So I recently heard some bad news regarding one of my friends who I play Minecraft with on this Roleplaying server. The news kinda came out of the blue, and it is really sad, but I wont go into the details of it right now.
I drew her a picture of her character that she role plays as on this server, and she loved it, which was nice to hear. Now that she has received this unfortunate news, I'm going to make her a more elaborate picture, which will hopefully put a smile to her face. She lives in a different country to me, so I can can only give her a virtual hug and all that, so this is my way of helping her.
So I want to know what all of you guys do to cheer someone up when they are down. Give them a hug? Have a long talk with them? Or do you do what I am doing; give them something (or do something for them) that you know that they will appreciate and will hopefully put a smile to their face?
It's much harder to offer that kind of support online, although any contact or outlet for feelings is better than none. It's also possible that the anonymity of an online relationship might be the very thing she needs so that she can unload. It sounds to me like you truly care and that should come across. Knowing that someone is there helps loads during stressful times.
I do have some advice for you: Don't try to cheer her up. It's tempting, but it isn't helpful. Putting a smile on her face is not the first goal. If something is bothering her, she has feelings to deal with, not hide from. Be supportive by allowing her to vent if she needs to. Let her take the lead in conversations. Show sympathy, but be careful about bringing in too much of your own issues, anger, or sadness into the conversation. Be positive, but not in a pushy or false way meaning if she brings up something that upsets her, it's important to acknowledge it and deal with it before you try to reframe it in any way. And if you can learn to do this, you will be the most desired guy in the whole world.
And back to the cheering up part. I don't think I expressed that quite right. Sometimes humor can help, but after you've acknowledged feelings, loss, etc... and after someone has had a chance to deal with that.
And people are different, for some people humor works, some people could find it deeply offensive no matter how "light" or serious their problem is. You must know the person you are trying to comfort. For example, I'm the type who wants humor. I have one friend whom I am uncomfortable to tell anything what is sad or bad in my life because she reacts the way I get even more depressed. (first she puts "" and then say something like "that is awful").
I once had a friend who would get in horrible fights with her husband and then ask me to keep her company. She never wanted to talk about what was bothering her, she just wanted to be distracted. That was really hard for me.
Gelis points out that everyone is different. It's hard to tell online what someone needs. I suppose the best thing would be to ask if she wants to talk about it or if she would like another picture or a joke or an online adventure. Nothing like asking questions if you want to get answers
I tend to try and get them to laugh. Whether its using fake accents, and pretending I am at a bar, and slurring. I had three of my friends laughing so hard, that they couldn't breathe. I swear its funnier if I do it, then write it out. But I try to make them laugh first, and to make them smile. I remember one time, that my friend was really down and so was I, and I made her laugh till she was crying. And she asked me:
"Your sad too, why did you help me instead of yourself?"
I said: "My happiness...Sadly comes last, I do not care. Because if I have a friend in need they come first, I will find a way later to make myself smile."
And knowing that I made her smile, made me smile.
Another thing I do:
I give them flowers, to know that I am thinking about them, and if they ever need to talk, I am there for them. I did that for a friend, and she texted me that night thanking me for the roses, she had a bad day at work, and looking at the roses cheered her up.
Another thing I do:
I let them cry on my shoulder, I do not interrupt, I let them get it all out. When they are done, we talk about it, and I stay with them, until they are smiling. I do not ditch my friends because they are upset. I am not like that. I am ALWAYS there for them, even if at times they are not there for me. I know that they are busy, and stuff. But it will never stop me from being friends with them, and helping them when they need someone to talk too. I swear I should have became a Therapist. As much as I help people
"Queen of the Damned seeks knight in shining piercings for pleasure, pain and purring"--Scary Mary from the Urbz: Sims In The City
"A Famous Explorer once said: 'The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.'"--Lara Croft from Tomb Raider 2013
I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT.