he's willing to accept this fact and move on, and I find that wonderful.
I'm glad to see that Eric is back to being a doctor again. The switch from saving Myrna's brother to signing all his papers was a little abrupt and felt rushed but perhaps after so many years of analyzing, just getting back in there and starting someone's heart was all he needed. I'm glad that he got a happy ending though.
Very very good way to end this and wrap it up. It's a realistic kind of "happily every after", I like it. I wasn't sure you used the bonus, which is understandable: our hero is his own worst enemy, isn't he? Other than that, however, I really, really enjoyed that. I hope your scores get counted, actually.
Glad to see ya back, splad! And what an amazing finish you presented! There are some rough areas that didn't seem to fit into the climax puzzle too well, but overall it was very well done!
ReyaD
I have to say, I really like that you added differing viewpoints of the aftermath of Juliette's decision; especially from her daughter. It's also incredibly sad that the deaths of the first generation Orycalcosians - took me a while to spell that out correctly, thank goodness for copy/paste - couldn't be prevented. Not all sunshine and rainbows for this story, but I loved it all the same.
I'm sad that Juliette's story ended so abruptly. I'm interested to find out what happens as we go down the road but all the time skips made for a lot of holes that I would have liked to see filled, especially with Elena disregarding her mother's work to pick up where Liam left off. I feel that Elena herself could really make a wonderful story. Of everything, I think your use of the bonus was fantastic.
The ending was a little predictable but very detailed: I like how you continued beyond Juliette's children to what could be next generation of important players in the struggle between the "Freaks" and the regular humans. Your story is complete. Bravo!
Wow! You really did well with presenting this story! The climax was perfect for this type of situation and I think you handled it very well! There may have been one or two spots that were a little weak, but you soon regained your pace and that's what I really liked!
Ghost_sdoj
Finally Kylara gets to change out of that horrible outfit. It was nice to see Greymane get what was coming to him and for Kylara to come into her own over the course of the story. Go Kylara!
Glad to see that Kylara and Lord Alfric were successful in their attempt. I wish her a happy, very long life. I know that they will have each other but watching all the people they know/love die will get old. It's kind of a bittersweet ending.
Love that last line, it's a great tension breaker. The excerpt was ok, and I felt the bonus was a touch weak, but otherwise the story flowed well and wrapped up nicely, complete with a non-plaid bow. Congratulations, you made it!
I really liked the story, but the only thing I had troubles with was imagining the scene inside of my head, instead of having to read it as a script. Otherwise, I really loved the scenery you displayed! Awesome ending as well!
Viva1994
That was certainly an interesting ending to your story. It's good to see Suzanna and Bram back together in whatever form and I love that despite the circumstances, she is able to still retain her snarky/sarcastic attitude! And that whole lunch scene toward the end was just fantastically written. I hope Suzanna and co. are able to finally take down the company with this new mysterious plan. Just a side note: I had to deduct a point in the rules section due to the rewording of the excerpt.
I didn't really feel any sense of closure to your story. Suzanna was injured and had to heal, the Company was still intact, Valentina was still scheming, and Bram was playing sidekick. It all really came in a circle, back to where we started with no clear resolution to the original problem.
LOVE the visual irony in some of your pictures (Bram's shirt: "The sun is trying to kill me." That made me laugh out loud.) A rule issue, however: the excerpt is completely worded differently. Since it is supposed to be a direct quote of a song, I docked you on that. Otherwise, great conclusion, thank you!
Good work on the entire story line.. but near the end it began to drag and I could no longer connect with the characters. I had to deduct a point in the rules section because you changed your excerpt, which is against the rules. But, the flow of the story was excellent, and you regained yourself at the end which made me really happy!
Qnshr5
Again, your usage of staging is absolutely stunning; especially for a chapter as action packed as this last one. Helena is a fantastic heroine and I want to thank you for writing such an interesting and gripping journey for me/us judges to read. I'm sad to see it end, but I'm absolutely satisfied with the way that it did. Fantastic, fantastic work Qnshr5.
