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4th Jan 2011, 11:00 PM
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 What do you think of parents who continue to have fun?
#1
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KeiraLou
Original Poster
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What do you think of parents (of any ages) to have fun? This includes drinking and going out with friends mainly. As well as other activities that more of a single non-parenting person would do. Do you believe that once you have a child you should focus all of your attention and quit the wild days for good (or at least until they are of an age)? |
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Please, Call Me Lou :D
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4th Jan 2011, 11:08 PM
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#2 |
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crocobaura
Mad Poster
Join Date: Mar 2005 |
You can still have fun even as a parent. How far you go with it depends on how credible you want to be in front of your child when you set them rules for behaviour. |
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4th Jan 2011, 11:37 PM
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#3 |
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el_flel
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I think it's reponsible to make sure that your (general 'you') child is your main responsibility and know that you need to be taking good care of them but that sure as heck doesn't mean that parents cannot go out and have fun; they just can't do it as often as they would have done without kids. If you were the type of person who went out three nights a week getting trashed then, yeah, perhaps you need to tone it down a bit now you have a kid, but I certainly don't think having children should mean you're chained to the house. Obviously, this is only really relevant if the person in question has young children who live with them. Once your kids are more or less grown up or have moved out etc, then you have fewer responsibilities to them because they don't need you there to look after them. |
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4th Jan 2011, 11:51 PM
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#4 | |
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kattenijin
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^^^ This. However, I also believe that "Because I'm an adult." is a perfectly valid answer as to why I'm entitled to do something my child isn't. There is no harm in letting children know that rules change as people get older. It's more about being consistant about how you apply the rules. | |
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Falling in love is a subtle process, a connection sparked by attraction, tested by compatibility, and forged by memory. |
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5th Jan 2011, 12:06 AM
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#5 | |
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crocobaura
Mad Poster
Join Date: Mar 2005 |
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Yes, that's true for some things. Like an adult can drink alcohol, but it's not good for anyone to drink themselves into a coma or pass out in a ditch on the side of the road. | |
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5th Jan 2011, 12:51 AM
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#6 |
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iCad
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I'm a parent, and I have fun all the time. But then, my idea of fun has never included the traditional kind of "partying," which I guess is what we're talking about. I've known parents who try to continue to "party" once the baby is born, but so far as I've seen, the realities of life with a young child -- unless you're totally heartless and/or OK with being neglectful, of course -- kind of put a damper on such things. As in, it's hard to party all night when you were up all night the night before with a colicky infant.  Or when you're holding down a second job to pay for the kid's needs or for the rent on a bigger place or what-have-you. As the kids get older and more self-sufficient it becomes easier to party again, if one is of a mind to, but so far as I've seen by then the parent(s) has/have generally gotten out of the habit and don't see it as "fun" anymore. It's part of growing up for the parent(s), I guess.I do agree, though, that kids should know that there are things that are OK for adults to do that aren't OK for them to do. Then again, I don't think there are many kids who aren't aware of that; it's why they all want to grow up, God help them. *laughs* |
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Redmond Flats, my eleventy-th stab at a "Build A City" challenge. Unfortunately, I didn't keep up with documenting it. But you can find rules and tracking spreadsheets and stuff there.
For stuff what I've made, there's my LJ. There be downloads there, some of which aren't/won't be here on MTS. |
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5th Jan 2011, 12:58 AM
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#7 | |
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kattenijin
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True, but then you get to teach your kids that acting irresopnsably has consequences at any age. :P | |
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Falling in love is a subtle process, a connection sparked by attraction, tested by compatibility, and forged by memory. |
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5th Jan 2011, 01:03 AM
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#8 | |
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el_flel
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5th Jan 2011, 01:14 AM
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#9 | |
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iCad
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Exactly!  "Fortunately" for us all, when we get to the elderly stage with a touch of dementia, you get to be kind of childlike all over again.
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Redmond Flats, my eleventy-th stab at a "Build A City" challenge. Unfortunately, I didn't keep up with documenting it. But you can find rules and tracking spreadsheets and stuff there.
