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Test Subject
Original Poster
#1 Old 8th Sep 2006 at 11:37 PM
Default The Consequences of Consequences II - The End!
Hey, hey, hey, my friends and minions. =) This is the introduction to the Consequences of Consequences II. If you haven’t read it, the link to the original Consequences of Consequences is in my signature.
But I guess I need to warn you about stuff that might offend you. As always, there will be homosexuality, alongside some good old-fashioned violence, mild swearing, and teenage drama. There will be some also hinted sexual contact, but nothing you wouldn’t hear in a PG13-rated movie, if not PG.
Okay. Now that that icky stuff is out of the way, let’s begin! =D

The Consequences of Consequences II – Introduction

You might remember my story, the story that happened not very long ago, about mistakes and their consequences, and the consequences of those consequences. A chain of consequences never ends, just as life on Earth never ends, and there's still a lot of the story to tell. And everyone still matters, the same people, and more people, people you haven't met and people you think you've met. My mother, and Clarence's mother, and his father, and me. Christie, and Danni, as well, sisters and best friends and enemies. Always changing and moving as people will.





My mother was still bitter then. She hadn't changed much, but her face seemed younger once I had left. She dressed in brighter colors and more expensive clothing. She walked differently. She tossed her hair like a teenage girl would. But she was still mean and selfish.
I returned home after I found peace and love with Clarence. No one knew but us. And we stood on the doorstep waiting for her to open the door, but she could see the changes in us, the way we stood just so close, seeing it in ways only a mother can, and she didn't let us in.
We didn't lose contact, however. We spoke through closed doors and telephone calls, until I moved away.
And she never forgave me. Never forgave any of us. And I didn't forgive her.





Clarence's parents had a falling-out, but instead of reacting as some couples might, they fixed the problem, and the divorce forms were thrown away. Clare's mother, Audrey, quit her job to pick up a home business, where she sold flowers and pies. Clare's father, Samuel, got promoted around the same time, and very suddenly they became wealthy. Not extremely wealthy, but suddenly richer than most of the citizens of Godview.
This was the first building block to this story.





Christie turned eight, dropped her obsession with Barbies and turned to romance novels. She got that dreamy look in her eye that most girls get after a certain point in their lives, but I never minded. She was still sweet little Christie, and being older didn't twist her memory. More often than not I was awoken at night when she crawled into my bed after a nightmare.





Danni, like my mother, never forgave me. She didn't know about Clarence and me, because no one knew except for my mother, but the pain of my rejection was still too much for her. She did her best to pretend like she didn't mind, but I saw her turning mean. I often prayed for her (I still don't go to church), because I knew she wasn't a mean person. Not really. But there was more to it than I ever could have imagined – so much more.





And then there was Clarence and me.
The story about us is short and simple enough. The night Danni ran away was the night our relationship began. He left when Christie came into the front yard calling for him, and I went with him. Christie didn't suspect, as children don't suspect, and I fell asleep in his lap at midnight with the television still going, Christie laying sprawled over my own lap. Danni didn't come home the next day, but the day after that she came and only frowned at me.
After that I went to my mother's home, and she denied me her acceptance, and that was all.
Now, the story does not begin, but continues.





-- End of Introduction

Do I have a green flag or a red one?

Thanks for reading.

She was just like autumn in itself, but she was a thing of life and not impending death.
1 users say thanks for this. (Who?)
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Instructor
#2 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 12:06 AM
All I have to say is wonderful introduction!!!!!!
Forum Resident
#3 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 12:42 AM
Very nice. I loved the first part and I LOVE this introduction. You have a future ahead of you as a writer:D
Instructor
#4 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 9:40 AM
Green flag! Green flag!

*has been anticipating this for a long time* :D

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#5 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 10:02 AM
Huge screaming Green flag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For all of my creations and more free downloads please visit Exnem Sims
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Come join our Banner Contest Today!!
#6 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 10:09 AM
Definitely a Green flag, I loved the first part and anxiously await the next! Your writing style is wonderful and the photos are fantastic!
#7 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 10:32 AM
It's a green flag with bells on... but omg, I have to read the first one now! xD

I'll never read a sequel before the original. And I swear by that. So I'll be back in about an hour with lots of praise and yayness xD

xx
#8 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 6:41 PM
YES! i loved COC and i'm suer excited for the sequel
Test Subject
#9 Old 9th Sep 2006 at 10:54 PM
GREEN FLAG! Like SimFreak, been waiting for the little notice saying your up and posting! Get writing!!!! :D
#10 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 2:56 AM
GREEN FLAG!

