Could you guys proof read this for me and let me know if it sounds convincing. It is a psychological profile of a batman character, scarcrow that has been included in a facfic, blah blah and I was hoping for a bit of help. Thanks guys!

Name: Jonathan Crane, Ph.D.
Aliases: The Scarecrow; Jon Delany
Age: 32
Profile: Jonathan Crane graduated from Gotham University, majoring in Psychology, Organic Chemistry, and Education. He soon took a position at the University as a professor of psychology, specializing in fears and phobias. He began studies with willing participants (paid) by introducing an unknown hallucinogen substance that caused intense hallucinations and, when the patient was introduced to the object that they feared, they slowly began to descend into madness due to this experience. He also was running ads in the Gotham Times to cure phobias under a pseudonym, one Jon Delany. In the early experiments, all patients were soon injected with an antidote but in later trials, he would push the limits of sanity. He has driven at least twenty three patients to the point of hospitalization in Arkham Asylum and has cause seven deaths, four of which were suicides during the trials and the remaining were caused by heart attacks, presumably due to intense fear. His newest version of this “Fear Toxin” leads the victim to fear what they first see after exposure. This is only based on testimony of said victims, which cannot be entirely trusted. Crimes committed are limited to human testing, both willing and non-willing, terrorism to Gotham city, and minor robbery charges, which seem to be used to fund research and production of his “Fear Toxin”


Psychological profile: He is usually very calm and calculating. He has a severe obsession with fear, as seen with his criminal history. He does many things to gauge the reactions of the people around him. This seems to be a smaller version of his experiments as many of the inmates that he comes across are terrified of him. His demands/requests are limited. He only asks that his one hour of recreational time be spent every evening watching the Gotham News. At this time, he s given full control of the television but kept in an unstrapped straight jacket as he has had a few outbursts. He is not permitted to socialize with anyone for his own protection but he is more than happy in his solidarity. He is border line anti-social, but he willing speaks to his old colleges. Many of the other patients are completely terrified of him, meaning he is usually let alone in community situations, no other patients will be in the recreation room with him, He wouldn’t be identified as a happy or positive person. He is able to read people in the sense that he know exactly what to say depending on people’s reactions to him. We have concluded that this is due to his training as a psychologist. He is very solemn; his attitude is grave with large amounts of sarcasm. His anger his transfer through his words, his face shows very little emotion, but he always has a slight smirk or a curl of his lips which can be read many ways. He is able to read people in the sense that he know exactly what to say depending on people’s reactions to him. We have concluded that this is due to his training as a psychologist. This is his dominate personality.

When his recessive personality, the scarecrow, takes over he is almost completely reversed. In this state he is despondent and mumbles to himself, but no other signs of schizophrenia. He is very aggressive and should not be approached. He refuses to eat and usually doesn’t sleep. His voice seems to change pitch and is a bit deeper. He is constantly demanding his mask (which contains a respirator and a supply of toxin in reservoir tanks) and when refused, he makes one out of his pillow cases. He will wear it during these transformations. It is to be removed whenever found. The transformation is brought on by shear will. He will prepare for his “transformation”, but no tests have been run. Paranoia is also seen during this time, but as of late, it has been rare. His first admission was when the paranoia was heavily present but he had been exposed to his own toxin, so he presumable was so until the drugs had left his system.

We suspect a dual personality disorder, the scarecrow being his safety net. From information we have collected during interviews (See tapes D-09 and F-01) he has revealed that he had a very traumatic child hood involving abandonment and bullying/aggression from others but the details are still unclear. The Scarecrow provides strength and stability in his actions. He still is in control but his mask seems to give him the feeling of strength or even pride. His actions are bold and unpredictable, even as Dr. Crane. We also started observation for obsessive compulsive disorder. He is driven by the fear of others and tries to get reactions wherever he goes, leading to the compulsion but this but be proven before treatment is administered.

I proofread it for grammatical errors. Bolded areas are the areas i fixed. I'm pretty good at grammar, so i feel pretty confidant about the changes. Also, there was one section where he admitted to something, but you did not say what exactly it was. You need to, it sounded incomplete without that piece of info. altogether well written and thought out, i understand exactly what he's supposed to be like.

