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Instructor
#51 Old 11th Dec 2011 at 3:46 PM
Quote: Originally posted by DigitalSympathies
Every time I try to eat something I feel insanely ashamed of myself . . . I can't look myself in the damn mirror unless I'm doing something like brushing my hair, and even then. All because of my damn mother and that walk last year. I can't eat in front of my dad at all, I have to stall and then go to my room. I don't know what's wrong with me.


Is there someone you can talk to about this? It sounds like you may need to speak to a school counselor or a licensed therapist.

I am sure you are a lovely person. Do not allow your fears and negatve opinion of others to control you.
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Mad Poster
#52 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 2:08 AM Last edited by KKiryu007Joker : 12th Dec 2011 at 8:04 AM.
Today I felt like walking to the store, and went I get there, that creep who looks like Fester appears. He's this ugly guy who lives next door, and was arrested for 'unknowingly' dating teens off the internet once, and tried to hide some people that violated probation inside his house. Anyway he comes up and behind me on a bicycle, and says some crap like, "Hey you take walks, you do! Why do you do that?!", and then goes off. When I get back home, I see one of my previously normal cats walking about weirdly, and I look at it trying to act normal with a suddenly broken leg (its hip was crushed...), and it's just so terrible. I suspect that creep Fester did it. But there's just too many people that live there, that could have easily done it, or it got ran over, accidents happened etc. I don't think its leg can be fixed. Every single animal dies eventually I guess. I hate when cats get sick or get harmed, because they try or want to be normal, but then I know they know it's over. They're just like humans I guess, they can be healthy, they can be on tv, they can be gay, they can be sad, fall ill, care for their children, leave their children, but they're also not really in control of anything, too, I guess. I think I'm depressed now, I guess... pretty much cried writing this earlier.. (Thank you VerDeTerre. I think it could live. I hope it can.)

I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT.
Mad Poster
#53 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 3:44 AM
KKiryu007Joker, that is horrifying. I'm so sorry about your cat. I know you can't prove anything, but I wonder if it would do any good to just talk to the police and tell them your suspicions. What you described as happened to your cat is very very strange. Crushed? Are you sure? Did you have him checked out by a vet? I know it's expensive, and there's probably nothing you'd be able to do to help him anyway. It's just very odd. Cat's don't just get crushed hips. I wonder if he was hit by a car? The police probably can't do anything either, but having reports, in case anything else happens, can lay a foundation for a future case.

Your cat just got an injury. I'm thinking there's things you need to keep an eye out for at this point: shock or infection. I hope it'll be ok. I know of cats who managed with broken limbs, but you have to get past the healing process first.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
#54 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 7:31 AM
Quote: Originally posted by SimsLover50
Is there someone you can talk to about this? It sounds like you may need to speak to a school counselor or a licensed therapist.

I am sure you are a lovely person. Do not allow your fears and negatve opinion of others to control you.


I'm a secondary school dropout, I moved around a lot as a kid because both my parents were foreign relations workers for the UN and wherever they wanted us, we had to be. My mother brought me up constantly insulting my appearance so one night I had had enough and left to live with my Dad on the other side of the world. We're well-off, sure, and I run my own little business building and repairing computers with my neighbour, but whenever I need to eat or do something like put on makeup before going out I have to do it in private or I get all red-faced and I feel ashamed about it. When I was in school I had a horrible time because of my accent (I'm dually Canadian-American but when I was a small child I lived in South Korea and then in France, so I know many languages and my voice is very odd to place) and even though I was usually enrolled in "the best of the best" for schooling, everyone hated me. I had very few friends and the administrators usually were hard on me for no reason. I hated school. When I lived in Australia, my friends and I were sitting in the courtyard during break eating lunch (we had to eat one of five disgusting lifeless meals so we usually snuck our own sweets and drinks in our bags, hence not eating in the main kitchens) with a boombox plugged into an outlet in the wall. It was mine from when I lived in Toronto, very expensive, and it had an adapter on it - so when the headmistress stormed out of her office overlooking the courtyard screaming at us and she tugged on the plug - not knowing it was duct taped into my adapter - and broke it, and then I got suspended for blasting music and not having the same lunch as everyone else. I've never been thin at all and living in countries such as Korea and parts of Africa where I was a minority really changed my perception of "normal" size. I was adopted out of Germany as a baby and my dad always joked that it was in my blood to pack on the pounds and that really got to me. I can't talk to him about it at all because he's constantly at work, and my mother expressly said to my face she hates me and can't stand the sight of me. After my parents got divorced (thank God) my dad's been seeing this thin, blonde, posh bitch who constantly makes slights at me for my "groggy appearance" and I've heard her many times calling me a slag because I was constantly in my basement with my friend working on computers to sell. I just have no confidence at all and it gets to me.