I am blown away by this ending, if you could call it that. You summed everything up, giving us closure but leaving us something to hope for (please make a blog to continue!) with the blue haired woman and the bodiless grave. The action sequences were amazingly portrayed. I couldn't stop reading. Absolutely fantastic job.
What a ride, Qnshr5! Your storytelling is pretty darned tight, well paced, and emotionally engaging. This last chapter didn't disappoint. thank you for pushing through to the end, I'd hate to be left hanging.
HOW FREAKING EPIC! Now that's the kind of story I love! Everything was there: imagery, mood, flow, scenery! Amazing work! Wow!
Tamlyn
I LOVE your usage of the bonus; it is incredibly creative and extremely well written. Seeing Matt and Zoe finally together made me smile and it's nice to know that there are people in her town that are willing to look past what makes her different and instead see what makes her Zoe. Also, she's rocking that new 'do - it had to be said. A wonderful ending to a wonderful story. Great job, Tamlyn.
Fantastic ending. I am proud of Zoe for focusing and putingt the fire out to save Matt and Jill alike, even if Jill was condemned to another, albiet different, fate. I'll hope that there is a love connection between Zoe and Matt and they can go on living happily ever after. Fantastic use of your bonus and excerpt. If the excerpt hadn't been outlined, I'd have thought it as something required because it was used seamlessly.
I thought that was a strong way to finish, Tamlyn. Your use of the bonus scene from Jill's point of view is one of the best uses of that opportunity.
Amazing screenshots and scenery! I am very impressed and I am glad to see your improvement! The ending was extremely original which I loved so much! All together, it was a very well presented story!
Sabri5
Before I get started, the entry form wasn't filled out completely. So much happened this chapter that I'm not sure what to comment on exactly! I will say that I am happy that Samara is back to her old self and able to "start fresh," as she said, as a mortal. I also want to comment that I love your portrayal of sibling/familial/mother-daughter relationships between Elizabeth, Sarah, and Samara. I wasn't entirely sure where you were taking your story when we first started this contest, but it's been a pleasure reading you develop that plot over the course of these five rounds and seeing it morph into something uniquely your own. Great job!
I'm really happy that Samara is able to start fresh. I don't know exactly what this means for Elizabeth but at least she is reconnected with her family and will be able to work on being happy again, even without John Ross.
I'm so sorry your game still isn't cooperating, and I continue to lament your inability to participate fully. However, I do thank you and applaud you for continuing on until the end. Many would have just given up. Slight rule problem, your entry form is incomplete (didn't list the current event)...Bake a cake? Really? Oh when I first read that, I thought "what the..?" I REALLY wanted pics at this point! What a painful ending, though. "If happy ever after did exist" indeed. Well done, Sabri. Thanks again for a wonderful ride.
Very well put together story! Even though it didn't have pictures, I did not have any sort of trouble having it play through my head, which is a great accomplishment. The only thing you forgot was that you did not list the current event in your entry form.
LadyAwesome
I'm so sad to see your last entry without your beautiful pictures, but I completely understand your reasons for submitting without them. However, the story was a little jarring in places and sometimes difficult to decipher what was going on or who was talking to whom and unfortunately, no pictures made that issue a little more noticeable. You were also missing a summary before the start of your story. I will say that the very ending with Lottie and Seth was a great addition and the scene where Ala sacrifices herself was exceptional. I wish she could have had a happier end, but she went out how she wanted to and managed to take down a formidable foe in the process (at least I hope so!). Thanks for the delightful trip through Ala's story, LadyAwesome!
I'm so sad that Ala did not get a happy ever after. However, you did a wonderful job "showing" us your story without pictures. The flow was a little off in places but, overall, you did a wonderful job closing this story out.
Something I haven't realized until I was reading your text without pictures: there's something of Sherrilyn Kenyon in your writing, a poignancy to your caracters and your ideas. It works for her; you might want to hold on to that. Having said that, I did have trouble following the story in some points; I would recommend having someone else read (or re-reading it yourself) before submitting. The confusion made what would otherwise have been a truly poignant ending a little hard to get to. (In other words, it didn't flow very well) Nonetheless, I am grateful that you pushed on and finished, I truly enjoy your stories. The mood was great, your characters are poignant, and the storyline is enjoyable. Thanks for everything!
