Hi guys. I love writing, and have since I was a kid. At the moment I am currently working on a story, and I want to give you guys a little taster to it. I really need some constructive critiscm or comments! Thank you!


Oh, and ignore typos if there is any, I'm not paying too much attention to them yet.

Is this a sims story or for a novel you're writing? I hope you've got a good plot since we're awash in Vampire / supernatural novels.

it's for a novel

Cool! Good luck in your novel - that little teaser you gave was a little too much on the "tease" and not much info, unfortunately, so it would be hard to give you any constructive criticism (other than - I hope you've got a good vampire plot) based on that at this point.

The teaser was supposed to have little information, but still hinting a bit to what was going on.

Well...

It's not my taste. I hate over-the-top, fantastical descriptive passages. The scene you set was just too...y'know...pretty. I don't like that. I'd rather have some thoughts and emotions in there, some...character. I don't want beautiful moonlight girls on icy nights. It feels like a written photograph. I'm watching it, but I'm not in it.

The hints you have given suggest a story that I would not want to read, however well written it might be. In all honesty, this is just not my style.

I'm not saying that this is bad, I'm just saying that I don't like it. I know people who would, but I'm not one of them. Don't totally ignore what I'm telling you, but don't stress over it or try to change your story completely because of it.