For stuff what I've made, there's my LJ. There be downloads there, some of which aren't/won't be here on MTS. |
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5th Jan 2011, 01:17 AM
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#10 |
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Lavaster
Top Secret Researcher
Join Date: Oct 2007 |
They still can, and my dad drinks, but doesn't get drunk. Maybe one can is all he'll have, but not all within 1 minute! lol! He has never been drunk, I believe. He's the type of man that cares about discipline. Going out with friends? Well, what about parties? He usually tags me, my brother, and mom along, lol. |
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I am a Slytherclaw! And totally the obvious demigoddess daughter of Aphrodite, pssh heck ya. |
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5th Jan 2011, 03:16 AM
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#11 | |
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DarthCookie
Test Subject
Join Date: Oct 2009 |
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Really that "Because I'm an adult" thing doesn't matter, because if you have a child like me who always gets high blood pressure when you leave them, then your basically killing your child slowly and surely. It depends on how the child reacts, and this is coming from someone who was never babysat, my father stayed home with me. So it all depends on how the child reacts and if they are just like whatever when you go out, and I myself party a lot, and I barely have any rules except for coming in at 11 PM at night. Because I'm homschooled. |
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5th Jan 2011, 03:34 AM
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#12 |
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Robodl95
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"Because I'm an adult" is a terrible excuse, now if it's for something really minor like "Why do get to stay up so late!" then that's different but if they say something like "Why did you come home so late?" then that's really bad. Staying up is a pretty little example but what if it applied to smoking or drinking? Saying "because I'm an adult" is simply telling your child "you can do this when you're an adult" which isn't good in every situation Parents certainly still have fun, just a different kind. My parents friends (my parents are in their late 40s) all have children and so pretty much any gathering they have involves the kids. They don't drink like ever (that's not because of kids though, neither ever drank much). Occasionally they have a "parents only" dinner but that's only because all the kids are in their teens now. |
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Hi I'm Paul! |
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5th Jan 2011, 08:22 AM
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#13 |
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Rawra
Alchemist
Join Date: Dec 2008 |
They still have a life OUTSIDE their family and house. The child doesn't become their only focus, their only purpose in life. People who have this idea are so wrong. Even my grandparents go out with friends, not to mention my parents. |
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Private conversation. Go take yourself for a walk. - Regina Mills
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6th Jan 2011, 12:02 AM
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#14 | |
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Drakesecaravdis
Field Researcher
Join Date: Aug 2006 |
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I guess I was a rare breed. I never wished to grow up. my childhood wasn't the greatest because of my parents fighting but I still found a way to have fun anyways. I don't think I even thought about growing up until I entered high school. as high school got closer to ending, I really did not want to be an adult. this is why I skipped school a lot my senior year. I was afraid, afraid of my future...I hated the thought of having to enter the real world. if I had it my way, I would have frozen time or something. being a teenager was like the best time. you get to be childish but yet have the good things about being an adult, like earning your own money if you want to have your own (well some places wouldn't hire but at least in those days there would be some who do) tho you don't have to worry about bills. |
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6th Jan 2011, 12:14 AM
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#15 |
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Rectos Dominos
Field Researcher
Join Date: Aug 2009 |
By fun I am assuming it's going to bars and nightclubs because that's what society tells us as fun. It is for some people but not for everyone. I am 24 and rang in the new year by playing Mario Party with my cousin and friend and believe or not I don't have children. Weither you go to bars or not it's still ok to have fun just don't let it interfere with your responsibilities. A parent who spends all day playing video games is just as irresponsible as someone who "parties" every night. |
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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people! |
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6th Jan 2011, 12:49 AM
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#16 |
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christx101
Field Researcher
Join Date: Jan 2009 |
I don't want kids but if I ever did have kids I will still continue having fun and having interest outside of the kids I think every other parents has the same rights. |
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6th Jan 2011, 01:19 AM
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#17 |
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jay_envy
Space Pony
Join Date: Aug 2008 |
They're parents, they aren't dead. I don't think they should go out and roll on MDMA at a dance club or anything, but going out with some friends, having some drinks and having a good time shouldn't be an issue. Of course you can't go out as often as you use to before you had kids, but that a given. |
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6th Jan 2011, 09:55 AM
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#18 |
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HystericalParoxysm
Administrator
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A parent who is an unhappy person, feeling deprived of the things they enjoy doing does not make for a good parent. Feeling upset, unfulfilled, and resentful of the time a child takes up does not make you more caring, patient, or able to take care of your child - just the opposite. There's no medal to be won for being the biggest mommy-martyr. Whether you want to go out to a bar now and then or just need time on your hobbies or to take a bubble bath now and then, you -have- to make time for yourself. Children pick up on your mood and if you're grumpy, they will be too. Of course, all things in moderation - going out every single night to get plastered isn't good for anyone, but especially not a parent. And finding a reliable babysitter that isn't too expensive is really, really hard. But I don't think there are going to be many people arguing that once you have a child, you have to give up your entire life and everything that you enjoy doing as a person to devote every waking moment to the child - it's not healthy for you, and it's not better for the kid, who should learn to play independently now and then. |
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7th Jan 2011, 08:35 PM
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#19 |
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SimPerson
Test Subject
Join Date: Dec 2005 |
My mother was quite wild at my age so it would have been a pretty interesting childhood if she had continued her party life after becoming a mother. |
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7th Jan 2011, 08:46 PM
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#20 | |
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Petchy
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All Work and no Play will make a Drag out of Every Day.