I read (and loved!) the first, but since my account here is new I never commented it, eheh.

Really, I'd love to see more of this!
Test Subject
Original Poster
#11 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 3:37 PM
Wow, so many comments! I'm floored!

I'll try and get the first chapter up real soon. =)

She was just like autumn in itself, but she was a thing of life and not impending death.
Field Researcher
#12 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 3:56 PM
Eee. I loved it, as I did Consequences of Consequences. Will it be written in the same kind of style? Like you'd say Consequences, then explain it? I loved that!

Garden of Shadows; for your goth side.
Test Subject
Original Poster
#13 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 4:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicci
Eee. I loved it, as I did Consequences of Consequences. Will it be written in the same kind of style? Like you'd say Consequences, then explain it? I loved that!


It's not going to be quite the same, but there will be some key similarities. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it'll be clearer once I start writing.

She was just like autumn in itself, but she was a thing of life and not impending death.
Test Subject
Original Poster
#14 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 6:20 PM
Chapter One – Seventeen

The day I turned seventeen, we went bowling - we being Clarence's family and me and my sister. It was a quiet, run-down joint in the busy section of Godview, where everyone went for birthdays because there wasn't anywhere else to go. I was halfway through a good round with Christie and Clare's father when Clare called me to the bathroom.
Clare didn't usually pull me away from things I'm doing unless it's important, so I followed him immediately. I didn't like the bathrooms there - they smelled weird and usually the seats weren't clean. And who wants to sit on a dirty seat, anyhow?





"Clare, what's the matter?" I asked, and to my surprise he was heading into one of the stalls, motioning for me to follow, and you can guess what I was thinking. Anything involving the two of us in a compact space on my birthday HAD to be something good, right?
I DID mention that I was just seventeen.
"Just come here," he said, and I couldn't catch the tone in his voice, because I was just that distracted. I obeyed him, and he didn't bother to close the door, which should have been a warning sign. Oblivious.





"Hey," he said. "Wake up. You've gotta listen to me, okay? It's important. I only found out this morning, and I'm real sorry I've got to bring it up now, but it's soon and I wanted to let you think it over, and if I tried to tell you some other time Danni would sniff us out. She can't get us in the boy's bathroom, though, can she?"
I was smiling and watching him rather than hearing him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Jesus, Jareth, I don't know what we're going to do," he said.





There. It clicked. Just the way his voice shook, and the look on his face, and I took all of it in. "S**t," I said. "Oh, s**t, what's wrong? Did someone hurt you?"
"No," he mumbled, and he seemed almost amused. I relaxed. "No... but..." He sighed and pressed his palm to his forehead, leaning back a little, until his knees touched the toilet bowl. "Jareth, we're moving."
I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. The ease, the perfection I had been so certain was going to be my life... it all evaporated. Gone.





I turned and sort of half-stumbled out of the stall, sick and stunned. "Where to?" I managed to rasp out, and despite myself, I tried to sound cheery.
"Jareth..."
"Where to?" I repeated.
He bit his lip. I could see him in the mirror, standing there behind me. God, he looked so scared. "Silverbridge...” – the name sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it – “…it's... ahm... down by the coast..."
We lived in a landlocked state.
"Jesus," I moaned. "Jesus... Why?"





Clarence looked like I felt. "My Dad's got a better job... so he thinks we deserve a better place to live, too... I told him I didn't want to go... I said I didn't want to leave you... and he said... he said I could always make more friends."
I laughed, but it wasn't a good laugh. It's the kind of laugh that feeds the bitterness rather than destroys it. No one knew, but I didn't think it mattered. Even if his dad had known, he probably would have said the same thing, or something similar. And if Clare was going to move away that far, when was I ever going to see him again? I couldn't bear the thought of losing him - not after all of that, after all we had been through. I tried to form all of my concerns and emotion in to words, and instead all that came out was a noise that sounded pathetically like a sick sheep baby.





"I know," he whispered, and then I could see that he was crying too. For a little while we just held each other, worried down inside so deep that it ached.





-- End of Chapter One

I told you it would be real soon. =)
This story is going to be a lot more touchy-feely than the last, and it’s not going to work in quite the same way. But while I wrote this I looked back on the original a lot to make sure it’s at least consistent. I don’t want this to be a Disney sequel (and if you’ve watched a Disney sequel, you’ll know what I mean).