Aww! Sorry about your game having issues! The imagery was perfect, though! It seems that a story without pictures is easier to imagine than a sotry with pictures! Some of the scenes were a little rough though, and you forgot to include a summary before your story as well, so I had to deduct a point in the rules section. Awesome job, though!
missroxor
You were unfortunately over the word count limit, so a point was lost in the rules section. Jada's father is just... ugh! He definitely got what was coming to him and Jada being the one to finally take him down and expose him for what/who he is was just perfection. I like that you kept your story unique throughout the contest and you managed to wrap up a complex story up beautifully. Two thumbs up!
You horrid little wretch. To survive the gunshot wound and then be suffocated by his father? I almost stopped reading there. We never heard the fate of Olivia but I guess it is safe to assume that she didn't make it either. Such a tear jerker and really not quite what I was hoping for, though I suppose most of these kinds of stories have collateral damage of the very people you loved. Though I wanted a happy ending, the story was amazing.
By far your strongest round, I loved every single second, and couldn't stop reading. Not that your previous chapters were bad, mind you. I think you nailed it. Except for the word count... oops! Thank you so very, very much for participating, for taking the time to craft a really good story.
Awesome, Awesome story! It was so very well put together and presented with fantastic screenshots! The effects were amazing as well! Very nice work, indeed! But, you did go over your word count with your bonus, so I had to deduct a point from the rules section.
Final Scores
Final scores are averaged between all rounds. I will be posting everyone’s scores, even those who, unfortunately, had to withdraw. As you can see, there was a very, very close call between our winner and runner-up.
Congratulations missroxor! And really, congratulations everyone. You all did amazing. For those of you who stuck with it, I am so very proud of you for dedicating yourself to this. I know it hasn’t been easy. I know that most of you have had some kind of computer issues to battle to get through this but you all made it and that is fantastic all on its own. For those of you unable to finish, don’t worry. I don’t hold grudges…for long! Just kidding, I really don’t. I do hope to see all of you around, perhaps participating in the next story contest? *wink wink*
Also, just a little something extra for everyone that participated. Superlatives!!! The judges and I got together and nominated who we thought deserved special recognition in certain categories so without further ado:
Again, congratulations and a job well done to EVERYONE involved!
Last scores, last scores, yay!!! I really, really cannot even begin to express how much I appreciate the fact that you all have been so patient about getting thes scores back. Husband’s mom was here for a week, then the husband came home, and then I had to go back to work and work all through the weekend. Am finally getting caught up on EVERYTHING I’ve had lying around waiting.
Remember, if you have an issue with your scores, please come to me instead of disgruntled posts here or trying to PM the judges. The scores are averaged between all 3 judges. Instead of rounding to the nearest half point, scores are just rounded to the first decimal.
Contestant | Total |
---|---|
Spladoum | 94.3 |
ReyaD | 96.7 |
Ghost_sdoj | 93.7 |
Viva1994 | 93.7 |
Qnshr5 | 103.7 |
Tamlyn | 100.7 |
Sabri5 | 75.0 |
LadyAwesome | 71.3 |
missroxor | 101.7 |
Spladoum
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
42 | 13 | 10 | 10 | 9 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 0 | 96 | 0 | 96 |
42 | 14 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 18 | 4 | 0 | 94 | 0 | 94 |
41 | 14 | 9 | 10 | 8 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 18 | 4 | 0 | 93 | 0 | 93 |
I enjoyed reading through Eric's entire journey, and was especially glad to see some semblance of a happy ending for him. I also want to commend you on keeping his character consistent throughout the rounds. He's flawed but he's willing to accept this fact and move on, and I find that wonderful.
I'm glad to see that Eric is back to being a doctor again. The switch from saving Myrna's brother to signing all his papers was a little abrupt and felt rushed but perhaps after so many years of analyzing, just getting back in there and starting someone's heart was all he needed. I'm glad that he got a happy ending though.