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10th Jan 2011, 07:51 AM
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#21 |
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Willow's Tara
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Yes I think they should be allowed to have fun, sure not every single day or every single night but maybe once a week or so, you shouldn't have to stop. Okay when the kid is a few months old staying with them is a better idea. By the time the kid reaches 10 they are probably having sleepovers with their friends, by 15 they can stay home by themselves and don't need you to be there every second of the day (Unless they are really ill or something). That what annoys me about some things, especially on shows like Everybody Loves Raymond, Debra constantly complains (And the rest who have children as well) that they never get to do anything (I am not sure if this a good example since the kids are hardly around anyways) about having to go through 18 years of never going out or dating. Hello by 10 they are going to their friends place and doing other things, 15 they sleep over more and can do things. Plus if you have family and friends there is always them. My brother and his girlfriend leaves their daughter (Almost 2) with us occasionally, nearly once a month maybe more so they can go out as well and do things, and there is nothing wrong with that, it's good for them to spend time with their other family members, or close friends etc. |
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11th Jan 2011, 12:21 PM
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#22 |
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SuicidiaParasidia
Alchemist
Join Date: Feb 2008 |
i dont know about the rest of you, but im pretty sure it should qualify as a special sort of torture to be stuck with a parent who stopped having fun when you were born.... having fun, to me, is vital. i turn into a complete asshole without it. my parents never stopped being human, so i assume their needs did not change with my birth; they still needed food, water, sleep, and fun. but as others have pointed out before, too much fun is just irresponsibility. as long as the parent(s) in question are fulfilling their parental duties, i see no problem whatsoever with how they choose to spend their couple of minutes at the end of the day. |
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Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
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12th Jan 2011, 05:28 PM
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#23 |
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Phoeberg
Theorist
Join Date: Dec 2007 |
I think it's all about getting the right balance. Obviously it would be irresponsible for a parent or parents to go out every night, or almost every night, of the week, but the occasional night is not going to hurt anyone. If anything, it's probably good for the child to have a little time apart from the parent. When my brother was about two my mother went out dancing with a friend and my brother cried and cried until she came back, even though she had left us with our father. My brother was so used to being with my mother 24/7 that he was really distressed to find her gone and that he was left with someone who he didn't know so well. But in the long run I think it did him good to have that time apart because obviously as a child gets older they will spend more and more time away from a parent. It got him used to the idea of being apart from our mother and with other people. I've babysat over the years too, and normally I think children find it quite exciting to have their parents away for the night every now and again, especially if they're a little older, as I think toddlers usually found it the most upsetting. But otherwise it doesn't do a child any harm. |
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"Your life was a liner I voyaged in."
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12th Jan 2011, 09:54 PM
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#24 |
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Pax
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I wish my parents would have gone out and gotten plastered instead of constantly trying to helicopter parent me, i.e. superimposing their failed life wishes/the expectations of the mythical main stream onto me and stifling my blossoming independence and thirst for adventure because they were so scared of their own desire for debauchery. But, yes- balance is key. However, I feel like in general the idea of what responsible parenting is has taken over to the point of absurdity. Everyone needs to losten up. |
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It's teatime somewhere. |
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