She was just like autumn in itself, but she was a thing of life and not impending death.
Field Researcher
#15 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 6:26 PM
Most Disney sequels are rubbish, so I'm hoping it'll be something good then! It has to be! But ohhh, he's moving. He can't move! Maybe Jareth can hide in his suitcase? =D

Garden of Shadows; for your goth side.
Top Secret Researcher
#16 Old 10th Sep 2006 at 8:13 PM
Well, Clare IS almost 18, which means that in a year or less, he's a legal adult. (At least, that's how it is in the U.S. I'm not sure what in what country this story takes place.) So they won't have to wait TOO long.

There will be more options for Clare and Jareth to continue their relationship once they both turn 18. Clare can, of course, insist that he simply MUST attend school in the nearest college or tech school near Jareth. Both boys could save like crazy for their own automobile or motorcycle. (It's amazing how much more open the world is to you once you have your own car!) And gee, the Internet is a great place to correspond! (OK, old-fashioned snail mail is good, too, but the Net is faster and more immediate.)

The situation is not so dire as the characters might think ... it just might take a bit more imagination and maneuvering!
Lab Assistant
#17 Old 11th Sep 2006 at 12:49 AM
cool i love the first part,now you have carried on the story,well done,its great so far xxx
#18 Old 11th Sep 2006 at 4:02 AM
nooooooooo! I love Clarence he can't move, update, update!!
#19 Old 11th Sep 2006 at 4:57 AM
So far so good, I can't wait to hear more!
Lab Assistant
#20 Old 11th Sep 2006 at 5:13 AM
great! can't wait to read more..
#21 Old 12th Sep 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ohhh yeah. New stories make Robin feel all funny inside. Er. Sequels. =D I noticed a couple mishaps just reading through it (because I just got done making a nine minute long video that took me about eight hours solid and my head sort of hurts so my eyes went into super 'sit down shaddup' mode), so here it goes.

"We didn't lose contact, however."

I think that 'though' would be better here rather than however.

"And she never forgave me. Never forgave any of us. And I didn't forgive her."

This part is puzzling me. Because when I saw it I was like 'ah, I'd like to see that as 'she never forgave any of us.' But when I looked at it some more I was like 'but do I really think that? it's okay both ways!' and I confused myself. I guess that can just be food for thought; when you're editing it maybe you could take another look at this and see what you think.

"and the divorce forms were thrown away"

I think this would also be good as 'and they threw away the divorce forms' or 'and they threw away the divorce papers,' but it's good now. And besides, I think the use of papers and forms is part of a regional dialect (what kind, I don't know, but I'm from the Northwest and I say papers, so maybe forms is a Southern thing? But when I lived in Texas a lot of people said papers, too...), so I guess it would depend on exactly where you were planning on having them live, roughly. A lot of US states are landlocked, so I wouldn't know. D= But that was kind of pointless because nobody will actually look to see if a couple words fit with the dialect that they speak in. XD

"This was the first building block to this story."

That? Flows better, and I think it's more correct, because as of right now Jareth is just talking about stuff that happened in the past and this alludes to the present tense, which screws with the flow.

"Christie turned eight, dropped her obsession with Barbies and turned to romance novels."

D= She grew up rather quickly. But I guess that's sort of to be expected because her environment really isn't one that promotes growing up slowly.

"More often than not I was awoken at night when she crawled into my bed after a nightmare."

I don't know another way to word this sentence, but it seems like it's pretty good word for thought. It's a little choppy as it is.

" I saw her turning mean."

I'm not sure if I like mean here. But then, I can't think of any other word that might be okay here besides bad, and that doesn't strike me as a really good idea.

"laying sprawled over my own lap"

You could cut out the laying. It'd make things smoother here.

PS: This part got a big ginormous neon green flag. With kelly green letters on it. That say 'Chemist is a goddess and if she dies or stops writing the world should kill itself because a world without Chemist and her stories is like a world without chocolate and Sonic the Hedgehog.'


"anyhow?"

Anyways sounds like something a teenage kid would say, more, to me, but again that's a dialect thing. I don't want to think about dialects right now. I think I already popped a brain vessel trying to figure it out last time.

"sick sheep baby"

This was another phrase that was cool, like 'dying crack hobos.' Except here I think that if you don't want to put 'lamb,' it'd be better if it was 'baby sheep.'

And...I can't find anything else. =D Time to draw pictures.
Test Subject
Original Poster
#22 Old 13th Sep 2006 at 2:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gazania
Well, Clare IS almost 18, which means that in a year or less, he's a legal adult. (At least, that's how it is in the U.S. I'm not sure what in what country this story takes place.) So they won't have to wait TOO long.