Angie/DS | Baby Sterling - 24/2/2014
This account is mostly used by my sons to download CC now, if you see me active, it's probably just them!
Scholar
#55 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 9:05 AM
@DigitalSympathies my grandma used to feel sorry for us grandkids because Irish and German were most in us. "I feel sorry for you kids, you probably can't decide whether to fight or take over." My grandfather is Irish, and was at one time sent to the orphanage for many years because he wasn't being the perfect son... I mentioned that somewhere on this forum before. For all that is going on, you got to remeber how lucky you are. You said your well off, so you don't have ot worry about money. You got to travel around the world, and well I can hardly make a trip 100 miles away.

Also I say hell with your dads hoochi, I doubt love has anything to do with their relationship.

About your accent, apperntly you have not been to the United States much. we all talk differntly and that's the fun to life. It's boring when a person just speaks clearly. A persons talk is their personality. If anyone hates it f- them.

Disclaimer: I am just being a goof ball, please ignore me if offended.
Mad Poster
#56 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 9:39 AM
I think the fact that you (Digital Sympathies) can fix computers and know many different languages proves you are at least definitely intelligent. That bimbo woman is even ridiculing you for having a job, which you are able to focus on and make money of off. You shouldn't even consider her worthy of thought, because she is simply a troll. I wonder what your father thinks about her? Your dad may not even know much of her personality if he works all the time, and she puts on an act for him. You need to think positively about yourself, and remember your abilities, while being above her pettiness. Perhaps your father gets women that have a similar personality, so he may divorce her eventually. Makeup and food is your business, and you wear and eat what you want to, as it is an expression of you, not people like your dad's girlfriend or your mom. That mom must have been terrible to inflict trauma on you like that.

I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT.
Mad Poster
#57 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 10:52 AM
I don't know where to start and don't really have the time to address this properly because I need to get ready for work, but Digital...that's beyond belief. I can't even imagine what it's like to grow up with so many negative messages about yourself from the very people who would have given you your first sense of self. Children reflect themselves in their parents eyes. Your parents did not behave as parents should. Now you have one of the hardest tasks ahead of you - you have to raise yourself. Even though you're grown up, you still have to go back over your years and recognize the mistakes and wrongs of your parents and replace their crazy messages with the ones you should have been hearing, the ones that affirm you as a worthwhile human being. The fact that you can write about it and recognize that it's wrong tells me that you have strength.

It's a hard job, Digital. It helps if you can find others around you who can support you by giving you better messages about yourself. You need friends and acquaintances who can see what's good about you and share that with you. You'll also need someone or several someones to talk to about all this. The online community is here, of course, but we can't offer as much as the people who know you and see you face to face. But still, we are here, so please reach out when you need us.

The messages I suggested you tell yourself in my earlier post still apply: You are a beautiful and worthwhile human being. You have much to offer. Eating will keep you alive. Living is good. Seek balance. Eat to stay healthy and alive.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Scholar
#58 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 5:48 PM
No good deed goes unpunished, firm and true. I was nice enough to help a friend pay her bills since she's on hard times (and other reasons as well-all I will say is you respect the promices made to those who passed bad luck if you don't). However, does she respect I have my own bills? Nope, not in the least. I tell her that I can afford to help her with 300 a month. You know how much she takes 475, you know how much my account is in the negitive now -100, you know how much my other bill is that has to be payed soon, 130. It's no like I didn't tell her about these loans, she just convently "forgot". What do I get, a shotty laptop that's on the verge of dying, what she got, a new lap top, up to date Ipod, just bought the new zelda game, and you know constantly buys food when I can't afford crap for myself. So hopefully this rain stops soon so I can take off across town to my back depsoit the hundred dollar tip I was saving FOR RENT! :screams: Does she ever thank me for helping her? Nope she likes calling me slave, and "my niggar". Best yet I rent a room from her family and I have to hide the fact I am the one paying her bills. I hate to bad mouth people, but I am tired and exausted. I would like a new MP3 player, I would love to try out the Korean BBQ across teh street, HELL I would love to eat anything not frozen and under a dollar. I would like to afford a new games, or dvds. But my kindness has come to bite me in the ass. -sigh-


Screw waiting for the rain to stop should run to the bank before I get hungry.