Very very good way to end this and wrap it up. It's a realistic kind of "happily every after", I like it. I wasn't sure you used the bonus, which is understandable: our hero is his own worst enemy, isn't he? Other than that, however, I really, really enjoyed that. I hope your scores get counted, actually.
Glad to see ya back, splad! And what an amazing finish you presented! There are some rough areas that didn't seem to fit into the climax puzzle too well, but overall it was very well done!
ReyaD
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
39 | 13 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 91 | 5 | 96 |
39 | 13 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 28 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 90 | 5 | 95 |
40 | 14 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 94 | 5 | 99 |
I have to say, I really like that you added differing viewpoints of the aftermath of Juliette's decision; especially from her daughter. It's also incredibly sad that the deaths of the first generation Orycalcosians - took me a while to spell that out correctly, thank goodness for copy/paste - couldn't be prevented. Not all sunshine and rainbows for this story, but I loved it all the same.
I'm sad that Juliette's story ended so abruptly. I'm interested to find out what happens as we go down the road but all the time skips made for a lot of holes that I would have liked to see filled, especially with Elena disregarding her mother's work to pick up where Liam left off. I feel that Elena herself could really make a wonderful story. Of everything, I think your use of the bonus was fantastic.
The ending was a little predictable but very detailed: I like how you continued beyond Juliette's children to what could be next generation of important players in the struggle between the "Freaks" and the regular humans. Your story is complete. Bravo!
Wow! You really did well with presenting this story! The climax was perfect for this type of situation and I think you handled it very well! There may have been one or two spots that were a little weak, but you soon regained your pace and that's what I really liked!
Ghost_sdoj
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
40 | 15 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 28 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 91 | 3 | 94 |
40 | 14 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 26 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 19 | 4 | 1 | 90 | 3 | 93 |
42 | 14 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 27 | 10 | 7 | 10 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 92 | 2 | 94 |
Finally Kylara gets to change out of that horrible outfit. It was nice to see Greymane get what was coming to him and for Kylara to come into her own over the course of the story. Go Kylara!
Glad to see that Kylara and Lord Alfric were successful in their attempt. I wish her a happy, very long life. I know that they will have each other but watching all the people they know/love die will get old. It's kind of a bittersweet ending.
Love that last line, it's a great tension breaker. The excerpt was ok, and I felt the bonus was a touch weak, but otherwise the story flowed well and wrapped up nicely, complete with a non-plaid bow. Congratulations, you made it!
I really liked the story, but the only thing I had troubles with was imagining the scene inside of my head, instead of having to read it as a script. Otherwise, I really loved the scenery you displayed! Awesome ending as well!
Viva1994
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
38 | 14 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 18 | 3 | 0 | 88 | 4 | 92 |
43 | 15 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 10 | 9 | 19 | 3 | 0 | 94 | 4 | 98 |
36 | 13 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 27 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 20 | 3 | 0 | 86 | 5 | 91 |
That was certainly an interesting ending to your story. It's good to see Suzanna and Bram back together in whatever form and I love that despite the circumstances, she is able to still retain her snarky/sarcastic attitude! And that whole lunch scene toward the end was just fantastically written. I hope Suzanna and co. are able to finally take down the company with this new mysterious plan. Just a side note: I had to deduct a point in the rules section due to the rewording of the excerpt.
I didn't really feel any sense of closure to your story. Suzanna was injured and had to heal, the Company was still intact, Valentina was still scheming, and Bram was playing sidekick. It all really came in a circle, back to where we started with no clear resolution to the original problem.
LOVE the visual irony in some of your pictures (Bram's shirt: "The sun is trying to kill me." That made me laugh out loud.) A rule issue, however: the excerpt is completely worded differently. Since it is supposed to be a direct quote of a song, I docked you on that. Otherwise, great conclusion, thank you!
Good work on the entire story line.. but near the end it began to drag and I could no longer connect with the characters. I had to deduct a point in the rules section because you changed your excerpt, which is against the rules. But, the flow of the story was excellent, and you regained yourself at the end which made me really happy!