There will be more options for Clare and Jareth to continue their relationship once they both turn 18. Clare can, of course, insist that he simply MUST attend school in the nearest college or tech school near Jareth. Both boys could save like crazy for their own automobile or motorcycle. (It's amazing how much more open the world is to you once you have your own car!) And gee, the Internet is a great place to correspond! (OK, old-fashioned snail mail is good, too, but the Net is faster and more immediate.)

The situation is not so dire as the characters might think ... it just might take a bit more imagination and maneuvering!


Considering that /I/ never would have thought of it, I doubt that these two boys would have thought of it (in real life - definitely not in fictional life, because whatever I think of is what they think of o_O). But that's a pretty cool idea and would work rather well.

Oh, and Robbiiiiiiiiiiiin. Good to see ya in the land of the living... or... the reading. =)

She was just like autumn in itself, but she was a thing of life and not impending death.
#23 Old 13th Sep 2006 at 3:48 AM
OH man! i love the first one, but this one is gonna be just as good...i can tell!


GREAT JOB SO FAR! keep it upp!
Test Subject
Original Poster
#24 Old 14th Sep 2006 at 11:28 PM
Chapter Two – Secret

I spent most of the next day in Clarence's room. I slept in the guest room down the hall, but no one really knew that I snuck into his room in the middle of the night - just like they couldn't know anything else about us. But it was completely chaste so far in the respect of shared beds, no worries.
We mostly talked about moving. Now that I'd had time to calm down, we could think about it with rational minds. Maybe Clare's family could take me with them. My mother wouldn't care. H**l, bring Christie, too! Or maybe Clare could stay back with me - we only had one year to go until we were both legal adults anyway.
"It really could work," Clare said. "I'll ask my dad about it tonight - but you should stay out of the way. He's not as dull as he looks."





Things seemed like they would work after all. No matter what happened, Clare and I would be together, and Christie would grow up right, and, maybe, if we did move, I could live my adult life without worrying about my mother living a few blocks down. And Christ knew what the people in Godview would think of us (no pun intended, honest). Not only was this a small town in which minorities were close to none, the entire place was filled with people who would love nothing more than to shoot me on spot if they knew.
"When are you moving?" I murmured in Clare's ear.
"Dad says next month, maybe sooner if we start packing tomorrow."
"That gives us a month to spend in this old house then," I said, and he smiled at me.
"Or less," he reminded.
"Or less."






But I seem to be very attractive to bad luck.





The moment was just beginning to reach something spectacular when Clare's father decided to check on us.
"Boys," he said, throwing the door open with a blatant disregard for whatever might be going on inside. "It's almost dinner time, so get your hands washed, and tell me what you want to drink."
So mundane. Still I puzzle over how something so simple as dinnertime could shatter a moment like that.





I was so startled I fell off of the couch. "Mr. D!" I cried from the floor. "Jesus Christ, hi!"
"What the h**l is this?" he snapped, seeming so astonished that he couldn't think of a better question.
"We're ah... we were um... it's a play!" Clare blurted.
"A play!?" Mr. D. and I spluttered together.
"The scene was... ah... we were being the um... two headed monster... with four arms and four legs... and it's so fat it can't get up off of its log and um..."
He broke into a dance.
I was stunned into being totally stupid, but I was still smart enough to join in.





Mr. D. was unimpressed, but fooled.
"You have fun with that," he said slowly. "But first tell me what you want to drink."
"Dr. Pepper," said Clare, and before I could even open my mouth he jabbed a thumb in my direction. "Him too."
I didn't ask how he knew. We'd been best friends since third grade.
And then Mr. D. was gone.





There was nothing left to do after that but laugh. Sometimes tension is so strong laughter is the only release.
I was the only one that noticed, but at dinner Mr. D. sat as far away from us as possible.





-- End of Chapter Two

Bad chapter, too much touchy-feely, BUT foreshadowing galore. =)

Thank you for your support. Sorry if you're turned off by it yet.

She was just like autumn in itself, but she was a thing of life and not impending death.
Lab Assistant
#25 Old 14th Sep 2006 at 11:43 PM
OH....OH HO HOOOOOOOOOOOO....

Is this the long-awaited sequal with lots of yummie boi-luv-angst and pretty Bishi's to oggle??

I luvs it I wish the chapters were longer, but, I take what I can get I love your stories like...erm...well I guess a fat kid and cake. Seeing as I was that little fat kid with the cake, I can say it
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