ok I don't like sharing personal stuff...
but, my mother in-law just had major surgery.
This time it was a fusion of her spine. Again
In august she had a knee replacement and I ended up caring for her for a month.
I don't want to go there ever again.
But any caregiver that we hire would not last a week let alone a month
so we are screwed up the whazoo. because she is a diabetic, completely
irrational, recovering from surgery,

Last edited by opiumgirl : 1st Feb 2012 at 08:19 AM.

Ouch! Her surgery sounds painful, too.... Your mother-in-law is very lucky her son made such a wise decision when he chose you for a wife. You deserve a metal for your kindness. I hope it comes back to you tenfold.

Thank you for your kind words

Yes, she is in a lot of pain. She is literally slit form neck to tail bone. The pain makes her more difficult to deal with of course. The lady that is caring for her cannot cope with her outbursts at all and it has only been two days!

I have no idea what to do. The problem is that she has borderline personality disorder so she is difficult at best. At the moment she is in a downward spiral phase and I don't want to expose my 4 year old daughter to too much of that because she can't be expected to understand, nor does she have to.

My husband's sister is very close to a nervous breakdown from all this as well and she cannot cope either, so my husband and I are the only ones who can do anything in this case.
*edit- and my husband now has chicken pox! he got this from our daughter.

Last edited by opiumgirl : 1st Feb 2012 at 09:32 PM.

Given your situation with having a small child, you really shouldn't be with her for all of your sakes. You are 100% right that your daughter should not have to be exposed to BPD and the stress of having to take care of a deeply injured person. Your daughter needs your care. And your mother-in-law sounds like she is in a fragile state medically and should probably be shielded from those who might be sick or carry illness. Respite care comes to mind. Are there any services/agencies that will provide assistance in your area? I found a few here by googling "respite care elderly parents" and "financial help respite care elderly parents".

Thank you, but we are in South Africa and her medical care is already maxed out. Any care that we want after this(3 days icu, 4 days general surgical ward, 7 days step up clinic)
cannot be motivated, and we have to pay for this our selves. This is unfortunately the reality and we do pay. I don't know what respite care is, can you elaborate?

Know what really burns my bum?

Had this woman move in across the hall, must weigh about 400 pounds (my sister was up to 380, so I have an idea as to what 400 looks like). When she first moved in she had this potted plant smack in the middle of the walkway leading from the garage to the building...so I moved it. Then she has this motorized scooter (and a wheelchair), and has a fold-up ramp so she can get it over the curb onto said walkway. No problem...except that she put the thing in *our* section of the garage, near my van! So I moved it so she'd find it but not have a hard time getting to it--like, HINT, this is NOT your space! Now she has it on the outside of the garage.

Then last I heard she was trying to do ADA and get a ramp put on the building. What--? I have an issue with that for two reasons: 1. I believe that being overweight is a choice, not so much a disability (I have managed to drop about 40 pounds since summer just by changing my diet, since I have a bad ankle, it simply takes planning ahead and laying off the processed crap). 2. If you KNOW you're going to have problems going up three steps, find somewhere ELSE to rent! Out of curiosity I looked up the ADA regulations for my state and found that while she could have the ramp put on, she should expect to pay for it. I guess the landlord figured that out too...so no ramp! When my husband and I found this apartment, we made sure it was ground floor due to my ankle issues, and a problem with his knee (his kneecap was shattered in a car accident 20 years ago and it still bothers him). We didn't move into a second-floor apartment and demand a lift be put on the stairs. Then she runs a cord for the scooter into the main door and plugs it into the outlet in the common area instead of her own outlet (not that the cord won't fit under her door) and this leaves the main door open enough to let cold air in.

Then she has a small dog that barks at just about anything. Not too bad, except my husband sleeps in the morning due to his work schedule, and I can only imagine what anyone living above her has to put up with! The dog also wants to try to chase after a stray cat that we've been feeding for the past seven years (no one has an issue with the cat...even the guy upstairs feeds it, since he has a cat).

She has relatives or someone doing her laundry for her, which wouldn't bother me at all...except I KNOW they're not cleaning out the lint filter between loads (I am thinking potential fire hazard). After they get done, I'm clearing out lint an INCH thick before drying MY clothes! Come on, it only takes all of five seconds to clear that thing out--and I do it in between cycles!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not rude or nasty towards her...once she locked herself out and I called the landlord for her on my cellphone, decent thing to do...but it's like she comes in, plants her flag, and has this sense of entitlement. We've been here since 2001.

Not so much a rant here as a huge eye-roll.

There might not be services where you live. I think that it's harder for me to find out from here even if I put "South Africa" into the search field. Basically respite care is care to relieve the caregiver. It is a support for the caregiver and can provide caregivers with a much needed break. Wikipedia definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respite_care

There is respite care for families responsible for taking care of an elderly parent or a child or adult with special needs.

Very often there are agencies that can help out when an elderly parent is recovering from surgery. Usually they cost, but there are also government programs, in this country, to help pay for many of the services (but not always). You'd have to see what's available in your area. The weird thing is that most people are not aware of what is available for help and that they don't have to pay for everything.

You have my sympathy. Taking care of someone like your mother-in-law is draining and there isn't really enough help out there. I wonder if the doctors or nurses at the hospital would have any suggestions? Or if your mother-in-law belonged to a local church and if the congregation would be available for any small part of it. What you've described would put most people over the edge and anything anyone could do would help.

How much recovery time are you expecting? Was she living independently before the surgery?