Qnshr5
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 100 | 5 | 105 |
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 29 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 99 | 4 | 103 |
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 1 | 98 | 5 | 103 |
Again, your usage of staging is absolutely stunning; especially for a chapter as action packed as this last one. Helena is a fantastic heroine and I want to thank you for writing such an interesting and gripping journey for me/us judges to read. I'm sad to see it end, but I'm absolutely satisfied with the way that it did. Fantastic, fantastic work Qnshr5.
I am blown away by this ending, if you could call it that. You summed everything up, giving us closure but leaving us something to hope for (please make a blog to continue!) with the blue haired woman and the bodiless grave. The action sequences were amazingly portrayed. I couldn't stop reading. Absolutely fantastic job.
What a ride, Qnshr5! Your storytelling is pretty darned tight, well paced, and emotionally engaging. This last chapter didn't disappoint. thank you for pushing through to the end, I'd hate to be left hanging.
HOW FREAKING EPIC! Now that's the kind of story I love! Everything was there: imagery, mood, flow, scenery! Amazing work! Wow!
Tamlyn
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 1 | 99 | 5 | 104 |
38 | 14 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 20 | 3 | 1 | 91 | 5 | 96 |
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 16 | 4 | 1 | 96 | 5 | 101 |
I LOVE your usage of the bonus; it is incredibly creative and extremely well written. Seeing Matt and Zoe finally together made me smile and it's nice to know that there are people in her town that are willing to look past what makes her different and instead see what makes her Zoe. Also, she's rocking that new 'do - it had to be said. A wonderful ending to a wonderful story. Great job, Tamlyn.
Fantastic ending. I am proud of Zoe for focusing and putingt the fire out to save Matt and Jill alike, even if Jill was condemned to another, albiet different, fate. I'll hope that there is a love connection between Zoe and Matt and they can go on living happily ever after. Fantastic use of your bonus and excerpt. If the excerpt hadn't been outlined, I'd have thought it as something required because it was used seamlessly.
I thought that was a strong way to finish, Tamlyn. Your use of the bonus scene from Jill's point of view is one of the best uses of that opportunity.
Amazing screenshots and scenery! I am very impressed and I am glad to see your improvement! The ending was extremely original which I loved so much! All together, it was a very well presented story!
Sabri5
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
40 | 13 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 17 | 3 | 1 | 70 | 4 | 74 |
41 | 14 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 0 | 18 | 3 | 1 | 71 | 5 | 76 |
39 | 14 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 18 | 3 | 1 | 70 | 5 | 75 |
Before I get started, the entry form wasn't filled out completely. So much happened this chapter that I'm not sure what to comment on exactly! I will say that I am happy that Samara is back to her old self and able to "start fresh," as she said, as a mortal. I also want to comment that I love your portrayal of sibling/familial/mother-daughter relationships between Elizabeth, Sarah, and Samara. I wasn't entirely sure where you were taking your story when we first started this contest, but it's been a pleasure reading you develop that plot over the course of these five rounds and seeing it morph into something uniquely your own. Great job!
I'm really happy that Samara is able to start fresh. I don't know exactly what this means for Elizabeth but at least she is reconnected with her family and will be able to work on being happy again, even without John Ross.
I'm so sorry your game still isn't cooperating, and I continue to lament your inability to participate fully. However, I do thank you and applaud you for continuing on until the end. Many would have just given up. Slight rule problem, your entry form is incomplete (didn't list the current event)...Bake a cake? Really? Oh when I first read that, I thought "what the..?" I REALLY wanted pics at this point! What a painful ending, though. "If happy ever after did exist" indeed. Well done, Sabri. Thanks again for a wonderful ride.
Very well put together story! Even though it didn't have pictures, I did not have any sort of trouble having it play through my head, which is a great accomplishment. The only thing you forgot was that you did not list the current event in your entry form.