Disclaimer: I am just being a goof ball, please ignore me if offended.
Mad Poster
#59 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 8:25 PM
Sounds like you need to stop paying her bills. I've noticed it myself that when I help out a friend with money, that friend manages to live better than I do. So, I don't do it anymore. Well, not completely. I'll do something once or twice but only to an amount that doesn't hurt me and that I'm comfortable with. Lots of people, if they get money regularly, will come to depend on it and spend that amount on a regular basis.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
#60 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 8:57 PM
Drowning Fishy, that woman is a leech. She does not need your money and she is not really your friend. Can't you avoid her? I guess you sound trapped with her right now, so I'm not sure what you can do, exactly. She shouldn't legally have a right to your money, yet she's stealing it.

I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT.
Mad Poster
#61 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 9:07 PM
Thanks so much guys. It's hard. I've been depressed for many a year, and in response to DrowningFishy's post, I was originally adopted into a small town in Northwest Washington State but soon after we were sent to a dingy area of South Korea for missions work. That's how we got my little sister. My parents never maltreated my sister or brother (from France), but I have noticed that my mother's turned into something of a party animal without me there to keep her straight-and-narrowed. My siblings are suffering and I really hope they can permanently live with us one day so I can take care of them. I've always been pretty mature (I could read and comprehend Stephen King by the time I was seven or eight) but for the most part I was left to do my own thing. I had a pretty good childhood up until I became a teenager, when we moved into a highrise in Toronto and I had to share my room with four other people, two of them being foster kids (which I'm not sure is entirely legal). I'm scared to death of heights and living in a highrise never helped, but all of a sudden they just seemed deaf and blind to me.

That walk I was talking about was when I went out with my friend/neighbour for a walk one night. Going up a hill I started to have trouble breathing. It was very dusty out and all of a sudden my heart started beating really fast so I went home and my mother started screaming at me and calling me every name under the sun, and wouldn't even give me an inhaler (I have asthma during the summer months) so I found it, took it, then packed up, called my dad, arranged everything and left in between the span between New Year's and Spring Break for the Northern Hemisphere. Got into a school there and everything was fine. School was old, boring and everyone again hated on my accent and called me names I didn't understand until later (one of them I did understand was "dirty immigrant") so after a while I just took my talents with computers, left school, and with my dad's approval we converted our basement into a computer repairs shop so I could make some money and do something with my life.

How do I replace the negative thoughts? I'm a borderline pessimist sometimes . . . more like a realist. I've stopped feeling much emotion over anything about the same time I got here. I forgot to mention that yeah, this broad does put on a show but every time I try to talk to my dad about it he's either too tired, about to go back to work, or banging her. Every time I try to talk to HER she puts a hand over my mouth ever-so-slightly and goes "nn nn nnnn nnn nnn you didn't ask permission to speak, lovely," and sparkles off to some other place in the house. I hate her so much. I don't really have many options though except for to weather it out until I'm old enough to find my own place where I want to live.


Angie/DS | Baby Sterling - 24/2/2014
This account is mostly used by my sons to download CC now, if you see me active, it's probably just them!
Mad Poster
#62 Old 12th Dec 2011 at 9:39 PM
Hi Digital. I think you're right, you'll just have to hold it together until you can move out. You do sound very very strong. Given your situation, it's a good thing. It means you will survive.

How to overcome the negative thoughts? You say you are a realist, but you have to realize that how we feel about things depends on our perspective. Replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts takes time and patience just like any habit you might try to change. If you've been thinking that way for a long time, it will take some work to change. It helps if you can be around positive people.