Name: Jonathan Crane, Ph.D.
Aliases: The Scarecrow; Jon Delany
Age: 32
Profile: Jonathan Crane graduated from Gotham University, majoring in Psychology, Organic Chemistry, and Education. Soon after this he took a position at the University as a professor of psychology, specializing in fears and phobias. He began running studies with willing participants (paid) He introduced them to an unknown hallucinogenic substance known for causing intense hallucinations and then exposed them to an object they feared. The patients would all then slowly descend into madness. He also was running ads in the Gotham Times under a pseudonym, one Jon Delany, claiming to cure phobias. In the early experiments, all patients were quickly injected with an antidote, but in later trials he would push the limits of sanity. He has driven at least twenty three patients to the point of hospitalization in Arkham Asylum and has caused seven deaths, four of which were suicides during the trials; The remaining were caused by heart attacks, presumably due to intense fear. His newest version of this “Fear Toxin” leads the victim to fear whatever they see immediately after exposure. Such information is only based on testimony of said victims, who cannot be entirely trusted. Crimes committed include, but are not limited to, human testing (both willing and un-willing), terrorizing Gotham city, and minor robbery charges, which seem to be to fund research and production of his “Fear Toxin”


Psychological profile: He has been proven to be schizophrenic and has two personalities: Dominant and Recessive. When he is operating in the dominant mindset, he is usually very calm and calculating. He has a severe obsession with fear, as seen in his criminal history. He does many things to gauge the reactions of the people around him. These seem to be smaller versions of his experiments, as many of the inmates that he comes across are terrified of him. His demands/requests are limited. He only asks that his one hour of recreational time be spent every evening watching the Gotham News. At this time, he is given full control of the television but kept in an unstrapped straight jacket as he has been known to have outbursts. He is not permitted to socialize with anyone for his own protection, but he is more than happy in his solidarity. He is border-line anti-social, but he willing speaks to his old colleges. Many of the other patients are completely terrified of him, meaning he is usually let alone in community situations, no other patients will be in the recreation room with him. He is identified as a very negative and un-friendly person. He is able to read people in the sense that he knows exactly what to say depending on how others react to him; We have concluded that this is due to his training as a psychologist. He is very solemn; his attitude is grave and he is very sarcastic. He conveys his anger with his words, his face shows very little emotion, though he always has a slight smirk or a curl of his lips which can be read many ways.

When his recessive personality, the scarecrow, takes over he is almost completely reversed. In this state he is despondent and mumbles to himself, but shows no other signs of schizophrenia. He is very aggressive and should not be approached. He refuses to eat and usually doesn’t sleep. His voice seems to change pitch; it sounds a bit deeper. He is constantly demanding his mask (which contains a respirator and a supply of toxin in reservoir tanks) and when refused, makes one out of his pillow cases. He will wear it during transformations between personalities. It is to be removed whenever found. The transformation is brought on by sheer willpower. He seems to prepare for his “transformation”, but no tests have yet been run regarding this. Paranoia is also seen during this time, but as of late, it has been rare. His first admission (admission to what? you need to say what here. ) was when the paranoia was heavily present but he had been exposed to his own toxin, so he presumably was so until the drugs had left his system.

In suspecting a dual personality disorder, we believe the scarecrow is his safety net. From information we have collected during interviews (See tapes D-09 and F-01) he has revealed that he had a very traumatic childhood involving abandonment and bullying/aggression from others, however the details are still unclear. The Scarecrow provides him strength and stability. He still is in control and his mask seems to give him the feeling of strength, or even pride. His actions are bold and unpredictable, even as Dr. Crane. We have also started observation for obsessive compulsive disorder. He is driven by the fear of others and tries to get reactions wherever he goes, leading to compulsion, but this but be proven before treatment is administered.

Wow, awesome profiling there. But a few grammar and spelling errors were found...

You could change "This" to "the". It sounds easier to read that way.


Should it be willingly? and colleges as in schools?


it should be "left" not let


It should be "caused" not cause


knows not know


there should be a comma there between them


you need an "in" after many


Dominate should be dominant


"there are" should be after the "but" or "are shown" after "schizophrenia"


presumable should be "presumably"


I dont know what this is meant to be, but you should probably replace the second but with "must" or something like that.

This is an awesome job btw.

dang, Raps got in first...

*Wins*

*hides* what are you, an english teacher???

geez...

Thank you both so much, needed an extra set of eyes! I see a dedication in both of your futures...

No, but my father was an english major.

That explains it. Now all we need to her is that WWW was born to two perfectionists.

That would explain very many things.

I'm not good enough in English to correct you, but I like it

Thanks!

I was born to two perfectionists. My mother nitpicks my grammar constantly and even nitpicks the newspaper's grammar. My dad loves his job and is very picky about doing everything right. I take after my mom in grammar and english though. My dad even sometimes ask me to grammar check his oil-research papers, which include some really long words! All science-y!

*is sad panda because others got to it first*

Well, did i correct it to your standards? :P