LadyAwesome
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
40 | 13 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 17 | 3 | 1 | 70 | 4 | 74 |
41 | 14 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 0 | 18 | 3 | 1 | 71 | 5 | 76 |
39 | 14 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 18 | 3 | 1 | 70 | 5 | 75 |
I'm so sad to see your last entry without your beautiful pictures, but I completely understand your reasons for submitting without them. However, the story was a little jarring in places and sometimes difficult to decipher what was going on or who was talking to whom and unfortunately, no pictures made that issue a little more noticeable. You were also missing a summary before the start of your story. I will say that the very ending with Lottie and Seth was a great addition and the scene where Ala sacrifices herself was exceptional. I wish she could have had a happier end, but she went out how she wanted to and managed to take down a formidable foe in the process (at least I hope so!). Thanks for the delightful trip through Ala's story, LadyAwesome!
I'm so sad that Ala did not get a happy ever after. However, you did a wonderful job "showing" us your story without pictures. The flow was a little off in places but, overall, you did a wonderful job closing this story out.
Something I haven't realized until I was reading your text without pictures: there's something of Sherrilyn Kenyon in your writing, a poignancy to your caracters and your ideas. It works for her; you might want to hold on to that. Having said that, I did have trouble following the story in some points; I would recommend having someone else read (or re-reading it yourself) before submitting. The confusion made what would otherwise have been a truly poignant ending a little hard to get to. (In other words, it didn't flow very well) Nonetheless, I am grateful that you pushed on and finished, I truly enjoy your stories. The mood was great, your characters are poignant, and the storyline is enjoyable. Thanks for everything!
Aww! Sorry about your game having issues! The imagery was perfect, though! It seems that a story without pictures is easier to imagine than a sotry with pictures! Some of the scenes were a little rough though, and you forgot to include a summary before your story as well, so I had to deduct a point in the rules section. Awesome job, though!
missroxor
CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 3 | 0 | 98 | 5 | 103 |
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 0 | 99 | 4 | 103 |
45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 3 | 0 | 98 | 4 | 102 |
You were unfortunately over the word count limit, so a point was lost in the rules section. Jada's father is just... ugh! He definitely got what was coming to him and Jada being the one to finally take him down and expose him for what/who he is was just perfection. I like that you kept your story unique throughout the contest and you managed to wrap up a complex story up beautifully. Two thumbs up!
You horrid little wretch. To survive the gunshot wound and then be suffocated by his father? I almost stopped reading there. We never heard the fate of Olivia but I guess it is safe to assume that she didn't make it either. Such a tear jerker and really not quite what I was hoping for, though I suppose most of these kinds of stories have collateral damage of the very people you loved. Though I wanted a happy ending, the story was amazing.
By far your strongest round, I loved every single second, and couldn't stop reading. Not that your previous chapters were bad, mind you. I think you nailed it. Except for the word count... oops! Thank you so very, very much for participating, for taking the time to craft a really good story.
Awesome, Awesome story! It was so very well put together and presented with fantastic screenshots! The effects were amazing as well! Very nice work, indeed! But, you did go over your word count with your bonus, so I had to deduct a point from the rules section.
Final Scores
Final scores are averaged between all rounds. I will be posting everyone’s scores, even those who, unfortunately, had to withdraw. As you can see, there was a very, very close call between our winner and runner-up.
Contestant | Total |
---|---|
Spladoum | 94.8 |
ReyaD | 96.5 |
ForeverCamp | 38.1 |
Melibee1323 | 36.6 |
Ghost_sdoj | 92.9 |
Viva1994 | 92.6 |
Qnshr5 | 100.4 |
Waterjay | 19.5 |
Tamlyn | 99.7 |
Sabri5 | 86.2 |
Prawler | 36.6 |
Buckley | 19.8 |
LadyAwesome | 90.8 |
missroxor | 100.9 |
Congratulations missroxor! And really, congratulations everyone. You all did amazing. For those of you who stuck with it, I am so very proud of you for dedicating yourself to this. I know it hasn’t been easy. I know that most of you have had some kind of computer issues to battle to get through this but you all made it and that is fantastic all on its own. For those of you unable to finish, don’t worry. I don’t hold grudges…for long! Just kidding, I really don’t. I do hope to see all of you around, perhaps participating in the next story contest? *wink wink*
Also, just a little something extra for everyone that participated. Superlatives!!! The judges and I got together and nominated who we thought deserved special recognition in certain categories so without further ado:
- Best Heroine – Qnshr5
- Best Villian – ReyaD
- Most Improved – Ghostsdoj
- Best Photos – Tamlyn
- Best Moment of Redemption – Viva1994 for Valentina
- Most Realistic Characters – Spladoum
- Best Plot Twists – Missroxor
- Most Stubborn – Sabri5
- Most Ambitious Plot – LadyAwesome
- Most Promising Start – Melibee1323
- Best Unresolved Cliffhanger – ForeverCamp
- Most Puzzling Character We Want to Know More About – Waterjay
- Best Use of Words – Buckley
- Best Set We Didn’t See Enough Of – Prawler
Again, congratulations and a job well done to EVERYONE involved!