You just need to find ways to maintain your own peace of mind and to feel good about yourself. That your parents are quite flawed is obvious. You'll have to look elsewhere for good role models when it comes to being a parent or an adult or caring and loving. This actually puts you in a good position to make choices instead of being sold a bill of goods. You get to decide what's good and right. Whoever you deal with in this life, whether friends, family, or acquaintances, will reap the benefits of your conscious choices.

In your case, you're going to have to examine your parents attitudes and actions frequently. Try to forgive them as they are fallible humans who have their own issues to deal with. If they didn't have issues, they would have been better parents. If you hold them accountable, you are likely to build up resentment that will only upset you more and lead to more negative thoughts. You will need to look at yourself honestly and recognize (and I do mean recognize) that you are a worthy human with much to offer. Look at yourself in a loving way. You deserve love and are certainly capable of giving to others. Loving others is what makes our lives bearable, meaningful, and worth living. You obviously care about your siblings. I'm not saying you should feel responsible for them, because you can only take on responsibility for another when you are in a position to do so, but you care about them and that alone speaks volumes. This love you have is what makes you beautiful. Physical beauty is fleeting and without a good stout heart behind it is unsatisfying. Worthy, loving people find good relationships with others.

In your shoes, I would step away from the whole thing with your father's girlfriend. That's a tough relationship by definition. I should know, I'm in that position now. It's strange and stressful to come into a family that you did not create nor help influence in any way. I know it's hard on you because she's always there and has your father's attention. You can't do anything about that. Anything you did try would only backfire, so try to accept that this is just the way it is. I would probably try to just stay clear of her and keep the peace as much as possible while working on your relationship with your dad. A relationship with her may never be possible, but who knows? Maybe with time she'll calm down and would consider getting to know you as a person. Just don't count on it. Remember that hate takes a lot of energy. It's healthier to not let that emotion poison you.

Do good things for yourself. I am serious about seeking balance. That would mean a balanced life style where you include time for relaxation, socializing, exercise, and enrichment (studying or pursuing a hobby), as well as work. Make sure you get enough sleep. Keep your diet balanced as well with healthy stuff. Drink plenty of water to keep your body hydrated and able to fend off germs. Taking care of yourself in this way will help you to have a more positive outlook overall and help you to tolerate things that don't go as well.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Instructor
#63 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 12:20 AM
Quote: Originally posted by DrowningFishy
No good deed goes unpunished, firm and true. I was nice enough to help a friend pay her bills since she's on hard times (and other reasons as well-all.


Wow! DrowningFishy- that was very kind of you to help her pay her bills. You seem like a very generous person.

I guess the only advice I can give is have a frank talk with her. If she owes you money, she should be by no means buy luxury items I would also not give her anymore...She sounds like she's stealing and ripping you off, and I would also start asking her for a payment plan for her paying it back.

My policy with lending friends and relatives money is to get a post dated check for the amount they owe, and not give them large amounts. I find that when I lend people money I am forever asking for it back, so getting them to sign and hand me over a check for say.. Next month after payday, eliminates the need to nag.
Mad Poster
#64 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 1:17 AM
Quote: Originally posted by VerDeTerre
/cut/


Thanks a lot, Ver. Call me Angie or Angela. I doubt a relationship with this woman (I don't even know her first name, that's how often we talk) will ever come to be, mainly because she's very caught up in herself. She's made no effort to provide any sort of emotional stability for my dad, and encourages him to do all the wrong things - get drunk, get laid and ignore me. I usually just am in the basement with my neighbour Felix - he's not perfect but he's nice enough - working on computers. That and machinima are the only reasons I get up in the morning - but then again, I usually get up around noon and go to bed at 2. I'm not a morning person, especially if that means watching my dad and "her" make lovey-eyes at each other every morning. She's talking marriage already and I already told my dad that if he marries her, I'd rather live with my mother.

I don't blame them for being so bad to me, we weren't always well-off - actually, it was only very recently after my dad's promotion to a position in Melbourne that we started making serious dough - and I do know both of them struggled with alcohol and prescription addiction when I was little, and we did move around a lot so the culture shock of moving from Sequim to Yeoncheon to Clichy-sous-Bois to Kelowna to Toronto to Melbourne to London to the small, not-even-on-the-maps borough of Stepney really took a toll on all of us. I'm a born people-watcher and I do want to be a psychologist if I get my diploma equivalent somewhere down the road.