Ffff just get back to work after my days off and what is the first thing I have to do? Take a sign and shove a freshly dead and very limp possem over to the curb. Nothing like the sound of grinding bone over the cement and a body that wants to roll under a flimsy sign. Oh, and can't forget people who want to run over me just like the possem. Very smartly our uniforms are all black and so "easy" to see in the dark.

But the sound of things I really ain't having much of a bad day compared to some people here.

Thank you! I'm sorry for just asking you to elaborate, I just didn't think.
I looked around and I did find one agency in our general area but they are so expensive it is shocking! But your suggestion made me think that it would not be a bad idea to hire a nurse, ironically this would be cheaper!

I really have no idea how long her recovery would be, barring complications maybe 2 months. She does live on her own but this is not ideal as she cannot really cope on her own. She is due for a knee replacement on the other knee once she recovers from her back surgery. We are looking for other living arrangements, costs are a problem since my husband and his sister will have to pay.
Thanks again!

Last edited by opiumgirl : 2nd Feb 2012 at 09:00 AM.

I hate working in a building alone in a well windowed building surrounded by darkness. There's always something that comes out of the darkness that scares the livng sh-t out of you at the worst moments; For example eating.

The eating comes out of the darkness at you?

Beware the Eating!!!!

So I log onto my livejournal and there's a 1 next to the message button. I think "holy crap! Someone commented on me journal! :D" So I click the message button and all the message was some stupid announcement thing from livejournal. Here I got all excited for nothing.

I was in a stall of a bathroom and then I get somebody kicking on the stall door and it flew open! And the only good part of that is that I saw some idiot gossiping about it (and it seemed like she was the one who did it because she was talking about it and that she's a moron) so I stared at them and the people around her were like, "Oh, she's mad at you!" So I'm like, "Yeah." (I edge closer) "I watching you!" And they all screamed and ran away from me like a bunch of crybabies. Can you believe that?

On monday I went out with my new sorta boyfriend and we cuddled up in the back seat of the car to watch a movie and waste time. As I looked back he was giving me one of those looks men get when there thinking about other things then watching a movie when a woman is close. Well, that's not what the probablem is, the probablem is is that look is enough to send me into a panic attack. Even thinking about it makes me panic. There is an underlying for this that is not related to him. Sucks how something can happen to you so many years ago and it can effect you today. ;_; I think I know why I ditch men when I get happy, it'sbecause i panic and run.

Our car ran out of gas on the way to the shopping centre downtown, in the middle of nowhere, at 5 AM. We live in a small borough about 45 minutes away from the nearest large shopping centre, SO THIS WAS A PROBLEM. We finally manage to thumb a ride, it was already 5:45 and my siblings were complaining and cold and it was just a total disaster. After we finally got home ten minutes ago, I realised that I left my toolbox I use for computer repairs in the back of the car and I don't know its location (Felix knows but he's asleep) so we can't get it towed.

I know what you mean DrowningFishy - I had something happen when I was at Uni (eight years ago) that came back to haunt me a year ago, when a guy I liked tried kissing me for the first time. I thought it was dead and buried, but apparently not...

Trying to find a new place to stay, but the housings/apartment outside costs like 3x the rental of my current hostel. ;_; wish I didn't have to move out...

I hope you find a new place to stay, and something in your price range I really do hope you find a place I wish you the best of luck.

as for my rant:

Realizing I can't read, and a moron. Woo woo -.- whatever

I just wasted R320 on a stupid game that I thought would be great and it turns out it is a bloody WASD game so I can't play it!
Wonderful. pro-tip: google more before you buy!

What's a WASD game? It have to do with the keys?

Yes that is exactly it! You use the WASD keys to walk and I can't do it. The only game that I can manage to walk using keys is minecraft. This game is Kingdoms of Amalur, an RPG. I hate myself for being such a moron.

So the car was broken into and the toolbox, all of our CD's, the CD player, and Felix's phone was stolen. On top of that I've been feeling like crap no matter what I eat, food makes me feel sick and I think I'm coming down with something since the snowstorm hit, and Felix is just really pacy because he was just GLUED to that phone and there's no way to get it out of the lot they put it in until the snow clears.

That's really bad! I hope you feel better soon and that you're able to recover or replace what was lost quickly.

God, been sick as a dog since yesturday-on my date. I have no heart to tell him I wasn't watching the movie with him I was sleeping on and off as nausia and a headache crept up on me. When i got home I probably did the most insulting thing by running away from his car-and to my bathroom. Dinner was good, just not coming back up. Had a killer headache and nausia all day. It's almost 2pm and I finially found enough energy to sit up. I get worse headaches laying down for long periods of time that's why i am trying to get my blood flowing. My roomie gave me some rabbit turds (some natrual pills that look like rabbit turds but \smell like hikery farms) which seems to have called truce between my stomach and I.

On the plus side I finially learned to knitt. By bracing one needle against my stomach and stitching with two hands... of course double sided needles it's not bright to do with. They can leave bruises. Was making a skirt for my friends Dollfie, ended up into being a head]band for my dollfie L it was to short. Then it inspired me to make the whole damn outfit.

http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i...nt=DSC01795.jpg
http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i...nt=DSC01792.jpg
http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i...nt=DSC01797.jpg

I want to finish up the finial details on the outfit but so damn sick. ;_: Can't wait till the roomie starts in whore jokes again (roomie finds need to torment me when I date; plain and simple you can't help what you come out of)

@DigitalSympathies Hope you feel better I hear chicken noodle soup helps.

PS: IT's not wise to sneak up on someone who is doing you a favor. Especially when this favor involves using a pair of sissors.

Last edited by DrowningFishy : 8th Feb 2012 at 06:17 PM.

God I hope you feel better! Being sick really sucks. I love your dolls btw, saw them on the other thread.