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
#343
27th Sep 2012 at 4:31 AM
Posts: 1,114
Thanks: 255 in 5 Posts
Congrats everyone! I'm so impressed by how many people finished all 5 rounds, and I LOVED reading all the stories. I really hope a few of you will continue the story after the contest, since that is EXACTLY what I'm doing.
The story of Dawn and Erisia will be continued in Project: Orycalcos.
I have the first chapter almost done, and I'm looking forward to doing a non-legacy story for once. Hope you guys will read.
The story of Dawn and Erisia will be continued in Project: Orycalcos.
I have the first chapter almost done, and I'm looking forward to doing a non-legacy story for once. Hope you guys will read.
#344
27th Sep 2012 at 4:45 AM
Hey, I got the plot twister award in the first story contest too ...sadly enough I think I'm good at plot twists for the same reason I win at poker; I'm so clueless as to WTH I'm doing most of the time that nobody else is able to predict what my next call is gonna be anymore than I can!
Anyway, congrats to all who made it through to the end and hope those that didn't join the next one (you said it heaven so now it has to happen!! )
Also, a great big thanks to all the judges and heaven! It was probably just as big a job for you guys as it was for us, thanks for sticking it out and giving lots of really well thought out and useful feedback
Right, I need to finish reading all of these now before the thread's closed!
Anyway, congrats to all who made it through to the end and hope those that didn't join the next one (you said it heaven so now it has to happen!! )
Also, a great big thanks to all the judges and heaven! It was probably just as big a job for you guys as it was for us, thanks for sticking it out and giving lots of really well thought out and useful feedback
Right, I need to finish reading all of these now before the thread's closed!
#345
27th Sep 2012 at 5:44 AM
Well - I just wanted to give everyone a big congratulations for finishing/participating/having the guts to put your story forth for judging.
It's been fun!
It's been fun!
#346
27th Sep 2012 at 11:18 AM
Congratulations everyone! This was such a fun contest to judge because I love to see all of your creativy in different genres! I am so impressed by the great amount of plots and talent that you all possess! Even in the rough spots, you all were able to manage and kept putting forth all of your creative strength! You are all wonderful writers and I hope to see more from you all some day!
It has been very fun to judge.. and yes heaven.. I would love to see another story contest one day
-SeeMyu
Formally SeeMyu | Retired Mod
It has been very fun to judge.. and yes heaven.. I would love to see another story contest one day
-SeeMyu
Formally SeeMyu | Retired Mod
#347
27th Sep 2012 at 12:20 PM
Posts: 220
Thanks: 39 in 1 Posts
Thanks everyone for the stories! I'm so glad so many people managed to finish (even though some had to go without pictures!). Thanks so much Heaven for hosting and to all the lovely judges for judging
#348
27th Sep 2012 at 8:07 PM
Congratulations, Splad! And thank you for a fun contest, Heaven. (Now get back to your husband!)
And thank you to all the judges. I appreciated your feedback. I've enjoyed everyone's stories. I would also like to see another storytelling contest.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
And thank you to all the judges. I appreciated your feedback. I've enjoyed everyone's stories. I would also like to see another storytelling contest.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#349
28th Sep 2012 at 1:45 AM
Posts: 22
It's been wonderful being in this! Everybody really did an awesome job and I supremely enjoyed being in the fold. I will most definitely try to make it into the next cycle... What a ride!
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