I feel responsible for the safety of my siblings because nobody else has really assumed that responsibility and followed it through. I love them a lot and I feel that if they were to stay here with me, they'd be far better off. I was like a mother figure to them, as well as our fosters when we had them.

I'm terrible at exercise, when I get started I start feeling like I can't breathe. I drink a lot of water which is good, and my hobby is machinima - I'm very skilled at it. Social stuff never really was my thing, most people don't want to hang out with me because I'm too wordy and I'm not really into anything people my age (sixteen) are into. I mean, who do you know likes to read National Geographic and watch Minute Physics and talk about RAM pin numbers? . . . Yeah.


Angie/DS | Baby Sterling - 24/2/2014
This account is mostly used by my sons to download CC now, if you see me active, it's probably just them!
Alchemist
#65 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 3:56 AM
the world is full of hypocrites, and they all want to tell me how to live.

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
Mad Poster
#66 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 11:01 AM Last edited by VerDeTerre : 13th Dec 2011 at 11:14 AM.
Hi Angela (a name I love!), A wordy brainy 16 - those are the best! But, yeah...lots of people are put off by smart kids and it can be harder to find your group/niche since most teens are focused on other things. My boyfriend's kids are like you and I know a few others through my job. I think my boyfriend's son has managed to find a core group of kids somewhat like him by getting involved in after school programs like math team and robotics. Come to think of it, robotics did a lot for my son too. The people I know in the Morris dance crowd tend to be geeky that way. I could never talk my son into getting involved with that because it didn't interest him, but, seriously, Morris dancers are some of the quirkiest, geekiest intellectuals, rebels, and hippies you'll ever meet. So are many folk musicians. Often people involved in theater, offstage, not just onstage, are this way as well.

If you can find some interests to explore outside of the Sims, you might be able to find people with whom you find a nice connection. I am only suggesting all of this because: 1) It would give you something to enjoy 2) It would give you a much needed break from your situation at home and 3) It would help you to have people to talk to who are not crazy. And you need your own group of friends - people not connected to your family - as a safety valve.

I get how exercise can lead to loss of breath. Never start big when it comes to exercise. Little changes are best. If aerobic doesn't work for you, what about yoga or weights? Anything you do will help improve your mood and overall health. It's even good for brain functioning. It helps to clear your head while you strengthen your body.

What you said about your parents and alcoholism fits with the bad way they treated you. I guess that's one of the things you can see that they struggle with. Your dad's girlfriend sounds like a lost cause. Too bad she's in his life. So, friendship with her is out. But what about Dad? Do you or can you have a good relationship with him?

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
#67 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 6:11 PM Last edited by RoseCity : 13th Dec 2011 at 8:59 PM.
My dog chewed the bottom off the two headed troll doll I've had since childhood - it's just two heads with the hair and two arms left. He was saving the best part for last. I thought about having a funeral for it, but now I'm going to try to salvage it or just keep it as a ruin. My husband and my daughter were both looking on eBay to get me another one, but I don't see the point. And they cost $80 - $100 which is insane.
Mad Poster
#68 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 9:22 PM
That's really a shame. That would definitely have been a collectible. I didn't realize there were such things as two-headed trolls. I think that really would have bothered me as a child. I once had a doll that had a head at both ends and only one side was visible at a time because a skirt would cover the other end. I also had a doll whose face could be turned within the head so that you could go from one expression to the other. Both of these dolls disturbed me deeply. I always felt that each face deserved its own body.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Mad Poster
#69 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 9:31 PM
Quote: Originally posted by VerDeTerre
/cut/


I've always been closer to my dad than my mother, for sure, but I wouldn't call us anything more than amicable roommates - people who live together, exchange pleasantries, don't mind each other's company but don't go out of their ways to spend time together because we're both so busy.

Sadly where I am there's not much to do, no robotics (I have a math disability where trying to do anything besides algebra just doesn't make sense, not even subtraction) or dance classes (I'm a terrible dancer) but I am into photography and geocaching, which I do regularly on weekends with Felix. I have a professional Canon film camera. During the week I'm usually working on computers or playing video games. I have a lot of free time . . . sadly around 95% of teenagers here are either really obnoxious party types (tried hanging with them and left) or mean to me for no reason. The other 5% are dropouts like myself - Felix's group of guy friends are okay but too rowdy and wild for me.


Angie/DS | Baby Sterling - 24/2/2014
This account is mostly used by my sons to download CC now, if you see me active, it's probably just them!
Instructor
#70 Old 13th Dec 2011 at 9:53 PM
Quote: Originally posted by RoseCity
My dog chewed the bottom off the two headed troll doll I've had since childhood - it's just two heads with the hair and two arms left. He was saving the best part for last. I thought about having a funeral for it, but now I'm going to try to salvage it or just keep it as a ruin. My husband and my daughter were both looking on eBay to get me another one, but I don't see the point. And they cost $80 - $100 which is insane.


I love this pic. I'm sorry you lost him/her though.
Mad Poster
#71 Old 14th Dec 2011 at 1:38 AM
Getting rather tired of meetings which are less than productive especially when time is at a premium.

Addicted to The Sims since 2000.
Top Secret Researcher
#72 Old 14th Dec 2011 at 3:11 AM
Has anybody noticed that the MTS yearbook has a small case of Duckface?

Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather.

GTA V
Mad Poster
#73 Old 14th Dec 2011 at 1:04 PM
Quote: Originally posted by SimsLover50
I love this pic. I'm sorry you lost him/her though.

Thanks - I was sad about it, even though it seems ridiculous.
Quote: Originally posted by VerDeTerre
That's really a shame. That would definitely have been a collectible. I didn't realize there were such things as two-headed trolls. I think that really would have bothered me as a child. I once had a doll that had a head at both ends and only one side was visible at a time because a skirt would cover the other end. I also had a doll whose face could be turned within the head so that you could go from one expression to the other. Both of these dolls disturbed me deeply. I always felt that each face deserved its own body.

Thanks. I know what you mean about the two heads being disturbing - I think it would've bothered me back then too, but the fact that they look so insanely happy always made up for it.
Alchemist
#74 Old 14th Dec 2011 at 4:24 PM
Quote: Originally posted by Riptide651
Has anybody noticed that the MTS yearbook has a small case of Duckface?


no.... .... should i care?

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
Lab Assistant
#75 Old 15th Dec 2011 at 9:42 AM
Digital/Angela I grew up with a similar type of parent. I had never met my dad (infidelity is never good especially if you get pregnant from it) so he wasn't my problem. My mom how ever seemed to hate me, and at one point as a very young child told me so. I was moved from foster home to foster home, presumably because i was a bad kid. I recieved every type of abuse that is possible. Soon i became very self conscious. I still am.

I will never make my self happy looking in the mirror, however apparently there was something else to me that made me popular (i had no idea till a few years ago that i was popular).

In middle school i found the best way to get threw the day was to imagine myself as a tall nicely curved beautiful popular girl. So i pretended threw school. Just before i was 18 i realized I wasnt pretending anymore. When im not looking in a mirror i still have that image of my self i seem to walk taller and with more confidence.
I always thought in school that i had 2-5 friends and they had all the other friends (seemed like half the school was in our "group" and i was just the tag along. I still kept this image in my head of what i thought i looked like and felt like. Still I had few boyfriends plenty of boy friends. I found out later that image i had in my head showed threw as confidence. APPARENTLY i was one of the popular girls and many guys wanted to ask me out but felt they were unworthy.

In short darlin really the trick to confidence is all in your head. If you imagine yourself that way and move and walk the way you would if you were that way then it will show threw to other people. Your still young so your like a puppy in training it may take a bit but it can still stick.

For friends well really my friends are gamers I met some threw school but most of them i met at gaming conventions. Go to places in you town that have gatherings for the things you like. Use the mind trick i explained above forget what you look like and just talk. I know that is the scariest part for me.


Also im going to tell you from experience with your siblings honestly until you can see your self for who you are and treat yourself right you wont be any good to them. Ya you will go threw the motions but you cant teach them the things your parents are neglecting to teach them till you learn them your self.

I hope some of this helps you.

And melborne are you in the US or are you in another country? I only ask cause i happen to live just south of Melborne Florida. I just found out there is a town in another country named the same.

The One The Only Peoinee
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